FR: 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

PhantomDream09 · 2014-08-09T05:26:51+00:00

I'm not sure I understand the division of leadership/responsibility for the Student Council. If you are the leader so to speak, and your support team failed to help you and then complained about it later - I understand that can be frustrating. That said, losing your cool and lashing out solves nothing and only breeds resentment.

I have to complete large projects for customers, sometimes on very tight deadlines. I can easily spend over 100 hours on a product, only to have the customer come back with a slew of changes they want. Many people have to see a product in order for them to notice things they do and don't like. It doesn't matter how much time you spend prepping something, or how hard you work to create the finished product - if it doesn't work and people don't like it, then you have to go back to the drawing board and find solutions. I know it's difficult, especially when you are doing everything you can to remind people and ask for input, but you have to have something that works.

You messed up by losing your composure, and it's made all the worse by the fact that you put your anger into writing for everyone to see.

The only way you can start to make this right is to apologize to everyone straight up. "I'm sorry I was unprofessional and lost my composure, there's no excuse for what I did. I promise that it will not happen again." After that it's simply a matter of living up to that promise, and changing your reputation one day at a time.

Was this a report, or a brochure you had to put together? It's not unusual for written briefs, plans, reports, brochures, and presentations to undergo multiple drafts and versions. It's annoying, but the truth of the matter is that you have to stay on people until you get the feedback/approval you need to be successful. In the future, you should require every person to sign off in writing that they approve of the ideas/execution. If you print out a draft for each person then you can have them sign and date the copy. That way you can go back and explain that they gave the thumb's up. It's common practice for printers to have customer's do a proof of the product (and sign) before they start producing the order. You have to be proactive and relentless. Make it your responsibility to get the feedback you need from people. Message the group, and then follow up two days later with another message if they haven't responded. After that, you pick up the phone and call.

Own up to your mistake, and look for ways to improve the process moving forward.

newgirl3 · 2014-08-09T08:10:02+00:00

I also hold a place in my student union and there are a few things that I have learnt about how to cope with things like this.

Firstly I always not only post in FB, but e-mail all the respected people and mass text. Then there are no ways people can complain I didn't attempt to contact them about up and coming changes or news. Also people don't always just rely on FB for news and even if everyone in the group does use it very often, you using all other forms of communication also means that if someone has a complaint or something about the information it can be dealt with away from others.

Secondly, student council, like with most politics, tends to be highly strung. Therefore to keep stress down on myself and others around me I try to be as calm and collected as possible in every situation, people tend to take you more seriously and you command more respect if you keep your head and respond without lashing out. My mother taught me that there are 3 kinds of people you can be in an argument; a child (yelling and not listening to others), a parent (yelling and telling others off) or an adult (calm and listening to others). Unless you act like an adult in a situation then your argument is viewed as either one of a child or a telling off, both of which are more likely to be ignored.

As to your problem, here's what I suggest, you should apologize to those who you insulted in person (not FB). FB makes any kind of apology seem too universal and impersonal, people are more likely to forgive you in person, and you are more likely to keep a good relationship going with these people this way. If you aren't going to see the people then maybe an e-mail?

I hope this helps and I wish you luck with solving your problem :)

pickup_sticks · 2014-08-09T18:35:21+00:00

It would help to know more about the nature of the announcement and how it was communicated, but in general I've found that it's useful to anticipate potential objections and either preemptively address them or raise them for discussion. It's also useful to give people the power to say "no." E.g. say something like "Are you comfortable telling me no? Sometimes people are afraid to say no because they don't want conflict or to hurt someone's feelings, but it's more productive if you speak up, and I promise not to get angry."

This might not work in your particular situation, but in general making people feel heard removes most drama.

aZombieKitten · 2014-08-09T19:22:19+00:00

You should make a public apology, making sure to let them know you are sorry that you went off on them like that, preferably verbal rather than written because it's more personal that way. It's important not to lose your cool when you're in a leadership position because people will quickly find you an incompetent leader if you can't handle changes, regardless of if they're at the last second or are for bull reasons. They will very quickly grow to dislike you, especially if you go off on them.

TheTerrorSquad · 2014-08-09T19:24:21+00:00

You are the person in power in the equation you have described, how would you react if your SO decided to reprimand you via facebook?

ataraxic89 · 2014-08-10T04:40:31+00:00

Regardless of your crazy motivations, you could try to not be a bitch. But, I dont think this is likely.

Title	FR: 1 step forward, 2 steps back.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	6
Date	August 9, 2014 4:14 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2d1mmb/fr_1_step_forward_2_steps_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/fr-1-step-forward-2-steps-back.165671 https://theredarchive.com/post/165671

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