I want to preface this post by admitting I have brought this onto myself due to my own naivety. Solutions only please.

Background: 23f with my current partner, 35m for four years. We have been playing house for 3 years and have a two month old, happy accident together. He also has two children with his ex who he has been separated from for eight years due to prior substance abuse and infidelity (she sobered up three years ago and recently moved back to town with her felon boyfriend.)

I love and care for my boyfriend deeply, but I don’t entirely respect him. I feel regretful for putting so much faith and effort into our relationship with such minimal return.

There are a few issues, but the major being that he did not tell me he was still married until two years into our relationship. His reason for keeping this from me was that he didn’t want to lose me. He said they simply hadn’t gotten around to it because she was strung out on drugs for so many years. He is a major procrastinator so this honestly didn’t surprise me (issue #2). Although I felt hurt and betrayed that he kept such a huge secret from me, I decided to stay because of the investment of time and other traits that make up for this huge character flaw. He does not prioritize well at all and I often find myself nagging (which I realize is detrimental and mostly ineffective.)

He has said in the past he wants to marry me, but minimal steps have been taken to finalize the divorce with his ex. I have expressed several times in the past years that it bothers me he is still legally bound to her and felt he needed to take care of it ASAP. These conversations have increased after becoming pregnant with our child. He agreed every time I mentioned it, but there would never be any action taken to resolve it. Two weeks ago, I had to basically threaten to leave him before he FINALLY printed the paperwork.. It’s currently sitting on our kitchen table, untouched for over a week.

I don’t believe he has feelings for his ex, due to their time apart and everything she put him through (possessiveness, consistent cheating, drug abuse during her second pregnancy, the list goes on..) and after so many years they’ve mutually agreed to a no fault divorce. At this point though, it’s not even about the divorce. I’m fed up with him not taking my needs and desires into consideration. And I’ve recently asked myself: Is this really the man I want to marry anymore?

We have a beautiful son together and an otherwise healthy relationship (we enjoy spending time together, rarely argue, have similar views, etc.), but a part of me wishes I had found this sub two years ago before I fully committed to someone of his caliber.

So, my question is this:

Do I stay with him for the sake of our child and hope the issue will improve on its own, or should I cut ties while our child is still young in order to prevent future damage? I realize this will decrease my overall RMV making it harder to find a decent partner in the long run, but I’m at a loss. Please help.