Conflicted. Does anyone else have this problem?

jcob-ross · 2014-08-22T23:40:53+00:00

As a guy I can say that an image of a long-haired woman in a nice dress, baking a cake while listening to heavy metal is quite appealing to me.

Kikuhoshi · 2014-08-23T00:59:37+00:00

That was me: I tore apart each one of my relationships because I was trying to be too masculine in my demeanor. I had multiple guy friends (and had issues if my boyfriends didn't like it), would swear enough to make a sailor blush, and drank too much. Often, my guy friends would joke that I was the best of both worlds, "a dude with a great rack" as one of them once called me. I'd also notice that these guys would date more submissive women, whom I considered "pushovers", but they were somehow always happier with their girlfriends than I was with my boyfriend. I'd boss my boyfriends around in an attempt to make myself happier, but it never worked. I watched my friends get engaged and married, but I figured I'd end up alone, a terrifying prospect, and very nearly to settled with someone completely wrong for me.

I met my husband. I finally met someone whom I actually wanted to keep around, who I wanted to please. I met someone who I actually looked forward to seeing, and we started our relationship talking about monster trucks, and our first few dates consisted of watching some pretty messed up movies that he loves. He appreciates the fact that I have a wide taste in music, similar to his own, mainly metal, rock, classic rock and country. He cooks, while I'm in charge of general housecleaning, but he has no issue with chastising me if he believes I haven't kept up with my chores. Nagging and arguing don't happen in my relationship - he just doesn't engage me (a happy side effect of being a bachelor for roughly 18 years, and in retail management for over 10), and I realize that that's cut down on my bitchiness quite a bit (though it still needs work).

There are things you will have to change if you are looking for a RP spouse, most likely your involvement with your guy friends (I stopped talking to all of mine) and watch your drinking (I went from drinking like a fish, to maybe one beer once a month, not including the sips my husband gives me from beers he wants me to try; getting drunk isn't very feminine). Your music tastes will probably not be as much of an issue, barring religious issues. Changing all of these things are signs of your love and respect for a (future) significant other, so in a way, you could say that love and respect is enough. You just have to be willing to show it; he shouldn't have to guess, and the right quality of man won't waste his time playing games.

ventuspilot · 2014-08-23T17:20:23+00:00

I think you are confusing things. Going to a metal concert and enjoying the energy can be a very feminine thing to do. Going to the same concert and trying to be one of the guys is not.

Some men may be turned off by a woman having masculine interests, but lots of men would kill for a SO that shares their interests. But they will want a woman, not a guy with boobs. Preferably a woman that is pleasant to be with, so no nagging, no emasculating, no withholding of sex for manipulation purposes.

aZombieKitten · 2014-08-23T02:44:53+00:00

As far as some masculine interests go, it really depends on the type of guy you're trying to attract so long as you're mainly feminine with a little masculine, but the case of the guy friends? Usually a no-no. Platonic opposite-sex friendships are practically impossible, and some men don't like their women being so close to other guys. Some may not mind, but, again, that's going to be on an individual basis.

Other things to keep in mind include your appearance. Do you dress femininely and have a nice figure? Appearance is going to be the first thing a man notices, so it's important to have that refined properly.

gabilromariz · 2014-08-23T11:01:43+00:00

Your attitude and looks will be most important so there's no need to give up your personal taste as long as you act and look feminine. Your personal taste (music, food, etc) is part of who you are and it would be odd to try to change it. You didn't mention any hobbies but I would encourage you to pursue them or find new ones

The guy friends, not so much.

This isn't part of who you are, it's a thing you do. I wouldn't say ditch your friends all together but limit the hangouts with the guys (phase them out). But only sometimes. The others, just don't go. The guys, no matter how friendly to you, need their own male-only space (usually having a beer with their buds). Let them have it.

[deleted] · 2014-08-25T21:38:49+00:00

you can still have masculine hobbies and interests like those without being a nagging, emasculating, sex-withholding, lazy harpy.

i don't see what your hobbies and interests have to do with being an awful bitch in your relationships, because your hobbies and interests don't require you to be an awful bitch at all. you choose whether or not to be the bitch in your relationships in every conscious moment, with every decision and every word, and whether or not you go to metal shows is irrelevant.

a lot of guys love women who can swing with the men. hot metal chicks are absolutely cherished by metal heads. dudes who like video games love chicks who also like videogames. i love to rock climb and snowboard double blacks, and i love chicks who can survive that stuff. we really like women who can share our hobbies and interests.

however, all men can agree that we don't like nagging, emasculating, sex-withholding, lazy harpies.

also, we are wary of women with lots of male friends for a variety of obvious reasons. we know damn well that at least one of your male "friends" is trying to bang you, and we know that you get off on all the attention and validation you get from your male "friends". having lots of male friends is a big red flag to a man worth his mettle.

Title	Conflicted. Does anyone else have this problem?
Author	metalaces
Upvotes	6
Comments	6
Date	August 22, 2014 4:47 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2eahip/conflicted_does_anyone_else_have_this_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/conflicted-does-anyone-else-have-this-problem.84825 https://theredarchive.com/post/84825

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