How to handle/communicate small issues that upset you to your partner in a feminine way?

BePrivateGirl · 2023-05-03T06:23:14+00:00

Oh man…I do this a lot and then I explode. I really have a lot of work to do in this area.

There are suggestions from Laura Doyle to say “ouch” in the moment. Not getting asked about how you are feeling on your period isn’t a great example. It’s more if he says “that’s silly” about something important to you. Just say “ouch” it communicates immediately and it’s not mean or accusatory.

I have also found a lot of value in writing notes on my phone and then sending emails.

The first note often starts as: “I can’t believe how selfish you are. You didn’t even ask how I was. I’m probably so unimportant to you that you didn’t even think to consider…” it’s RAWR!! Kinda scary. But I just download my feelings.

Over the next few days I edit multiple times, try to get more clarity, stop with the attacks and accusations, and my note usually ends up saying, “I didn’t feel well, and I would have felt better if you asked me about my day.”

Holding in anger or hurts doesn’t work. Completely saying whatever emotional anger or hurt is on your mind also doesn’t work.

So editing notes until I have something reasonable and constructive to say really works for me.

JunkDrawerExistence · 2023-05-03T06:30:50+00:00

It sounds like you felt hurt, and sad that he didnt seem to care about your well being. You say it was a phone conversation - in that moment the only way he could have showed he cared was verbally, which he did not do. Ask yourself - is he usually one that shows love verbally? Some people show love and care in different ways - maybe if he were over he would have cleaned the house while you relaxed on the couch, or given you a massage. If he usually shows care in other ways - then when those feelings arise, I would reassure myself that he loves me and that it was actually my own expectation of how he should show me love that is causing me the hurt. I expect it of him, thus I am hurt.

If he is a person that shows care in mostly non verbal ways - than this is definitely an issue that needs to be discussed if your relationship is mostly verbal (thinking long distance). If thats the case, I don't think you should let it go. I wouldn't attack him, but I would share my feelings: "I feel needy. I know that you love me. We are only able to talk on the phone, so I am missing your wonderful massages that make me feel so loved. Can you help me find a way to feel your love while we are only able to talk and not be together?"

The important thing here is that you feel cared for - I don't think, at the end of the day, how he accomplishes that really matters (asking how you are is just how you'd do it). Tell him how you feel, present the problem, ask for help. Dont blame him - you do know he cares, you just dont feel it. Trust him to fix it in a way that's authentic for him - and then you'll know it's genuine too!

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-05-03T17:28:15+00:00

"Hey you're a great man but sometimes I wish you'd communicate like a girl."

This is definitely let-go territory. It was a phone conversation; men are usually focused on logistics when not in-person. I seriously can not think of a time my husband has asked how I was doing through a phone conversation or text (except when we were dating long-distance), and for context in person he can tell if I'm bothered faster than I can tell.

If possible, I suggest you make a practice of identifying what you want in a particular situation and then expressing that desire. There's a good chance this will cut down on the minor things that upset you occuring if you can gain this skill. Otherwise you're going to have things like you feeling upset he didn't ask if you want to eat out because you mentioned you were hungry but felt too tired to cook a half hour ago.

Men really, really like fulfilling desires when they actually get expressed. For example, in that conversation, you could have said, "I still feel awful today and [want to hear I'm still loved when I feel gross/want some snacks you could pick up/want a long hug when you get home/etc.]"

Scared-Highlight-419 · 2023-05-03T05:44:00+00:00

Every time he does something to upset you I think the most mature thing to do is pull back a little, It gives him room to think about what he’s done wrong.

AutoModerator · 2023-05-03T05:02:33+00:00

Title: How to handle/communicate small issues that upset you to your partner in a feminine way?

Full text: Hi ladies, I’m wondering if anyone might be able to give me some advice on how you go about communicate issues to your partner in a feminine way. In the past, I had a tendency to react in an overly emotional or sometimes callous way when dealing with minor issues and I’m wondering how I can improve my approach.

The main thing that confuses me is how much should I “let go” of small issues that aren’t really a big deal but still hurt my feelings. I’ll give an example for context: today I was on my period and feeling pretty under the weather and my partner knew I wasn’t feeling well but when he called me that evening didn’t ask how I was feeling at all which hurt my feelings a bit but I know it’s a super minor issue given that he’s overall a great partner. In these situations, would you bring it up at all and if so how would you go about it?

Thankyouuu xoxo

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Title	How to handle/communicate small issues that upset you to your partner in a feminine way?
Author	tam1499
Upvotes	10
Comments	13
Date	May 3, 2023 5:02 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/136axj9/how_to_handlecommunicate_small_issues_that_upset/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-handlecommunicate-small-issues-that-upset.1217653 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217653

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