I was really hesitant to write about it here. But I do it regardless.

I had an easy birth without interference. We left hospital the same day.

At home MIL awaited us and plucked my LO from my arm. She shooed me away to rest. I did. After I napped LO reeked like her perfume and I began to cry after telling MIL to take a shower. DH took LO and told me to compose myself and apologize to his mother. I took LO to our guest room and tried to nurse him. It went great at the hospital but now it burned and my breast was very tender. Two hours later our midwife came for a checkup and tried to get my inflamed breasts under control. SIL offered to nurse LO herself. WTF? DH was completely on board, and gave LO to his sister. I called the police.

3 weeks later an awkward sense of normalcy returned. But I felt like LO was not truly my own. I felt like a nanny, or aunt to LO. I cried often. LO is a needy baby that slept never more then 2 hours straight and I was sleep deprived. DH had initially planned to ask for time off (paid leave, full job safety granted by state but it needs to be announced some months in advance) but never followed through so I was alone. One day the Midwife made me take the test for PPD. I scored very high. DH called his mother and told her. The midwife set up a plan to combat PPD and left. (Counseling, a Family Helper, and MC to keep the marriage strong)

I am doing good now. But MIL induces anxiety and my respect for DH is waning and waxing depending on his willingness to set boundaries with his overbearing family. I have set Friday as a day where I pamper myself and consciously allow myself to be a slightly less loving, and caring wife. I might go to the Thermal Bath, watch a movie, attend a women's retreat or just cook my favorite meals. Baby wearing allows me to keep LO closer to me and less exposed to grabby hands. Something I still struggle with.

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