Red Flags?!

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-04-15T15:10:29+00:00

Hi RPW, please remember when responding to this post that you need to give advice to stay before you give advice to go. Ask questions, have conversation, explain men and give strategies beyond "run". The OP is engaged with a kid so "Run" is what you do when all other avenues have been exhausted.

maevenbelle · 2021-04-15T20:14:43+00:00

You absolutely must speak up and set some boundaries. This is inappropriate behavior that will wreck your relationship. That you are not comfortable with it is enough. Make it very, very clear. Just because you are Redpill doesn't mean you're a doormat. Explain that this makes you uncomfortable, that it is not okay, and that you feel it is disrespectful to you as his woman for him to engage with other women in this manner. If he's a real person, is invested in you, and wants to make this work, he will modify his behavior so that you do not feel this way. If he does not modify his behavior, and continues to engage inappropriately with other women, then you have some serious thinking to do.

By all means though, do not minimize what he is doing. It's not okay.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2021-04-15T19:23:14+00:00

I mean.... he’s not even secretive about it. It seems like he’s actively planning to cheat on you, he just hasn’t found someone who is willing to do it yet.

A child and an engagement is a tough work around. I would suggest trying to set some boundaries on what you do or do not think is ok. Explain that you believe these things are just a stepping stone to full on cheating and would like to protect your relationship be requesting he stops.

Good luck.

blufairy1916 · 2021-04-15T20:25:42+00:00

Most men look at other women magazines, movies, etc and I would even call it normal behavior. However, communicating with these women is a different situation. He has done it in the past relationships. Why does do it? Have you let him know where you draw the line? What you consider to disrespectful and hurtful. I know it's hard for you to be vocal but saying what you want, need and expect out loud could help. If you cant do it in private you may try bringing it up in counseling.

audacious_wirble · 2021-04-15T20:47:32+00:00

I am a dude, and would tell you first hand that if you do not set boundaries, it won't end well, regardless of what he does.

This is insanely disrespectful to you, and he should not be in communication like that at all. It is essentially a gateway to cheating. Innocently fishing, until one bites.

On the flip side, how is your relationship with him? Do you fuck a lot? Does he have his reason for doing this? Being bored does not count. Does he desire to be polyamorous? This isnt wrong... however it needs to be discussed and approved by both parties beforehand.

I hope he is able to have a serious discussion about this with you, and you two can come to a mutual, comfortable decision. Telling you that your feelings on the matter are irrational is a red flag, not to be taken lightly.

To give you a perspective... my gf and I of about 2 years have sex 8 to 10 times a week. This does not include blow jobs inbetween. Now... she cannot make me cum from blow jobs unless I am looking at porn. We are in agreement that I can look at whatever I want... as long as it isn't anyone we know, and I am not to communicate with these people... at all. This is perfectly reasonable to me, and I appreciate her willingness to allow me to look at porn while doing it in the first place.

Side note... the fact that he took a girl who thinks he was cute for coffee to boost his ego is fucking pathetic.

No_Middle3747 · 2021-04-16T17:13:28+00:00

These behaviors are concerning, and you should bring them up in your couples counseling sessions. Either he doesn’t realize his behaviors are seriously undermining his relationship or he doesn’t care. In either event, it’s immature.

The problem is that he wants the best of both worlds (1) the perks of being in a relationship and (2) the visual and exciting stimulation of interacting with someone new. He needs to pick one, and he’ll only pick one if you establish clear boundaries on what behavior is and isn’t acceptable. He’d also need to understand that this could result in you leaving altogether. Word of warning though: he may say he’s doing what you want, while not actually following along, because he wants to avoid the confrontation with you or string you along while playing the game. You’d have to explore ways of keeping him accountable that he can agree on.

If, with time and serious conversations, his behaviors don’t change, it’s time you consider leaving him. I wouldn’t marry him until you can be certain that he has changed. Plus, staying in a ltr with him may cause damage to your child who is looking at an unhealthy dynamic between his/her parents. IMO a kid is not a reason couples should stay together. (Speaking as a child of a messed up marriage who’s parents should have divorced but stayed together for the kids.) Doing so creates a lot of extra baggage for a child that need not be there.

Also, while this is going on I would recommend staying disciplined in keeping your SMV up. Workout, eat well, learn useful skills, etc. to maximize your potential should you re-enter the dating pool.

6har73y · 2021-04-15T16:40:14+00:00

If you didn’t have a child with him i would dump him, he sounds quite immature in my opinion. But as you do have a child and it’s for the best that the child grows up in a secure environment with both parents, I would probably recommend you continue to work through it in couples therapy. I’m probably not the best for giving advice as I’ve got no experience, but those are by no doubt red flags, he is over stepping his boundaries. Perhaps you two can work together to help establish what certain boundaries are and are not okay to cross. Hope everything works out!

blufairy1916 · 2021-04-15T16:35:39+00:00

Do these other women have something in common? Hair color? Eye color? Maybe a certain look? Men are very visual maybe there is something you can do to get him to start looking your way. You mentioned the ego boost In your first example. In my experince men also love praise is that something you practice? Please forgive my formatting lol and spelling I am typing really fast.

Title	Red Flags?!
Author	C_Marie1983
Upvotes	17
Comments	19
Date	April 15, 2021 2:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/mrfgj2/red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/red-flags.778018 https://theredarchive.com/post/778018

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