How do I make it better ?

Amanda-Black · 2020-03-11T13:12:39+00:00

Hiii

You can't..

I was him in my marriage, It takes me weekly therapy sessions, Loads of introspection, etc etc. And im 35...

He wont change, either accept it or move on.

What will also most likely happen at the end of this relationship is that you will call him egoistic and abusive. Not personal! Just what you see happening all-the-time.

AriesAsF · 2020-03-11T13:35:23+00:00

Only 6 months in?? You're still in the honeymoon period. It's just going to get worse from here. Don't have children with this man, he won't change and his behavior towards them will be the same. Move on and select someone who can roll with the punches that life and children inevitably bring. Control freaks are only capable of making everyone in the family miserable.

Homicidal_Reluctance · 2020-03-11T13:45:41+00:00

he's a control freak through and through. sell up your half of the business and get out of there

nevomintoarce · 2020-03-11T13:40:26+00:00

He's 48, he won't change.

girlwithabike · 2020-03-11T13:32:10+00:00

You cannot change another person. 6 months is still a young relationship and you shouldn't necessarily be trying to change things. This early on it's likely a compatibility issue.

Unless you agree with his reactions towards you and think you need personal improvement. If his guidance is warranted and will help you to grow then you work to change yourself.

You are 26 and you have to trust your own judgement a little bit here. Is he unrealistic with everyone around him or does he have high expectations that are attainable and he's willing to help people reach? And does he hold himself to the same level of expectations that he holds others.

He's old enough that he's unlikely to change and 6 month is a drop in the bucket compared to 'til death do us part'. Are you willing to have this relationship with this man as-is forever? I'm not trying to encourage you towards a 'yes' or a 'no' but these are all questions you need to ask yourself.

LateralThinker13 · 2020-03-11T21:26:33+00:00

How do I make this better ?

You don't. You may be able to soften him in this, but... after 48 years of being like that, it's unlikely that even a perfect RPW presentation would elicit much change in him. You... may want to reconsider your choice.

EDIT: Unlike others in this thread, I do believe older people can change... if they want to. Problem is, it sounds like he wants others to change to his desires, not that he works with them. That's a very bad sign for future compromise. Honestly, I'd probably bail.

princesscarolyn25 · 2020-03-11T20:09:57+00:00

Date in your life arena.

I said life arena and not age range. He’s being controlling because he’s built his life and he needs you to fit in it. You’re young and free and need to build your own thing. If you’re 26- you could date up until 35 and you’d be in the same life arena(unless you’re dating on the extreme ends of the spectrum)

NixieNik99 · 2020-03-11T13:54:34+00:00

He's too old at 48 . Can't teach old dogs new tricks. Move on and find someone else more to your liking .

Amanda-Black · 2020-03-14T17:30:52+00:00

He does not criticize me per say. He is just constantly correcting me. Sometimes I’ll have a good time something, an opinion or an idea but he’ll always come up with reasons why that won’t work and what he thinks is better. He really always believes that he knows best

simmingslytherin · 2020-03-11T13:51:06+00:00

We are constantly changing employees because he always has something to complain about, often when they leave they list him always being dissatisfied as one of the reasons.

sounds like this "always being dissatisfied" thing is a he problem, not a you problem. i don't know how you could make this better (by yourself), when the problem is with him, not you. have you tried to talk to him about it like:

I appreciate and value that a lot but it can really get too much. ?

maybe find out if he is even aware of how he comes off to you and other people/that there is a negative side to being so demanding? and if he wants to work on it/figure out how to communicate it differently.

Because I am younger, he feels that he is coaching me so we can ran the businesses together.

maybe this issue (him being too demanding) is something you can help him figure out :) for the sake of your business and your relationship.

chibinuts · 2020-03-14T15:25:24+00:00

What is he doing to you specifically? Criticizing you a lot? About what exactly? I would not care what he's doing to employees.

Amanda-Black · 2020-03-14T17:35:00+00:00

You are very spot on by saying he wants others to change to his desires. He expects others to bend over backwards to impress him. It’s a lot.

Amanda-Black · 2020-03-14T17:36:03+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate this insight

Amanda-Black · 2020-03-14T17:45:14+00:00

After some thinking. I’m realizing that it is probably I who needs to change and take up more space in the relationship.

Amanda-Black · 2020-03-14T17:43:15+00:00

I appreciate this comment. You are right, he is an alpha, and It’s insightful to hear from another alpha. I definitely don’t think I’d have money issues with him, but I’d definitely have freedom issues.

I would not describe myself as a beta, I am just afraid of crossing respect boundaries. I have a fairly strong personality and have frequently bitten my tongue because I do not want him to feel disrespected or emasculated.

2020-03-11T17:05:25+00:00

Looks like a prime alpha animal to me!

He will be happy to provide for you but at his age business and his agenda will always come first. Trying to change him will be like poking a hungry lion. He will show you his fangs.

I am the same. I will do everything for my wife and our kids and bend over backwards to keep them financially afloat but it is VERY hard for me to compromise. Even in the toughest times I never, ever blamed anyone else but me. Taking total responsibility means I AM in charge. During the decades (we are together 40 years, married for 34) my wife kind of calmed and tamed me down but we both paid a VERY high price and still are paying it.

He will be super focused and probably he will get nice results with his business. He also probably never will be physically violent against you. Expect that you and your potential kids will have no money issues whatsoever. But be prepared for TOUGH times ahead.

At your age and wanting to have kids a good masculine provider with broad shoulders seems like the perfect catch, I get this. But this golden coin has a flip side.

Don’t want to scare you but if you have this kind of thoughts you expressed after only 6 months you both are probably NOT a good match. Kids will probably make it worse.

Alphas tend to only accept other alphas or at least partners who are willing and able to hold ground and fight back. Don’t be the beta who will be eaten alive.

Title	How do I make it better ?
Author	Amanda-Black
Upvotes	9
Comments	19
Date	March 11, 2020 12:55 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fgwpeu/how_do_i_make_it_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-make-it-better.355689 https://theredarchive.com/post/355689

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