The Scrapbook

planterkitty · 2021-06-01T12:32:30+00:00

How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one

For my ex, I knew he wasn't the one when whenever my parents asked how we were, I would be nonchalant and say 'we're good' and not say any more. I remember being on the phone with my mother and mentioned it was our anniversary and that I got him so-and-so. 'What did he get you?' my mom asked eagerly. 'Oh, nothing. He paid for dinner and that was his gift.' and I could tell at that moment I was trying to justify why I was with him. (We broke up that same year I think, after realizing neither of us were truly invested in the relationship and neither of us really loved the other that much. Longest two years of my life.)

For my husband, I knew he was the one because... it's hard to explain, but when you're with someone special, it changes everything—how you approach life, how you prioritise, how you spend your time... The world is so much kinder, and you're much more excited for the future. People also notice it. The cheesy 'She looks so much happier' comments will start coming in. You also feel that you cannot lose this person. You wouldn't want to lose this person.

HappilyMrs · 2021-06-01T16:12:12+00:00

"How did you know he was the one or alternately, that he was not the one"

Honestly? I didn't know to start with. If you'd told me the day we met that he would be the centre of my world I'd have been totally shocked.

We were so young. I was almost 16, he was almost 19. I'd not that long come out of an 11 month relationship that broke my heart (that ex-boyfriend had been pressuring me to give him my virginity, and I wasnt ready, so he ditched me for a girl with more experience). I'd been seeing hubby's best friend for a few weeks when we met. Hubby was sweet, genuine, and obviously keen on me. He was flirty without being pushy, sleazy or having expectations. And I loved that.

On the other hand, I had my boyfriend who was very interested in doing his own thing, and not so interested in spending time with me or flirting. With hindsight, he was clearly shy and had no idea what to do with me as his first girlfriend.

So, after a few weeks, I branch-swung, and dumped my boyfriend. Four days later, I was seeing my now husband.

A few weeks later, I knew I loved him, and 3 months after meeting we were engaged.

That was 1999. We aren't so young now. We've been through depression, anxiety BPD, a decade of infertility, parenting a child with special needs, a dead bedroom, a fixed bedroom, weight gains, debts, a failed foray into polyamory, family deaths. We have come through it. We basically grew up together, and we're rapidly approaching the point where we have been married more than half my life.

I had no clue. If I had been vetting RP style, we probably wouldn't have gotten together. I'm glad we ended up here.

ezer_kenegdo · 2021-06-02T01:53:24+00:00

I kinda knew from the first time we looked at each other, but you say that a lot sometimes you know? I was single, had just started working at the warehouse, I had met a lot of the men already and I was definitely looking and responding to flirting. I was being given a tour at the end of my shift, and we ducked our heads into his office so I could be introduced. We stared at each other so intently like we were already claiming each other. We didn't get to interact too much during work as we were on different shifts and different departments but one night he Facebook messaged me that it sounded like we were having fun over in our department. So I invited him to visit us sometime.

We regularly started visiting each other's offices and eventually exchanged phone numbers. That day my sisters and I had been fasting separately and after work we went to a restaurant and broke our fast together, so they were quizzing me on him. I distinctly remember texting him that he wasn't much of a talker and he sent me this long paragraph about how he preferred phone calls and face to face. That was a big clue that he was different.

He didn't play games. We never discussed seeing each other officially but he made it clear that we had plans valentine's day. Due to work schedules we didn't go on a real date for awhile. 3 days after we exchanged phone numbers he kissed me at work, December 20, and before valentine's day he had already said I love you, the real one not the luv ya type. That was Jan 20.

He proposed on our one year anniversary which showed me he had a game plan. He was ok with a summer wedding (that summer) but his brother was getting married in August so we decided to extend our engagement.

He had kids from a previous marriage so just watching him answered a lot of questions for me. Like how he treats exes, how he raises kids, how he handles autism. That's all the stuff you may not think to discuss but it's important to be in the same page, like how do we handle a kid saying they are gray, or how does he handle extreme stresses, like his dad dying. I saw all of that, so I didn't have to wonder or question if he was being truthful.

As for the emotional part, our first date I was so nervous I didn't eat all day and still threw up. My coworker told him and he thought it was adorable. It wasn't how you imagined romantic butterflies but I had never had that before.

sparklesandbunny · 2021-06-05T11:38:10+00:00

Oh this is great! I’ve been married 11 years now so it’s been a while but I followed The Rules so I have some insight into the bigger picture but no longer the details.

How did I know? I acted on what he did NOT what he said and let him pursue me to have a clear space. I was confident my feelings were real and not based off of who I hoped he was. I knew he was the one because I felt so safe and cared for with him and I could tell he absolutely delighted in caring for me—which made me feel seen like never before. I delighted in being submissive and letting him lead which was something I never felt before. Up until that point I’ve never felt so “switched on.” He made me feel like myself.

Title	The Scrapbook
Author	blushingoleander
Upvotes	9
Comments	5
Date	June 1, 2021 12:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/npscdn/the_scrapbook/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/the-scrapbook.773690 https://theredarchive.com/post/773690

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