How to change the way I react?

M_riane · 2016-11-17T09:57:33+00:00

The important thing is that you didn't act on that first reaction, and you replaced it with empathy. I think empathy is something you can practice. If you do this every time, and when you get to know your boyfriend better and trust even more that he has your best interest at heart, it will come more naturally. But also be empathic with yourself: it's normal that when someone you don't know very well yet have you wait for an hour and then cancels, your instant reaction is annoyance. Because usually when people do this, the reasons aren't valid. Here they were and your man will definitely appreciate you supporting him.

loneliness-inc · 2016-11-17T14:30:39+00:00

Your first reaction isn't within your abilities to control. You can try to change your personality, but that takes years of work. Don't beat yourself up over the first reaction.

What you do with your reaction is within your control. You did a good job there. Congratulate yourself.

Getting upset is okay. What makes you a great gal is when you catch that upsetness and nip it in the bud because there's no reason to be upset. You have to remember though that the first reaction wasn't based on reason.

Willow-girl · 2016-11-17T13:29:49+00:00

Relax. You did OK! I don't see anything wrong with being annoyed by the situation, but you processed it rationally, and delivered the correct reply. Good job, give yourself a pat on the back.

I think it's important to differentiate emotions and actions: you can FEEL whatever you want; it's what comes out of your mouth (or shows in your actions) that counts. You have to have a sort of filter, a way of stepping back and evaluating your feelings, not reacting blindly to them. (Act, don't react.) It seems you have or are developing this, and that's good. Just keep going down that path, and don't beat yourself up for having occasional feelings that aren't rational or generous. What's important is the filter. :-)

nonthaki · 2016-11-17T14:01:12+00:00

You want to get rid of that thinking ? Just think of yourself as continuing this behavior through the relationship and maybe even marriage , and then imagine in your mind how quickly he vaporizes out of your life . That should be incentive enough .

rpredneck · 2016-11-17T17:10:48+00:00

I want to get to the right way of thinking as a reaction

The more you catch yourself before you react and then behave a different way (like you did), the more this will become natural. In short, you'll get there if you keep handling like you did.

[deleted] · 2016-11-17T14:18:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

FriedHayek · 2016-11-17T14:53:57+00:00

But even though I calmed myself and wrote a nice reply to him, I still had the first reaction in my head, and I want to get rid of that way of thinking. How do I work on that? I want to get to the right way of thinking as a reaction, not get a bad reaction, step back to calm myself and then think the right way, if that made any sense.

Read or reread the sidebar, recommend books. If you want to program your primary instincts, you need to read slower and deeper into the texts. Find anything practical for your life?

I know my first reaction would have been how I reacted to my ex and I actually feel kind of ashamed to even think like that in this situation.

As you've already done here. It's an automatic 'When-Then' thing. Before this, you had When: events at my bf's job forces him to reschedule our plans ... Then: I will be angry and send texts which imply that he purposely slights me with this ...

Or something. You've already done this. Do it again.

Before the next time something like this happens, you need to rewrite your 'When-Then' to something else you like.

runway · 2016-11-17T23:38:00+00:00

Admitting you have a problem is the first step!

You’re still young. I think that, for most people, selfishness is something you age out of, for the most part. As you get older you might find that realizing you have more to lose in life will temper or alter how you react to things. One day, when you’ve made set plans with someone you love and they just don’t show up, your response won’t be, “WTF?, I was so looking forward to this, I’m so disappointed and bummed now!” It might be closer to, “OMG, where is [loved one]? What happened to them? Are they okay? Why aren’t they answering? Should I call the hospital?” Because that’s how I react*.

Dating a guy who works in emergency response, you might have to accept that all plans are soft until you’re actually doing them and adjust your expectations accordingly.

You’re allowed to be bummed that your evening/weekend plans didn’t pan out the way you wanted. And good for you that you realized expressing an immediate negative emotion wasn’t going to help anything. One day you’ll be quicker to express empathy and compassion.

^(I’ll just share a personal story demonstrating that:)

[story removed because personal]

Zerdiox · 2016-11-18T12:41:45+00:00

There is nothing wrong with your first reaction, you were annoyed and pissed because you didn't hear anything and where feeling sad that things had to be postponed. That's a good thing, it shows you want to spend time with him. You can also tell him that and share those emotions because they are genuine and I'm sure he would love to hear them. As long as you keep realising that you shouldn't be mad at people when they can't help how things went you'll be perfectly fine.

Title	How to change the way I react?
Author	Kiivaa
Upvotes	12
Comments	20
Date	November 17, 2016 8:41 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5det0b/how_to_change_the_way_i_react/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-change-the-way-i-react.86640 https://theredarchive.com/post/86640

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