Introducing Myself

exploring_rpw · 2014-01-15T04:32:30+00:00

You can be the primary breadwinner and still be submissive to your SO. Allow him to begin making more decisions in your lives. Let him do the leading, maybe make decisions about how the money is spent, despite the fact you are making the majority of it.

If there are power struggles, it is likely on your fault. Those come from you fighting with him because he is going to naturally try to gain control. You should begin allowing him that control rather than fighting for it.

Is your SO the homemaker if you're taking home most of the money? Although the reverse can work, it must be frustrating him if there are power struggles. I imagine he isn't happy in such a position. He probably feels emasculated by being in the secondary position.

If you are here, then you must want help, but I am not sure if you're asking or simply stating our philosophy is wrong because you are an exception, which there are always exceptions and outliers.

PhantomDream09 · 2014-01-15T03:57:41+00:00

A few questions:

Why are you the decision maker?
Why are there power struggles?
What are you frustrated with most?

I'm not sure why you assume many of us are part or full time homemakers. It's true that some of the women here choose to stay at home, but there are a lot of women currently going to school or working full-time jobs.

It sounds like you may need to stop competing for control. Allow him to lead and be your Captain. From your description this may not be easy, he clearly has a few things to work on, but I will keep my reply focused on you.

Stop trying to take control, allow him to lead. Instead of battling him for power, step back and try listening to him instead. Change your focus from "I'm right and I'm in charge" to "I love this man, and I trust him to make good decisions." This may be difficult for him to accomplish, since he has to show you that he is a good Captain and start being more assertive.

You should both take a look at Married Man Sex Life.

Continue reading and absorbing everything the women here are saying. You can be dominant outside of your relationship, but you also need to tap into a softer side of your personality and show him that he is loved.

I have more thoughts on the subject, but this will do for now.

TempestTcup · 2014-01-15T16:57:28+00:00

My husband is retired and I would be except that I have a low stress job that I like and pays really well (accountant), and we work things out fine. He spends the day building stuff; right now he's building me a fence so we can get a puppy this spring.

I think the main thing is how you treat him. Quit making decisions and quit struggling for power and treat him like a man, not a dependent. If you treat him like a big strong man he will be a big strong man.

wendy-fly · 2014-01-15T18:48:27+00:00

Hey there! You are singing my song. My husband is a full-time student and I currently make all of our money, I also have historically been the decision maker. Here is what I'm learning- my control is about anxiety. I feel that if I don't do it, it won't get done. The problem is that I have created that reality for myself by managing, manipulating, and controlling everything. I don't mean that I do it meanly, it's just what I do. I have a clear vision of how things must be or should be, and then I work like hell to make it that way. Sometimes this inclination leads us to high achievement in our careers and financial situations, but ultimately makes us unhappy in our romantic relationships. I'm new to this too and I'm finding this to be harder than I thought, but I don't want to live with my anxiety. I want to be able to rely on my partner and trust him completely.

Here is my plan (because, you know, I gotta have a plan ;) ): 1.) I never turn him down in the bedroom, I engage fully in sex, I let/prefer him to be the dominant sexual partner. 2.) Take on more traditional divisions of labor- I love to cook, so cooking for him is easy. I make meals I know he'll like, I serve the meal. I take care of most of the inside housework. He does help out when all of the outside stuff is done, which is not RP approved, but it is what it is right now. I don't know that I can get all of the inside stuff done while working enough hours to keep the mortgage paid and the lights on. 3.) Encourage/notice/appreciate his masculinity. I also ask him to carry the heavy things, open pickle jars, and take every opportunity to praise his manliness. When he picks up the heavy bag and offers me his arm to walk out of the store, I melt and I let him see me melt. 4.) I do what tempest said- I take care of the necessary stuff- keep the mortgage paid, lights on, dogs fed, and let go of the rest. 5.) I let him make the decisions for the next four months. Where do we go for dinner? Who do we ask over for a dinner party? As many decisions as possible, I let him make it. If he waffles, I smile and sweetly tell him that I love it when he makes decisions and then I demonstrate my appreciation after he makes the decision. And never criticize the decision he made- he decided Chinese but I don't feel like Chinese? Doesn't matter, Best. Decision. Ever. It encourages him to feel comfortable making decisions, knowing I'm not going to trounce on his decision, and it increases his confidence in his decision making ability.

I haven't been around long, so if any of my advice goes against the more experienced RP ladies, going with their advice is a better option. I will tell you though that this is really hard stuff for me. Being in control is comfortable for me but it is slowly building resentment in me that everything is on me and from past relationships I know that it eventually poisons the relationship to feel alone like that. What is comfortable is not always what is best.

margerym · 2014-01-15T03:27:53+00:00

and all of the trappings of being the Alpha in the relationship.

Those are not all the trappings of being the Alpha in the relationship.

I read this sub and it seems like many if not all of you are part time or full time homemakers.

And many of us aren't. Being a homemaker or being the primary breadwinner is besides the point. The Red Pill is compatible either which way. Read the sub some more and you will see we have hashed this very question out over and over again.

Making more money does not mean you need to lord it over your man. Make sure he is both the dominant figure in your mind and that that is reflected in your actions. I highly recommend the book The Surrendered Wife for more on how to go about this but in general it's not rocket science- put everything in his hands. He is the Captain, you are the First Officer. He is in charge of the money and all decision making with your input. You follow his lead, not visa versa. That is really the gist of it.

rougecurious · 2014-01-15T05:21:51+00:00

Here are some things I've learned over the years:

First, stop calling yourself a breadwinner, terms like that don't help
Don't refer to the house/car/stuff as "my house", it's "ours"

I was raised in a home where my mother worked outside the home while my father raised me. She was utterly gracious and it was a non-issue. There was no power-play, no struggle and so much mutual appreciation.

Both at home and in her work she played the supporting role perfectly becasue she wasn't vying for recognition. Her satisfaction, her fulfilment was derived from the success of her husband, or her boss.

It's great that you are here and open to learning. Stick it out. It's going got pay off big time.

More details about the nature of the power struggles will help us help you.

Title	Introducing Myself
Author	exploring_rpw
Upvotes	6
Comments	25
Date	January 15, 2014 2:55 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1v8ufv/introducing_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/introducing-myself.84157 https://theredarchive.com/post/84157

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