With my first post two weeks ago, I received a lot of advice that directed me to be more vulnerable with my SO. The feminine phrases I have continued using like “whatever you think” and “Thank you, I appreciate [action/gesture] so much!” were great for securing commitment in my new relationship but always kept the ball in his court. After taking the advice from RPW to heart, I've realized that vulnerability is a key component of femininity and I needed to explore it more.

I have always left it up to the guy to initiate contact between dates which has helped me in the vetting process before. My SO has been very consistent with reaching out to me daily since we began seeing each other, but also mentioned it was “different” that I never reciprocated. In swallowing my pride and reaching out, I’ve realized that it can be feminine to send a cute message to let him know I’m thinking about him. Due to our opposite work schedules, it has also been up to me to pick up the phone to call him when I get off work/before he goes to bed. This made so much more sense than him trying to guess what time I’d be home and available to chat. I see now that at this phase, it matters much less who calls who because what is said is much more important.

My SO has been very clear on his feelings about me, while I have simply just agreed with whatever he’s said or added very little of my own feelings to the conversation. In becoming more vulnerable, I decided to change that. He knows that I keep a personal journal and I mentioned that it has been filling up like crazy since I’ve met him. Since he seemed intrigued, I ended up showing him a picture on my phone of an entry I wrote listing “reasons why [SO] is awesome”. He asked me to send it to him and even brought it up a few days later saying that it makes him smile every time he reads it. During a phone call one night, he was explaining why he once thought about changing his last name. I playfully told him that I like his last name and wouldn’t want it to change, as I already came up with a perfect wedding hashtag (a pun using his last name, which is also a noun). I was nervous that it came off too strong but then he confessed that he was making a career decision based on the fact that he did not want to relocate/be away from me, so he was not scared off in the least.

As a RPW newbie, I know I have a long way to go but I can already see how being more vulnerable has made a huge impact in my relationship. Though I’m still working on it and other basics like being non-confrontational and letting him make the decisions, I am already looking into the next area of improvement. Being with a man who has a demanding and physical job means I must be a soft space to land. If there’s any suggestions that can be applied to newer relationships for couples who don’t live together, I’m all ears!

tl;dr showed SO more of my feelings and he continues to do the same! Next step, being more of a soft space.