I found this sub before my SO (21M) and have been working on my attitude towards work/career, improving my homemaking skills, and presenting a more pleasant disposition. When we started out, I was definitely in a better position than when in previous relationships, and promised myself to 'get everything right' this time.

We were good for a couple of months before he declared that his interest is starting to wane. I told him how that made me feel, and he decided that we were both to work on it and stay together. It was never discussed again, as I ensured that our exchanges are lighthearted most of the time.

I grew a lot closer to him for his honesty and subsequent affection. I had thought that this was no longer an issue for either of us. What I know now, however, was that he consciously tried to maintain his previous 'in love' behaviour by going through the motions and eventually it became harder and harder for him to keep it up.

Things hit a breaking point when I found out that he was starting to wander and look for someone else while still being with me. It was not the first time I've observed him having in-depth conversations with multiple other girls, but what I saw this round was undeniably flirtation (eg. referencing me as an ex-gf, nsfw references, keeping his status as single). While I forced myself to believe him previously that all of these relations are purely platonic or even familial, these chats had me digging deeper, which revealed multiple inconsistencies in his justifications. When I asked him about this, he admitted that I was more faithful to him than he was to me. The expressionless way he looked at me then was haunting.

We broke up last evening due to him no longer being attracted to me. The death of a close loved one of his pushed him to stop pretending and acknowledge his own lack of feelings. This breakup is part of his personal plan to make room for self-discovery and find his path in life.

What is the problem, and what do you think is the root of the issue?

While it was reason enough and the parting was civil, I can't help but feel like I failed to perform as a RPW. My plan was to be around at the critical points and struggles of his younger life so as to inspire attachment. This is in response to the observation that most men who become well-established in the future despise that the women in their lives only flocked to them after they have achieved success.

I would like to know what I could have done better and how to recover from this for my own sake. Hence, this post will discuss the details of the relationship past to help explore what I could have done, as well as my current options (eg. monk mode, what kind of guy to pursue in the future).

Also, everyone I know in college knows that I'm attached, and have refused advances on my behalf when, for example, they hear about another guy who's starting to grow an interest in me. This was not asked for, but I did not stop them. I'm not sure how to ready myself to date in college after monk mode when the situation is so extreme. This scares me.

How have you contributed/attempted to mitigate the problem?

I felt every step of detachment prior to the reveal and became very insecure.

Extremes were reached, such as keeping my schedule as free as possible in case he finally wanted to see me, excessively spending on skincare/makeup, consistently overdressing for classes and other social events (let alone dates), and losing at least 2 hours a day and much more money trying to perfect my hair. My friends were shocked that I did not have a single pair of trousers for school, and that I looked like I'm ready to attend a function on a daily basis.

Many questionable decisions have been made in an effort to prove my loyalty too, such as opting to go to a college nearer to where he lived, and risking my expulsion from college by hosting him in my dorm room on a female-only floor (he had not asked for either in the first place).

I've also given him my full trust to judge situations on my behalf, as I had no confidence that my 'gut feelings' are in any way accurate. This was important to me because I wanted to prevent any overreaction as a result of my mental health tendencies. Of course, this only worked well until I started having strong visceral reactions whenever I saw his texts, or when he's hanging out with other women on a 1-to-1 basis.

What is your current relationship status? (Include the state of your sex life.)

I am now on NC terms with him. I was satisfied whenever we had sex, but the frequency was never often enough from my point of view.