I feel like I barely know how to inhabit my body. I used to be extremely shy and insecure as a preteen/teen and would use my body language to minimize my chances of being noticed by anyone as much as possible, and a lot of these habits seem permanently ingrained in my mannerisms, like walking quickly and stiffly so no one would watch me, keeping my head down to avoid eye contact, keeping my shoulders rolled in, etc. I also didn't really do many physical activities for a long time other than musical theater, so I think I missed out on a lot of the brain/body connection that other people develop in their youth.

I often receive comments or jokes and outright laughs from my friends and family and even coworkers about looking uncomfortable or awkward or ridiculous in how I move, and it actually really... really freaking hurts my feelings. I know I lack grace to a certain extent but for it to constantly be pointed out or used as a punchline makes me feel extremely unattractive and inferior.

Because I'm tired of hearing this, I've tried to become a little more present in my body by getting in some physical activity (jogging, the gym, and recently a pole dancing class) and remaining aware of how I move and hold myself in day-to-day life, but someone close to me once again made a joke about how I was doing a popular dance move today and I'm just so sick of it. I feel like grace and fluid movement is a very feminine characteristic and I also feel like less of a woman for lacking it (without rigorous rehearsal and self-correction, something nobody else I know seems to need.)

I'm sure many of you will say with the best intentions "awkward women can still be feminine!" but I just don't want that to be me anymore! How do I become more graceful and poised and move more elegantly and fluidly? Does anyone have any resources or recommendations?