How submissive without being married?

PhantomDream09 · 2014-08-25T20:13:50+00:00

We believe in being supportive, competent, and loving to our SO's - whether married or dating.

It seems to me that being submissive in a relationship that isn't a marriage sets you up to make permanent choices with life-long consequences in what could amount to a temporary relationship.

I'm not sure what you're alluding to when you say "permanent choices." I have every intention of being with my SO for the rest of my life, and marriage is not a priority for either of us. We both work hard to maintain a dynamic that promotes mutual happiness, security, and satisfaction. If a woman doesn't invest fully in a relationship - then there's really no point in having one at all. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding what you mean. Best case scenario, you seem to be suggesting that a woman should only commit fully and entirely to a man if they are relatively certain that marriage is on the horizon. Worst case scenario is that a woman should only commit fully and adopt a supportive role after there's a ring on her finger.

Even for ladies that ultimately want to get married - they have to create a solid and loving foundation. Women earn exclusivity by displaying their value, women help maintain the strength of the romantic relationships by following through on their previously suggested value.

The RPW sub doesn't promote or push any religion. Many of the users here different spiritual beliefs (from Christianity to Atheism), religion is a personal choice and is in no way tied to any of the RP related subs.

FleetingWish · 2014-08-25T20:29:02+00:00

To me a relationship is a stepping stone for marriage, and sort of like an audition. This goes both ways.

If he is a man who she trusts, then he might be a guy who she will want to marry. If the trust isn't there, then why is she still continuing the relationship with him? If he is a man she trusts, then there's no reason to not to be submissive to him.

If she is a women who trusts him, then she might be a woman who he will want to marry. If trust isn't there, then why is he still continuing the relationship with her? If she is a woman who trusts him, then there is no reason to not be submissive to him.

In other words, a lack of submissiveness might ruin your chance of marriage before you even get there. It makes no sense to spend your "audition" in a way totally different than you plan on spending your marriage, you're showing him an inaccurate portrayal of yourself, and he would have no reason to commit to you.

In reality, submissiveness should start when you meet a guy you're interested in. Not full blown, but to a certain degree. Like baking him cookies, and being pleased if he likes him. As you spend more time with him and your trust grows, then so does your submissive nature.

In fact, you can even be submissive (to a degree) to people who you're not interested in. Of course, you never let them take advantage of you. But, being submissive can be a good way to deal with people sometimes. For example, it might be good to tell your boss you have faith his decision. Men don't have a lot of people who believe in them, and being that person can look very favorably on you.

Personally, my SO and I aren't going to get married, because marriage hurts men too much, and I don't want to put my SO in danger of being hurt. But we've been together for almost 3 years, and I am fully submissive to him. I trust him to make decisions for me, and I have literally trusted him with my life. As most people here are aware, I have cancer, and I trust his decisions in every part of the process, from picking the doctor, to making medical decisions on my behalf if I cannot.

sierrasecho · 2014-08-26T22:22:22+00:00

I am not married, but I am in a committed relationship with my SO, with the intention (and current reality) of building a life together. Coming up on two years together now, so take this as you will.

RP knowledge is not based at all upon a traditional Christian marriage mindset. It is more evolutionary geared, as these concepts have more to do with how a woman's, and a man's brains are "hard wired", and these concepts would generally last across all cultures, at all times, from cavemen onwards. It just so happens that Christianity developed societal structures that worked with that hard-wiring.

As another thread points out, I yield rather than submit. My input is heard, and not just trampled on, but more often than not, I yield to his judgement. I would like to say that I was like this from the beginning, as I was raised by a very RP father. Alas, my SO and I took it very slow when we met, and I took many months to "vet" him. (of course, he was the only one I was dating at that time). But once I decided he was worth making a real go at it with (6 months ish), I have fully ceded the Captain's hat to him. It's not that I wasn't following his lead, or fighting for dominance at alll, but that we had not established enough of a life together to really notice it. Submission is only one part of it: there's also respect, admiration, sexing, being pleasant and giving. He had all that. It was that there wasn't much I needed to submit to, until we became serious, and certain life decisions needed to be made.

sugarcrush · 2014-08-26T01:01:17+00:00

When I was dating I went into it with the goal of marriage. So I more or less acted and made the same decisions I do now. I did have a couple boundaries- I didn't talk finances with anyone until I moved in with my husband. And I don't think I would have done anything crazy like move across the country for a guy without a very serious commitment (preferably engagement, at the very least living together)... but that never came up, so who knows? :P

I think the big thing is you have to decide for yourself how submissive you will be and then accept the consequences. If you are going for a RP type relationship, theres a couple ways it could go:

You strike a perfect balance, ride off into the sunset and get married (the goal obviously)
You are too submissive, let yourself get taken advantage of, possibly even get strung along for too long and then get ditched when you are older and have less options
Not be submissive enough, your captain decides he wants someone easier to deal with and leaves you, maybe you don't realize this is the problem and it happens with multiple relationships and again you are old and have less options

If I HAD to pick between scenarios 2 and 3 I would probably go with 3, because I would be terrified of a being a doormat in the #2 (hehe #2... cough cough anyways) situation and ending up far away isolated from friends and family with no job and as an unmarried mother or something like that.

valleycupcake · 2014-08-26T02:11:17+00:00

I am a Christian RPW. I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months or so and we are planning on getting married in the coming winter.

I see submission as an audition not only for me, but for him. I follow his lead and see where that takes me. Does he display the kind of qualities I want to follow for the rest of my life? Does he take my genuine needs into consideration at all times, and sometimes consider my preferences as well? Will he be a strong guide for our children? I can only answer those questions by submitting to him in everything. But I retain my discernment. If, before marriage, he tried to lead me onto a seriously wrong path (not just an "agree to disagree" area but something I thought was truly harmful to my/his/our long-term wellbeing), that would be grounds for considering a breakup.

Likewise, of course, he can't really know what he is getting into with you unless you act substantially the same as you intend to act when you are married. (Or if you don't believe in sex before marriage, at least exploring your values and desires with him in that area.)

I believe in biblical values for relationships, but they can be difficult to apply in our culture. We have to separate cultural norms from biblical imperatives. There was no "dating" as we know it back then. Most people were betrothed, or promised, to a future spouse as children. However, although the betrothed did not yet share a household, in some respects this was a stronger commitment than today's notion of "engagement." Fidelity was expected, and it was not broken off without a strong reason (that's why it was so noble of Joseph to decide to break it off quietly with Mary when his betrothed was pregnant and it was not his doing).

Our culture is probably not going to go back to betrothal or arranged marriages anytime soon, and that's okay. But I keep the notion of an important time of pre-marriage that is a strong commitment and requires wifely conduct such as submission.

Title	How submissive without being married?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	8
Date	August 25, 2014 8:00 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2ek5k1/how_submissive_without_being_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-submissive-without-being-married.165701 https://theredarchive.com/post/165701

Comments