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Camille11325
[–]blondie_brownie 6 points6 points6 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Does anyone know what the author means by "the myth of the biological clock"? I thought women actually experienced hormonal changes, which increased feelings of urgency.
[–]littleteafox5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think they were referencing this article: http://therationalmale.com/2011/12/02/the-myth-of-the-biological-clock/
I think the title doesn't really clearly summarize the point he is trying to make there. There IS a biological clock, but we're interpreting it wrong. There are real hormonal changes as you get older, but these aren't indicators that "now is the prime time I SHOULD be getting pregnant" but more that "now's my last chance! all systems go, go go go!"
[–]blondie_brownie3 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Ahhhh, got it. I didn't realize it was referencing another post. Thank you!
[–]Littleknownfacts2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I came here to ask the same question.
[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 125 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Even women married prior to this phase will go through some variation of self-doubt, or self-pity in dealing with the hypergamic uncertainty of her choice (“Is he really the best I could do?”)
I will admit that lately I have had these thoughts a few times lately. There has been such a role reversal over the past year or so, and I have really been struggling. I start thinking of all the "logical" reasons of why it might be best to leave, and then I kick myself. I love my husband. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I need to straighten up and work my problems out.
A friend told us years ago that when Up came out, he instantly associated us with the old guy and his wife. I like that, and that loving respectful relationship is what I am shooting for. Somewhere things became muddled, I lost my way, but I will get back to it.
[–]Camille11325[S] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It is good that you are aware of what the real issues are, and after 12 years together it would be a shame to throw it all away. Have you read this post yet? Also, feel free to submit an advice post to the sub! (Be sure to answer these questions!)
[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 122 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes, I was able to read it over earlier. And then I wrote I a long reply to it here, and realized I should post it over there! I may post here one day when I know work is easy and I have time to respond to comments. PhantomDream and a few others in the IRC gave me some really great advice a couple of weeks ago! Really, I just need to be more mindful of my attitude, being more respectful, being less naggy, and STFUing some. What would be more helpful is if there was a shocky monkey following me around to keep me on track!
[–]susandeath 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Instead of a shocky monkey maybe I can give you a suggestion. I used this trick years ago to break my habit of being negative all the time. Whenever I would say something negative, I had to move my watch from my left wrist to the right wrist and couldn't move it back until I could name 5 things in my life that were awesome. Some variation of this might help?
[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 123 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My daughter and I used to spend time at breakfast discussing a few things we were each thankful for. I let that slide the last few months, maybe it is time to start it back up. Thank you for reminding me!
[–]Camille11325[S] 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is why we encourage women to settle down early!
[–]Kittenkajira2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wow, this article was enlightening. As someone who began a relationship at 27, I went through much of what he's describing, especially right around 30 - and it nearly cost me the relationship.
That was precisely what I was thinking: is he really the best I could do? I felt like there was a deadline, like I had to hurry up and decide before I reached the point-of-no-return. Hopefully the younger women reading this can avoid it now that they know about it.
For the spiritually inclined woman (which is to say most women) this may manifest in a convenient return to convictions she’d disregarded since her adolescence.
I see this a lot in women. Just recently I was talking with a single mother in her 40's who is dating a man - she's now decided that she won't cohabitate without marriage, despite having always done that in the past.
As I noted earlier, this phase also coincides with a woman’s sharp decline in fertility and childbearing capacity, so the instinctual urgency to breed, reinforced by the myth of the biological clock contributes to this internal crisis. All of this coalesces into some amazing feats of rationalization hamster acrobatics.
Yep, all true for me. I would not suggest dating in your late 20's or early 30's, having been there myself. Find your version of a good man early on, and stick with him.
Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together; without sex a woman becomes a man’s mother, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, but not his lover, and certainly not his wife.
So true.
As Roosh has pointed out more than once, it’s women in this phase of life (or the mothers of women in this phase) who most vocally complain about men’s lack of interest in committing to them. As Hephzibah is painfully aware of, women in their peak SMV years don’t complain about a dearth of marriageable men– “Man Up” is the anthem of women in the Epiphany Phase.
I can't say I identify with this part. Despite having gone through the Epiphany Phase, I don't think I've complained about a lack of marriageable men, nor about a lack of interest in men committing to me. Maybe it's because I wasn't single at the time?
[–]TempestTcup 3 points3 points3 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
self-doubt, or self-pity in dealing with the hypergamic uncertainty of her choice
I think a lot of this is due to the overwhelming amount of choice in today's society, so there is a quandary of choice. This happens in all areas of life and usually happens to women before men due to, well...the best term I could think of is the wall. You see lines forming around your eyes, and realize that you are in your last years of youth; you look at your career and realize that it's close to the last time you can make a big move, etc. There are so many choices in life that your future is limitless, but for the first time you realize that your life is finite.
[–]elegance_ 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You said it, seemingly unlimited choice and a finite life.
The beauty of a good relationship is both partners making the choice and going through with it. Not dumping each other over the first little inconvenience.
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[–]blondie_brownie 6 points6 points6 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]littleteafox5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]blondie_brownie3 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Littleknownfacts2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 125 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Camille11325[S] 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 122 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]susandeath 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 123 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Camille11325[S] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kittenkajira2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TempestTcup 3 points3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]elegance_ 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link