Emotional intelligence when dealing with others

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2023-09-13T15:08:04+00:00

I’ve had to practice responding with questions instead of with statements if that makes sense. Because I also found myself often directing conversation back to me too much!

When someone is upset, I will ask them if they want an ear and shoulder to lean on or advice. When someone is excited I ask them any and all questions I can think of to show them that I’m interested and happy to share anticipation and joy.

AutoModerator · 2023-09-13T14:42:33+00:00

Title: Emotional intelligence when dealing with others

Full text: One feminine trait I’ve been trying to cultivate is the ability to deal with other peoples’ feelings in a more emotionally intelligent way. I think I have really great intellectual insight into why people feel the way they feel, but I still struggle to respond in the way that they need sometimes.

For example, when someone is upset about something my impulse is to give them advice rather than comfort them, because how would I comfort them? A hug and an “I’m sorry, it’s okay” sounds right but feels useless. Or when someone is excited about something, how do I mirror and amplify their excitement without putting my 2 cents in and basically just explaining how they already feel?

I’m hoping some of you other ladies have experienced this and figured out why and what your emotional responses to things were lacking. If it helps, I have a professional ADHD diagnosis which I believe impacts emotional response and regulation, though I also believe everyone experiences “neurodivergence” to a degree.

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FriendCountZero · 2023-09-13T16:11:35+00:00

I'm working on this too. Other people's feelings give me feelings, and then I want to deal with that and it redirects my attention in a selfish way. The best way to start is to talk less, I think. Sometimes an "Oh, really?" in the appropriate tone (concerned, excited, etc) is all that needs to be said and the person feels heard and keeps talking until they've got it all out and can come down to earth and be make clear about what they need. Let them vent first, as much as they want to. Then their heads are clear to help you help them.

The other thing to do is to focus on your own curiosity. Yes lots of feelings come up when people talk to us and those feelings can be distracting, but if you can focus on the curiosity you feel about the other person's experience, perspective, inner workings, etc that's a productive feeling for this moment. It probably won't be your strongest feeling but search for it and lean into it and you will be able to listen and understand better which will help you figure out the right thing to do or say. You can't know the right thing if you don't really understand the challenge in front of you.

CountTheBees · 2023-09-15T13:32:30+00:00

I think people who know you already expect that you won't be the high EQ "there, there, hugs" touchy feely friend. So you can at least relieve yourself of that expectation. I mostly just make the appropriate face at the appropriate times. Give them a chance to tell their story and give them a captive audience, as if they were your seafaring uncle back from a year of adventure on the high seas and you were their 11 year old nephew listening raptly to every word. That's probably all they want. Try to exhibit the appropriate emotional reaction to their story as they are telling it to you. You can make judging/summarising statements to show that you are on their side at appropriate intervals, eg "oh no", "that's terrible", "I can't believe that happened to you" and so on.

For when people are excited, you can say things like "awesome!" Or "great news". You can try to think of ways to extend their excited state, like "let's celebrate" or give them a compliment - "it's because you're so good at...".

Title	Emotional intelligence when dealing with others
Author	cellophangel
Upvotes	5
Comments	4
Date	September 13, 2023 2:42 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16houc6/emotional_intelligence_when_dealing_with_others/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/emotional-intelligence-when-dealing-with-others.1231698 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231698

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