Best friends with ex?

LawyerInTheMaking · 2018-04-18T05:01:47+00:00

my two cents: you cant just be friends with people you have been a relationship/had sex with. us guys warn our bros about their girlfriends still being "friends" with their ex. it usually means that they are not over their ex. if this was someone that there was no romantic/sexual history with then that is a different scenario. i would bring this topic up with them because sooner or later its going to cause an issue

loneliness-inc · 2018-04-18T13:58:04+00:00

Shaking hands with a woman is a degree of intimate contact. Shaking her clit is a much deeper degree of intimate contact. Between these two points are many small steps of gradual accent, getting more and more intimate.

So where do you draw the line? Some won't have any physical contact with the opposite gender, others will stop at a handshake, others will also hug and yet others will see no issue with sleeping in the same room or even the same bed as long as there's no sex 🙄

This is a good example of something to discuss in the beginning of dating. You need to be on the same page with regards to where you draw the line.

JeNeSaitQuoi · 2018-04-18T03:35:54+00:00

Your time is valuable. If he wants to spend time with you, then he needs to tell his ex that he has a girlfriend and she can no longer expect around the clock attention.

KittenLoves_ · 2018-04-18T14:08:45+00:00

There are a lot of reasons why someone might still be in contact with their ex, and not all of them are "he still has feelings for her". Do you know what their history was? Maybe they were friends who tried dating and decided they don't work well romantically. Maybe they broke up amicably and still have friendly chats from time to time.

If he refers to her as a friend, it could be because he really does just see her as a friend. I have an ex I'm still in contact with, who I really do see as just being a friend. There are no leftover feelings, no desire on the parts of either of us to "go back" to something we had before. This kind of thing may be rare, but it does happen sometimes.

It's also possible he's calling her a friend and not an ex because he doesn't want to make you feel jealous or insecure. The thing is, without knowing more about the actual circumstances, it's hard to say whether or not his behaviour is malicious. It could be suspicious, depending on how he acts when she's brought up (does it seem like he's trying to hide something? Is he open with you if you ask any questions?), but as it stands, it could really be anything.

Remind yourself that she is an ex for a reason. And if you feel confident that he wouldn't cheat on you, then try to figure out what it is exactly about her that makes you uncomfortable, and why. Then, once you have the answer to that, you can deal with your feelings more comprehensively.

One last thing -- if you get the feeling she's going through a hard time, it's a possibility that he's being friendly with her out of compassion or pity, not necessarily because there's anything else going on between them.

Rivkariver · 2018-04-18T14:35:43+00:00

If it were me? Just nah. I’m maybe too realist at times.

For you? Don’t ask how you should feel. Ask how you do feel.

You don’t seem totally comfortable or you wouldn’t post here.

I don’t like that he didn’t tell you. I think you need to have a conversation.

ssprinnkless · 2018-04-19T20:15:11+00:00

It sounds like he's just trying to support his ex right now emotionally if she's going through a hard time. Talk to him about your feelings but keep in mind he needs his friends and just because they dated before doesn't mean he's going to cheat or has romantic feelings for her

AchillesTheMalamute · 2018-04-20T17:23:20+00:00

I'm pretty sure someone else might've said it already but just be direct. How long have you two been together? I know it's not an uncommon thing where both guys and girls are talking to multiple people at the same time.

I went through a very similar situation with my bf and I was stupid and just let it sit. Then the gnawing feeling kept getting stronger and stronger until I broke and snooped on his phone. In my case it was so obvious that the girl was still very much into him and trying to snake her way in again. He didn't stop it and at times he even sought her out - but you know, plates, I guess.

I directly told him that if this is how he wants the relationship to be he had the wrong partner and we're wasting each other's time. We're still together although there's fall out and damages done because of it. I still feel like I have to be on my toes just in case the same girl comes up or someone else does. Idk, my advice is to just talk directly to him about it and voice your discomfort and concern. Don't be accusatory or mean, try to make it more of a discussion with you just trying to gauge more understanding.

Not sure if that helps - but welp, hit too close to home for me not to respond, heh. Wish you the best!

fairydust91 · 2018-04-19T01:09:00+00:00

Ex relationships should be cordial at best, on both sides. Otherwise, they are a fallback fuck and a mess waiting to happen.

Title	Best friends with ex?
Author	one-thousand-cranes
Upvotes	1
Comments	10
Date	April 18, 2018 3:06 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8d2i2b/best_friends_with_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/best-friends-with-ex.74609 https://theredarchive.com/post/74609

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