Libido down

StingrayVC · 2015-10-15T13:49:59+00:00

I'm hardly making any effort to be honest, but I just don't feel like and I don't know why.

I can sympathize. It's like quicksand, you don't make an effort because you don't feel like it which leads to less effort, because you feel like it even less. And down and down it goes. It won't get better until you make the effort, even though you don't feel like it.

It almost feels like you are literally peeling yourself off the couch because the lack of desire to do something. Do it. Peel yourself off. It's going to suck . . . at first. Then you're going to do something and you're going to think, "why did I put this off. This is a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. What's more I feel better."

Then, if you don't allow yourself to sit back down on that couch again, it becomes the opposite of quicksand. The more you do the better you feel and the better you feel the more you will do.

Whatever it is that you are not wanting to do, apply this to it. Writing it down makes it sound easy, and it can be. The hardest part is getting up. You can do this.

Get up off the couch. Right now. We've got your back.

TempestTcup · 2015-10-15T13:38:21+00:00

Have there been any changes to medication, birth control, diet, stress, etc.?

PhantomDream09 · 2015-10-15T15:26:57+00:00

He can be really supportive, but I'm just too scared to speak to him about it. Sometimes I try and he just ignores me and changes the subject.

Talking isn't the answer, taking action is what will get things rolling. How many people do you know that always talk about making changes? "I'm going to start working out every day," "I'm going to eat better," "I'm going to..." - and how many of those people actually follow through, make the change, and integrate it into their everyday life? There are some people that make it happen, but more people seem to favor talking about change in lieu of actually changing.

Are you playful with each other and do you flirt? Attraction has to be actively maintained and nurtured. Find a way to light your fire and dig up some enthusiasm. Working out and feeling good about yourself can increase your libido, and even if you are feeling a bit flat - that doesn't mean you can't make a point to look after him.

Yes, things come up and life gets busy, but there are things you can do. If you're bored, do something new, look for opportunities to be playful and to engage him physically. It can be as simple as stretching out in front of him while he's relaxing, or doing some exercises.

mels1 · 2015-10-15T14:15:34+00:00

Thankyou for your great replies!! The connection has a just gone, there's no spark, it's just like we're 'going through the motions' as it were. I am definately going to try more though, it's just that, I know that he knows that I'm not really that into it.

PremiumGoose · 2015-10-15T17:29:21+00:00

I empathize. I decided that when I felt like that I'd rub his back while we watch a show, then I could be watching something while it's happening so it's not as much effort, but then he'd tell me how much he enjoyed it which kicked me into doing it for real for real. Lead to sexy time 9 of 10 times.

He felt better and I felt better afterwards.

Other than that we get caught up in the work and domestic chore slog sometimes but we try to keep it temporary.

Beach_Baby · 2015-10-15T21:45:37+00:00

Sometimes I feel awkward initiating, and trying to be sexy very easily makes me feel more silly than anything else.

This is going to sound pretty ridiculous, but reading Ian Ironwood of The Red Pill Room's blogs directed specifically toward the First Mate seem to be the kickstart I need. His advice always motivates me to put in the extra effort.

Katniss_Granger · 2015-10-16T10:57:55+00:00

Are you eating right and exercising enough? People underestimate just how much those two things can change their hormones and moods.

I empathise, it is hard to do something you're just not feeling and it's worse when you want to feel it because it seems like it should be simple, I want to want this, why can't I make myself want it?!

Maybe try slipping on some sexy underwear everyday, it gives me a little boost knowing that I look good under my clothing and I want him to see it.

I'd also try a bit of a fake it til you make it, be enthusiastic and really take in how much he's enjoying it giving you enjoyment - don't just have sex for the sake of having sex, take it slow and gentle and take the time to reconnect and enjoy each other and make it fun too, flirt with him throughout the day, send him sexy texts and be playful. Sex shouldn't be chore and there'll be a way for you to enjoy it, you just have to find it :)

I hope it works out, it's so so horrible when you feel like you have to do it but it definitely isn't something you can ignore.

[deleted] · 2015-10-15T15:27:06+00:00

You are too young to be feeling this way! I'd suggest exercise during the day. And if that doesn't help you need to go to the ob/gyn or midwife and get your hormones checked. I'm a mom of two and I still nurse my one year old. I'm completely dry down there because of the hormones involved for breastfeeding but I make an effort. I exercise and think about sex during the day. Honestly the more you think about, the more you do and the more you do the more you want to. Like others have said, just get up and do it. You have to kick start the motions even when you don't feel like it. Mind over matter. That said, if you have a medical problem that needs to be fixed first!

[deleted] · 2015-10-15T15:27:42+00:00

Oh and let me suggest the supplement, Macca root. It might change your life!

mels1 · 2015-10-15T22:35:29+00:00

Thanks for everything so far ladies, you've all been fantastic! Taking your advice in hand, im just going to go for it :) thankyou so much, I'll let you know how it goes

Title	Libido down
Author	mels1
Upvotes	9
Comments	11
Date	October 15, 2015 1:26 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3ouryd/libido_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/libido-down.85678 https://theredarchive.com/post/85678

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