Getting to commitment.

durtyknees · 2017-11-18T17:33:34+00:00

I am very distrustful

Trusting someone is ultimately about trusting your own ability to vet someone and a little leap of faith, but this leap of faith shouldn't factor for more than 5% of your decision to trust.

If you're not a good judge of character, then work on that first, before dating.

being introverted

If you make more effort to be social, you (as an obviously intelligent woman) will notice that people are generally predictable to a certain extent, and most conform to specific patterns of behavior. This helps you figure out what aspects to "test" for when you're trying to vet someone for a relationship.

When is it appropriate to figure out if we are on the same page?

There are no "rules" for a personal relationship. It's your life. You decide what is appropriate for you. Personally, I talk about intentions to marry before the first date, but that's just me, and I can be extreme :p

Frequently, men ask me "what are you looking for?" I do not give a straight answer

If you want to attract a man who gives you straight answers, you have to be the kind of woman who can match his values.

Bria89 · Sat Nov 18 18:28:36 2017 UTC

I think your first issue is that you are distrustful of men.
You look at their lust and desire for sex as a weakness.

Whoop-di-do, men want sex. That's nothing new, and that's part of the experience of being a Man. It's something you need to expect and get comfortable with.

I'm not saying you should be putting out, I'm a firm believer commitment should come first. But your probably coming from a defensive place and attacking men for their natural desires. I think you just need to enjoy your dates, give more time of getting to KNOW someone before demanding commitment. Yeah there will be some Duds, men who want sex only. Those men will filter out naturally. But you shouldn't be approaching all men like they are Duds, your going to be putting off the good ones.

I think you also need to ask yourself what do you bring to the table outside of your looks. What domestic/feminine skills do you possess that will make a man see your value long term? Men are thinking this quietly and won't ask. They will come to their own conclusions.

Overall, I think you need a slight attitude change. Coming from a defensive angry place is very off putting for a lot of men.

curiouscreature00 · 2017-11-19T00:05:36+00:00

Also, I would like to add: the very few men that I have shown interest in have asked me questions very early like what I thought about living together, if I wanted kids, where I see myself in 10 years... I consider these serious questions but they were not serious. Is that game?

Banincoming · 2017-11-18T17:48:00+00:00

People saying you are intimidating has more to do with your attitude than your looks/accomplishments. I assume your distrustful nature means you don't greet all people with a warm smile.

onacasserole · 2017-11-19T05:48:38+00:00

Your problem isn't dating, it's all the underlying distrust of men. I have had the personal displeasure of going on a couple first dates with men who clearly had issues with women. Even though they weren't rude to me or physically intimidating/scary, I picked up on that vibe loud and clear. You will not get commitment from a high value partner if you're sending out this vibe.

I think this forum is great because it gives women a strategy for operating in the world and especially in relationships with men, BUT on a date your head shouldn't be full of a million check marks and best practices for doing things. I think you need to take the pressure wayyyyyyyy off.

Stop thinking about a date in all these super serious terms and just enjoy an evening out. Go into it knowing that nothing may come of it, that something great might come of it, or that you might at least learn something or have a new experience. If you are relaxed, answer questions honestly, can vet well, and just enjoy yourself that's the best possible recipe for success.

I firmly believe a lot of my success dating (and finding mr. right) had to do with my dating approach. I fully buy into the male/female differences and the approach RPW promotes, but a date is just a date. I do think a first date is too early to talk serious expectations, unless you're directly asked something specific (i.e. "would you ever want to move to London?" "do you think you'd want kids someday?"). In general, my friends who have had the most trouble dating (and are still single, in our 30s) either took dating way too seriously and talked super personal stuff or big plans way too early, OR women who jumped into bed with FWB over and over again.

Chill, enjoy yourself, and understand that this is a numbers game. I have an incredible, handsome, smart, kind, captain, but I went on a lot of mediocre dinner dates. The reason I still found my guy is because I was open to dates (not sex, just dates) with lots of men, but if I had misgivings or it didn't click I never dragged out the process, I just didn't see them again. I think you have problems in this area because your barometer for good guys vs. jerks is colored by all your trust issues, so you have to resolve those first before any of this will work.

StepfordInTexas · 2017-11-18T21:24:10+00:00

I highly recommend the book “Get Serious About Getting Married “ She really helps layout navigating the dating phase when you are looking for long term commitment.

Omaewayowai · 2017-11-19T23:25:20+00:00

Hate to break it to you but that's all men are naturally interested in, it's in our biology.

Title	Getting to commitment.
Author	curiouscreature00
Upvotes	7
Comments	16
Date	November 18, 2017 2:27 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7dt7kc/getting_to_commitment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/getting-to-commitment.73775 https://theredarchive.com/post/73775

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