Looking for Help

Bakerofpie · 2014-02-22T22:32:03+00:00

It sounds like he is really going through a rough personal time. Have you considered depression? There are only limited things that can cause a man to deny sex, and process of elimination makes it seem that this is a likely issue.

SabineLavine · 2014-02-23T08:46:57+00:00

Give yourself a break. Have you asked him about it? My guess is that he's down because of his job situation, rather than anything to do with your appearance.

The first couple of years of being married are the hardest, IMO. It takes time to find your rhythm and learn how to communicate as a married couple. And sex drives fluctuate. There will be ups and downs, but the important thing is to address it as it happens.

PhantomDream09 · 2014-02-22T23:58:35+00:00

Working out is actually a great way to create more energy, and reduce stress. Make it your goal to work out every day, even if it's only for ten minutes of push-ups, jumping-jacks, and crunches.

Shaving shouldn't take more than five minutes. Conditioner is a great substitute for shaving cream. It will also save you some money. If you have time to wash your hair - you have time to shave.

I'm not sure your husband wants you to wear sexy clothing around drunk strangers while he's working. My SO likes me to wear something alluring when we go out, yes, but the purpose is to go out and relax. His attention will always be on me, at least partially, and even when he's focused elsewhere, I'll be right next to him.

If money is tight, figure out where you can cut back and how. Don't eat out, or buy coffee at specialty shops (Starbucks for example). It's cheaper to make coffee at home, as well as meals.

You don't need a lot of time in order to prep home-made meals. Here are three links to websites with recipes that take 30 minutes or less:

Also consider making large meals during the weekend that you can then store in the freezer or the refrigerator and warm up. Hamburger Helper is really fast, tuna is cheap, and the meals take 10 minutes tops. Not necessarily the healthiest depending on your dietary needs, but fast and really affordable.

Packing a meal for your husband and including a motivational note will also be a welcomed surprise. You want to let him know that you care about him, and that he has your love.

The key is to always be available to your man. If he is feeling like a bad provider, or his confidence is a bit shaken due to losing his job- then there are positive ways you can help him feel better. Dote on him. This starts with taking the time to let him know you consider him a priority. You don't need to spend four hours cleaning every day, but doing some general upkeep every day will show him that having a cozy home is important to you.

Clean all dishes directly after using them. Don't let them accumulate in the sink. If laundry is stacking up, throw in a load at night, and then switch it to the dryer in the morning. You can fold and do squats or lunges at the same time.

Do you give your husband back rubs? Are you pleasant to be around? My SO and I both work, being around him is the quickest way to eliminate any brewing bad-moods. Seeing him immediately puts a smile on my face, and I know he enjoys witnessing just how positively his presence affects me. Don't skimp on complimenting him, and letting him know that you are on his side no matter what.

His drive may be low for a number of reasons, all you can do is look for ways to help ease his stress, and improve the quality of life for both of you.

Keep making positive changes, and keep working on getting into shape. Love him and enhance his life.

pinkantlers · 2014-02-22T22:40:23+00:00

I'm at a loss with this one, but I'm sure the more experienced RPW will have some good ideas. Just wanted to say it sounds like you're doing your best in a difficult situation, and good luck.

eatplaycrush · 2014-02-22T23:09:12+00:00

" I know that I am not taking care of myself as much as I used to, It's gross, I know. I don't have time to keep house like I used to and don't cook nearly as often"

You already know your issues. I'd suggest looking into fixing them. If he is already stressed out about all the other issues in his life then why wouldn't you want to make sure you're 100% in tip top condition appearance wise for this man? So you can be his toy to use to relieve his stress.

Edit: I do hope you get these problems fixed, but I just wanted to add - Have you ever asked him why he doesn't always get off when you guys do? Possible something may be of concern.

[deleted] · 2014-02-23T00:31:53+00:00

You seem to know what you're doing wrong (not taking care of yourself and the house enough as well as not really cooking), so I can't tell you much there. But I can say you need to focus on fixing those things.

There are a lot of quick beauty routines to be found on YouTube: hairstyling, make up, etc. Utilize those to find quick and easy ways to up your look. As stated before, shaving doesn't take too long. You can use an electric razor or you can even Nair your legs before you shower and then just rinse it off. Bonus to moisturize soon after.

Find a day to clean up any large messes and then afterwards take care of messes as soon as they come up. It helps to keep your place clean for a longer time and will be less stressful.

There are quick workout routines online as well. Even just 10-30 minutes of walking/jogging a day can do wonders. Cardio is one of your best friends when it comes to working out.

As stated earlier, you can find quick and easy recipes online for delicious meals. I used to watch Rachel Ray's "30 Minute Meals," and she comes up with some fantastic recipes. You can also find cheap meals too, like from Sandra Lee's "Ten Dollar Dinners."

As far as your SO goes, he could be depressed or have low T. If he doesn't want to go to a doctor, you can't make him. It might help if he would be willing, though.

Title	Looking for Help
Author	Twothreeskank
Upvotes	6
Comments	14
Date	February 22, 2014 10:11 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ynl5p/looking_for_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/looking-for-help.84284 https://theredarchive.com/post/84284

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