Staying With Him

PRECURSOR: this is not advice, this is a creative piece based off of my own experience I am currently going through. Please do not use this to justify abuse.

In the beginning of a relationship, there is a period of time where you will analyze what he is doing to see if he is a good man. Either:

A) he is continually impressing you (rare)

B) there is gray area

If you find yourself in the situation of “B),”

Some things may happen to make you question him. You’re unsure whether these things are “bad enough” to leave him or you should perhaps be more understanding and open minded.

Some examples of “red flags” to make you question:

he disrespects you, lets you down, shows lustful behavior, likes other women’s post, sends questionable text messages, holds double standards, wants or expects too much of you in an entitled or controlling way, and many others… these things happened to me in my relationship and I was always trying justify them as being reasonable or salvageable.

This is a painful place to be.

But in my case, the final bomb dropped.

He cheated.

First thoughts were that all of my observations had been correct. He sucks. He’s a bad person.

That was clarity. He’s honestly not a moral, good guy. He is someone who is selfish and hurt me.

This felt good and reassuring. To not go back and forth on whether or not he was a nice respectful man. To know he was indeed not a good person.

Once again, these are just my thoughts.

And then… the curve ball.

I didn’t care.

I didn’t care that he was a bad guy.

I didn’t care that he hurt me.

I didn’t care that he lied to me.

And lied.

and lied.

Most women with a lot of self respect and self love, probably would have left for good.

But my emotions, my heart, my feeling of passion and chemistry. My compatibility with him. None of that changed.

I understood him as weak. And of course he would lie about something that would result in him losing me. That’s why people often cheat and lie about it. They’re not ready to lose you. But they’re too immature to be able to handle their own emotions. Looking to soothe themselves, they will find release through another human. Quite literally using them.

But not wanting to lose you.

That’s how they cheat.

That’s why they lie.

Maybe I’m still in the aftershock of learning about this event in my relationship, and over time, the foundation will continue to erode. Maybe there is no way back after cheating. But the initial response, on my part, is not what I thought it to be.

I still feel like my loyalty belongs to a certain person, despite their actions.

It is my creative choice who to love and spend time with, based on how they make me feel being in their presence.

I continue to find joy in his presence.

I continue to feel only sexually turned on by him.

I continue to love him.

Once again, maybe I’m in shock.

Maybe in time, this will fade.

But his character flaws have not been enough to deter me

And you have to really know yourself.

For example, you can either quit smoking.. or realize that you don’t want to quit smoking, and hence do it more responsibly.

So ladies,

Are you still trying to figure out his character? Deciding if he is worth your value? Worth staying with?

I implore you to ask yourself, instead

Does it matter?

Be honest with yourself. Listen to your heart.

Am I ready to walk away from his love?