emotions compromising relationship

Pink_acetaminophen · 2015-07-04T19:26:29+00:00

How old are you? Do you react so badly when you hear something you don't like from your friends or at work? It's not wrong to be sensitive but if you act as disrespectful and destructive as you do then even as committed as you are Just expect a breakup or horrible cheating relationship. I just saw that post in ask reddit about why cheating partners are cheating and the top answer was a guy who said he does it out of anger at his wife who freaks out about anything he says. You said your boyfriend gave you rp books to read so that means he's reading some stuff himself and he's probably going to start losing tolerance for being treated badly in his own home. The thing is that it's normal to be criticized and have disagreements in your relationship but you need to learn how to separate feelings from arguments like a lawyer. You sound like you might have self esteem issues too that make you so defensive and attack out of fear of looking bad but really everybody gets criticized about something and your boyfriend is trying to help you become a better person. You have to trust that he's bringing up issues to make your relationship better not to be catty. What i would do is learn to argue better by finding things you disagree with on your own like online or tv and argue your point to yourself and really pay attention to separating your feelings from the actual point. Pay attention to how your emotions change your language and realize that It's ok to be wrong and not resort to manipulative emotional outbursts. I used to have very immature fights with my ex and tiny issues would be so blown out of proportion if i saw it now i would be disgusted so look at yourself from an outside perspective. I don't start fights with my SO because i rather be wrong than act like a big embarrassing baby and break up about what juice to buy and i rather talk like an adult because i respect myself as an adult the same way i respect my SO's right to not deal with a jerk. Act more respectful of yourself and your partner and let it go.

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-07-05T14:59:16+00:00

Start practicing active listening. A lot of times it forces you to focus on what is going on and not your emotions.

Example: I think this chicken probably needed five less minutes in the oven. It's just a little dry.

I hear what you're saying. You think the chicken needed a little less time in the oven, because it came out a little dry.

Yes.

When you practice active listening. You hear what they're saying. Repeat what you hear from them and then the person will either correct you and you try again or they'll agree and you can go from there.

It forces you to listen so that your emotions can't whir along.

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-07-05T15:30:54+00:00

There are a lot of assumptions going on in this thread related to something you said and I want to address it.

before we committed my SO told me his boundaries which included no being out past 10 no matter what circumstance, no guy friends, and no bars or clubs. I made peace with the last two because I didn't go to bars or clubs almost ever.

You agreed to those when you commit and stayed. If you didn't then you can not be with this person or you should have expressed it and allowed him to choose.

I don't think that any of those are really unreasonable. I think there are tons of possible reasons for each of them. The 10pm rule could be so that you both go to bed with each other at night or so that you both have time for sex and sleep every night. It could have been a good time for him to call you before you were both living together.

He explained to me the red pill mentality that it didn't matter that these were his boundaries and things that bothered him.

He's right. Redpill says don't put up with things that aren't okay for you or that you don't want. However, that doesn't mean that if there is a reason that he can't or shouldn't explain it to help you understand it. Often that helps with allowing people to follow. The more that he can point out why those are good things the easier it will be for you to follow his lead. However, I get the feeling that instead of genuinely asking him it came across as an attack so he was curt about it.

If you ever want to know something it's okay. Ask in an open way.

I want to follow your lead on this. I feel something to help me do that would be understanding your reason why you chose x or choose to do x. Can you explain it to me to help me?

TempestTcup · 2015-07-06T15:10:35+00:00

You are using your "emotions" to fight him for control. They are your weapon against him. You agreed to his terms when entering into the relationship, and now you are trying to change them. By becoming emotional, you are trying to pull him into your frame and dominate the situation.

2015-07-07T21:22:34+00:00

I'm just curious OP. He's been very clear about his boundaries. What are your boundaries?

Owlmarine · 2015-07-07T10:08:03+00:00

I can seriously relate to this. This is the major problem in my and my SOs relationship right now, and its lead to a pretty awful couple of months. My SO believes it's due to my low self esteem. You have a fragile ego and you believe hes condescending you, right? This is at least how I feel. All I can recommend is that you try to stay conscious and mindful of it and anytime you feel like youre going to explode you just need to take a minute to yourself and breathe. Hope things get better for you.

Title	emotions compromising relationship
Author	dalls18
Upvotes	19
Comments	25
Date	July 4, 2015 5:01 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3c490s/emotions_compromising_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/emotions-compromising-relationship.85469 https://theredarchive.com/post/85469

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