Need advice - on the verge of a breakup unless something drastic changes. I think RPW might be it and I need help

RandyRanderson92 · 2016-08-18T15:05:18+00:00

If you want your relationship to work you need to stop thinking you are getting "nothing in return". He is currently working a lot but you dont say if he provides for you? Are you currently working? And honestly even if you are working...He sounds like the more successful partner and so you need to accommodate for this. He probably doesn't miss you because he comes home a hostile environment when he just wants to come home and relax. I know it's hard to feel neglected and ignored but seriously this is on you, he is just tired and wants to chill in front of the TV. There is nothing wrong with this - what is wrong is you picking fights over it. I think it would be best for you to start by being nice to be around and I suggest if you are in a bad mood that you exercise instead of taking it out on your man. He will appreciate you being healthy as well as avoiding fighting. Also having regular sex again and providing random blow jobs will help. Also you shouldn't moan about needing to clean your home and cook food for your man - these are the very basics for a RPW. I promise if you start with these very simple things you will see positive changes in your relationship very quickly.

Rommel0502 · 2016-08-18T17:03:13+00:00

Im going to add my own two cents as I have lived this from the man's side. I used to work in an investment bank on Wall St. The hours were 12-14 hours a day, 6-7 days a week. Those hours were also typically high pressure ones filled with market moves and deadlines.

With that said, I cannot tell you the number of relationships I had that fell apart because the woman either: 1) Could not understand someone working that much so therefore I must be with another woman, or 2) Didn't care I just was killing myself for 14 hours on 4 hours of sleep and started bombarding me with bullshit the moment I saw her.

I'll repeat here for clarity. I wasn't out chasing women. I wasn't out boozing it up with the boys. I wasn't out carousing and spending money. I was WORKING. One more time in case you missed it - W-O-R-K-I-N-G. At one of the most high stress and competitive jobs on the planet. Trust me, Id rather be home doing bullshit waiting for someone than going through that gauntlet.

In short, the monetary rewards from a job like that are substantial, but despite what Hillary and Bernie will tell you, those rewards are anything but free. Essentially, they buy your life - both currently and the years you will lose later because of the wear and tear from the stress. You want to be with a man with that type of ambition, you better be very understand and very supportive. There is just not a whole lot of gas in the tank for a lot of relationship bullshit, and few of us will put up with that for more than an instant.

loneliness-inc · 2016-08-18T14:54:57+00:00

with nothing in return.

Here may be the problem. How true is this statement? How accurate is it if it's true? Nothing at all in return? Does he provide for you? Does he fill his side of the deal? Or is your issue that he isn't filling your side of the deal by doing housework?

I know if I beg he will stay with me and give it one last chance.

Don't beg. Begging would give you a band aid at best. Become the best woman you can be. Become the most desirable and attractive woman. Become the woman he'd have to be stupid to leave behind.

Work on seeing the positives that he brings to the table. If all you think about is how you're being cheated and it's not fair, your relationship will go down the drain.

rainyweathergirl · Thu Aug 18 13:14:17 2016 UTC

I'm going to chime in here because my boyfriend works 12 hours a day every weekday (including travel time). I am a housewife and I stay home with the baby.

The number one thing is to be considerate that he's just had a tiring day. Don't bombard him with your problems. He's probably exhausted and he doesn't want to listen.

Be open about how much you love him. When he comes home offer him a hug. Compliment him, tell him what you like about him. Initiate sex with him. If you are in a bad mood confide in someone else.

[deleted] · 2016-08-18T13:02:49+00:00

This is difficult, because it's hard to say anything without knowing more about your dynamic with him. You say that he's stressed and irritable because of his move and his new job and you are having a hard time finding your way and are moody and leaning on him too much. I would say that that's an extremely normal reaction from both of you to this new and challenging situation. So I think it's a bit odd that he is already thinking of breaking up after only two moths of difficulties. Are you guys still very young? Were there troubles before? As for advice, I would not beat myself up so much and rather understand where your behaviour is coming from. You're anxous, stressed, you're adapting to a whole new life. Focus on yourself and don't be always waiting for him when he comes home. Leave him a meal in the fridge if that's what you're worried about, but go find yourself some stuff to do: a class, work, volunteering, whatever. So your feelings become less dependent on his feeling. That way, you can come home with fun stories about your day instead of whining that he doesn't want to do stuff with you. It will give you energy to be a good girlfriend and make you more positive, hopefully.

RPCNC · 2016-08-18T12:49:55+00:00

"but I don't know what's wrong with me lately."

I suggest seeing a doctor ASAP and tell him what you've written here. There might be something physical contributing to your admittedly variable moods.

Other than that, start doing everything you can to reduce stress in the home environment rather than increasing it.

"big promotion"

The modern corporate environment doesn't give one hute in hell about families or couples. Feminist bitches and self-imagined "RP-Alpha" Chads do everything they can to ensure this. But for now it is what it is and you have what you have.

"I know if I beg he will stay with me and give it one last chance."

Then I suggest you do so unconditionally and without delay.

Believe me, this is not the time to present him an emotional puzzle to solve by leaving a bread crumb trail of hints. He's already coming home every day stressed out and exhausted. And likely worried about "succeeding" at this new big position. Relationship uncertainty in the home will only add to that.

abri56 · 2016-08-18T13:54:11+00:00

Thank you. This is what I want to do I just have a hard time implementing it..

Yes I do work 40-50 hours per week and i'm studying 20 hours per week approx. to further my career. He loves this about me and wants me to finish my study ASAP so I can be earning more (i'm on about 60k he earns about 100k, and we are still in our twenties) and he wants to go into politics. He's very much a high powered man with big dreams.

I enjoy cooking for him and looking after him so I have no idea who I feel resentment after the fact other than my own unhappiness and selfishness.

I will definitely try for more sex, the main reason is that he's exhausted which is understandable but in that sense i'm always happy and ready to go. I am in good shape but exercising is a good idea too when i'm feeling like picking a fight.

I appreciate the tips and if you have any more please let me know. I really really really want to be posting a success story in a few months time.

procrastinator789 · 2016-08-21T01:03:46+00:00

Some steps for the short term:

1.Get a cleaning lady.
2.Have a date night at least once a week by eating out, once your SO is a social environment he will start loosening up and destressing, at least for the duration of the date. Go straight after work, meet him outside the office to save time after a long day.
3.Try initiating sex in the mornings, he will be more receptive.

Your SO's work schedule will likely be like this for at least a year. But fear not, if he is ambitious then getting ahead will involve a lot of socialising. This will mean networking, entertaining stake holders, corporate events; all events you will be encouraged to attend.

The long hours won't last forever too. Your SO will reach a sweet spot on the corporate ladder where getting more free time instead of money will become mutually beneficial to the company and your SO. This will be in the form of more paid vacation, flexible schedules, more staff to delegate to (allowing for less late nights).

I also work high stress and demanding work, as do many of my peers. The long work hours is a right of passage. It does get a lot better.

You will make new friends in the city in no time, there will be plenty of people in the same boat as you. Try looking online for networking events in your field of study or work, these are great places to make friends.

Stay positive and think long term, this is just a phase in your lives.

Hope that helps.

Ignored0ne · 2016-08-18T13:22:13+00:00

I am not sure if this will work with fairly feminist tendencies, but I have been in a situation vaguely similar. It sounds like there are other factors, though, in yours.

In my case, I was glad that that my wife was generally supportive. She was naturally anti-feminist, though, and simply did the housework as expected, with a few exceptions which she said were the boy's duty, but she organized it so I could do them all at once.

She wanted attention so she suggested things to do on the weekend together -walks in parks, malls, movies, etc. I needed my time so eventually I had Saturday to myself but we would have to compromise for Sunday in her favor.

In the long run, it helped to understand that this wasn't a permanent state of affairs either. Both of us had some tenacious optimism that things would be fine later, which helped. We never discussed approaching life as anything but together.

abri56 · 2016-08-18T14:32:58+00:00

Thank you. Yes we're fairly young (25, 28) and also haven't lived together alone before this so its a lot of change quickly but there was still some arguing/unhappiness before the move so I can't blame that completely. I do work and i'm studying. I have lots of friends back home but I've really lagged on making friends or finding hobbies or even planning date nights, weekends away etc since we have moved because I have no idea where to start in a new city all by myself.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2016-08-19T02:39:06+00:00

You're putting the carriage before the horse. The man proves he is marriage-worthy, but you're putting a marriage ribbon on HIM. This isn't pin the tail on the donkey honey.

Working long hours and making "a lot of money" are not unilateral excuses to be a poor captain. That is red flag city.

He's going to need to demonstrate that he can balance work and personal life. Otherwise, he's telling you the life he wants, even if the reality doesn't match his words.

1Throwaway66 · 2016-08-19T04:18:52+00:00

He needs NoFap

Title	Need advice - on the verge of a breakup unless something drastic changes. I think RPW might be it and I need help
Author	abri56
Upvotes	1
Comments	21
Date	August 18, 2016 10:22 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4ybi8r/need_advice_on_the_verge_of_a_breakup_unless/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/need-advice-on-the-verge-of-a-breakup-unless.86401 https://theredarchive.com/post/86401

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