Because there seem to be a lot of new ladies here on RPW, I'd highly suggest reading "The Definitive Guide to Shit Tests" to understand shit-testing better. All women shit-test their men to make sure they have an Alpha. But I posit that shit-testing isn't always directed at male significant others. Generally, women shit-test people they look up to and/or have alpha qualities. I'll illustrate this with an example when I my sister (25) shit-tested me (27).

 

Background

This past April, I was invited to a cruise ship wedding during the last week of December, which meant unfortunately that I'd be traveling on Christmas Day. The bride and groom were loathe to impose on what is traditionally family time (relevant, I promise), but because timing is a witch, that was the only time they could both take off from work for the wedding/honeymoon. My boyfriend and I are very close to the couple, so of course we accepted their invitation.

 

Fast Forward Three Months

My sister calls me out of the blue, seething and screaming that I "didn't care about our family," and "how could you do this to me?!" I was taken aback by her ferocity, especially when she said, "Your friends are selfish, inconsiderate b----es that only care about themselves!" and "I guess you're going to be a f---ing c--t like they are, maybe it's better that you didn't infect our family with your s---ty attitude!" (Gosh, was she playing "Curse Word Bingo" or something?) I was confused as to why it bothered her so much when she 1) wasn't invited to the wedding, and 2) wasn't even close to the bride and groom. She tried so hard to pretend like it didn't bother her, presumably to try to make me angry--"LOL whatever, kthxbbq~! forced giggle" "OMG it's so cute that you think I even care!"

 

We are not religious at all, so I figured that there's no reason why we had to force the 25th specifically, so long as we were all spending time together, right? Wrong. When I calmly suggested that we could all spend time together on Christmas Eve before I left, she positively exploded with anger, screaming, "We HAVE to spend time together on Christmas DAY, not Christmas EVE. It doesn't count if it's any other day!"

 

My sister was getting madder and madder because I wasn't reacting the way she wanted me to. In the past, shit-tests like these would have gotten a huge rise out of me, and would have devolved into drawn-out screaming matches. But this time? I calmly ended the call with "I'm sorry you feel that way, but these are some of my best friends and I will not tolerate such cruel and disrespectful language." * click *

 

Aftermath

After I hung up, I was fuming inside about the conversation, but it was getting late so I went to bed. When I woke up, my anger was replaced by disappointment that my own sister would talk to me this way. This isn't the first time she's behaved like this, so I brushed it off and went about my day. Sigh. I had almost completely forgotten about it by the end of the day, when I get a call from her. Oh, this ought to be good. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that the first words out of her mouth were "I am so sorry." I didn't respond at first, letting her ramble on about how rude she was, how inconsiderate she's been, etc. etc.

After a good 2-3 minutes of this, she pauses, and says "I hope you can forgive me." Frankly, I was 100% okay with her the second she called because she took the time to call. I paused for a few seconds, and I told her that I accepted her apology, and let's make sure we make plans for the 24th, okay? She burst out into tears and promised that she'd never do anything like this again.

 

Analysis

I'm her older sister, so growing up, she naturally she looked to me for leadership, guidance, and protection. But now she's living with her boyfriend, so I'm largely out of the picture unless there's a family gathering. (They grow up so fast!) I took her behavior as subtly asking, "Are you still leadership material? Can I still look up to you?"

For the past month, she's been super-sweet to me like she hadn't been in years. She was even supportive when I told her later that I wasn't planning on attending my family's 4th of July cookout because I was going out of town to visit my boyfriend. The annual 4th of July cookout is about on par with Thanksgiving and Christmas in my family, and she didn't even bat an eyelid.

 

Conclusion

RP has improved my life by teaching me how to recognize and handle shit-tests. Did I handle this one perfectly? No, but I got the results I wanted in the end. I'll be better at it for the next time. And knowing my sister, I can guarantee 2000% that there will be a next time. AWALT.

The other thing that this little episode taught me is how to recognize when I'm about to shit-test someone. Being on the other side of the table made me realize how stupid I must have sounded to my boyfriend in the past for the shit-tests I've given him. All I can really do is suppress the urge as best I can, and STFU unless it's something rather serious.

 

[EDIT: Formatting, grammar]