How do I make home life enjoyable?

anothergoodbook · 2023-03-06T12:15:20+00:00

My husband and I went through a very rough period with him dealing with depression and OCD. He got very angry as well.

I started off trying to help him and make everything better (that codependency thing). Then I got angry and our relationship took a huge hit.

I would say things got better for me when I delved into hobbies and friendships and just taking care of my mental health. I let my husband deal with his stuff and just be a support when I could. Our relationship has gotten stronger and he’s apologized since then.

As to the other reply… my father in law left my mother in law. He was very angry. And he seemed like the bad guy in everything. Come to find out that my mother in law was incredibly controlling and passive aggressive. She was totally disrespectful and undermined his authority with the kids at every turn. Neither one of them was great honestly.

I made the mistake of mentally and emotionally checking out for a while because I expected my husband to do the same once our kids get older. And while I had zero intention of divorce I just figured once the kids were older we would lead very different lives. That did not help our relationship in the slightest. My husband was like - then why should he try if the plan is to separate in 10 years?

I read The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle which did help a lot. But the one major difference I divided from Laura is that I stopped trying to “fix” my marriage and just totally work on me for the last 6 months or so. That’s made the biggest impact I think on the happiness in my own life and in the house.

Jenneapolis · 2023-03-06T18:46:34+00:00

Have you asked him what he wants you to do? I find I’m very horrible trying to predict how to solve these things with my man. What he wants from me generally is not what I would know to do instinctively. I will be like “let’s take more walks,” I’ll try to get us out of the house more, trying to get us doing activities, or trying to solve his problems for him. However when I ask what he wants it, it’s usually something more like for me to STFU, quit nagging, give him more space, or something like that. So maybe just ask him what he needs. If he tells you he doesn’t know, just try to make the home a happy place. Bring in some flowers, light candles, cook, play music, keep it clean. Even if he says he doesn’t care about that stuff, if you brighten up the environment it will show that you are trying to do whatever you can in your control and guys really appreciate effort.

rosesonthefloor · 2023-03-06T20:58:59+00:00

So I know this might be a bit hard with everything going on, but can you try and find ways to add lightness and joy back into your lives? Or as Laura Doyle calls it, being the “Goddess of Fun and Light”? Essentially - just try and have fun!

For you, that might look like taking time for self-care, focusing on things that make you happy, and “refilling your cup” so you have more patience for him. And for the both of you, it might look like putting music on and asking him to dance in the kitchen, or making smiley faces in your food, or leaving him a love note where you know he’ll find it. What you actually do will depend on your relationship.

For example, you could try a date night adventure book or spice things up by cooking dinner for him wearing just an apron and lingerie! Maybe try and recreate your first date at home, or put together a photo book of your relationship? Why not have a games night, or find a drinking game for a movie you both like? You could also try cooking a new recipe together, or maybe you could surprise him with one.

You could also try getting back to things that you both enjoyed doing together earlier on in your relationship. I’d also suggest taking on all the planning for whichever activities you decide to do, so he has one less thing to worry about. And honestly… not sure what your sex life is like, but you’d be surprised at the amazing mood boosting effects of a good blowjob haha! Ultimately, whatever it is, you just have to change your relationship ratio.

I also really like Laura Doyle’s advice on emotional safety. You said that you didn’t do your part to support him, so he might not feel as though he can be his true self with you, and that might create some of that tension and distance you’re feeling. Going forward, aim to support from a non-judgmental place. Conflict is inevitable, but how you respond to it is entirely up to you.

The fact that you’re wanting to create a better home life is a great start. And while this whole situation might feel all-consuming, it, like all things, will not last forever. Practice gratitude, focus on the good, and the good will increase. Good luck!

Due_Tip6665 · 2023-03-06T10:44:45+00:00

You’re very young, considering that you mention the relationship is on the rocks, I’d look at returning to work (even part-time) so you can financially support yourself if it ends, and you can build an emergency savings fund for yourself. I know too many SAHMs who’s husbands left them after the kids turned 18. The outcome wasn’t great for them and resulted in a complete lifestyle change for them all (from living an affluent lifestyle, to working as a casual retail assistant and living in a share house at 50).

AutoModerator · 2023-03-06T10:27:34+00:00

Title: How do I make home life enjoyable?

Full text: Hi everyone. So my partner is an entrepreneur with a successful business. Recently he had an important business partner relationship breakdown and he's essentially pivoting the company now into a different industry.

I do not currently work independently or make an income, instead I work minimally for his company and do 100% of the household.

We are also living outside of our home countries and move often. And we both are home most of the time due to the lifestyle and him working for himself, he works from home.

Since then, home life has become rather depressing and I know I'm really to blame for that. It was hard on our relationship, he went through a depressed period and I didn't handle it well. (And by depressed I mean he was angry all the time) I don't speak to my family about it since we don't have a close relationship like that. I didn't not take him being so depressed well and it got to a point where everything made him angry and he really didn't want to engage in life anymore, because he invested so much time into this business partnership he felt like he had wasted precious years of his life. He wants to be very financially well off before having children and this will likely delay that for another few years. That got to me because I'm almost 23 and all I want is to have children but I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to have to wait now.

I didn't do my part in supporting him through it rather receding into my own world to cope with the stress. I guess the question I'm asking is how can I make our time at home enjoyable again? I grew up in a single mother household and was sheltered from problems as a child and I do tend to have some codependency issues.

Just looking for advice here in general especially from some of the older women as I am struggling. I don't really know how to help ease his burden in any way and I'm looking for ways to improve the situation at home since it's depressing for us both at the moment and the relationship is not really in a good state either. If you could point me towards some books or speakers about dealing with tough times in a traditional structure/while maintaining femininity, that'd be great too.

Thanks for making it this far ❣️

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VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-03-06T22:51:21+00:00

If you want to make your man happy, show him your boobs. There is literally NO WAY for a man to be unhappy when he is looking at boobs. If he asks why, say, "I wanted to cheer you up."

I am not making this up. It WILL work. ;)

brushshstrokes · 2023-03-07T00:51:55+00:00

Maybe cook him something nice? Don't take it personally if he doesn't want to eat it though.

Title	How do I make home life enjoyable?
Author	CharacterOrdinary551
Upvotes	12
Comments	8
Date	March 6, 2023 10:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11jv3wl/how_do_i_make_home_life_enjoyable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-make-home-life-enjoyable.1154285 https://theredarchive.com/post/1154285

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