My fiancé (43) and I (35) recently got engaged after being together for just shy of 2 years. His mom has literally been bringing him rings to possibly give me for about a year, so needless to say, she really likes me.

We’ve started the preliminary planning and this is the second marriage for both of us, though he ultimately ended up eloping with his ex wife after their parents couldn’t agree on wedding planning and cost. I had a nice wedding my parents primarily paid for back in 2006 for approximately $10k.

For the record, I’m white and he is Chinese-American. I haven’t learned a lot of the language yet, so we converse primarily in English when I’m around, though they also speak English together or a mix of both languages. Thankfully his parents are more modern, but they are native born and moved to the US about 44 years ago. This is important only because of cultural differences in expressing affection, significance of gift giving, etc.

So last night my fiancé was speaking to his mother in Chinese and I heard some words about how our plans were coming along for the wedding. He was tired and casually said “thank you, mom and dad” and they said they loved us both and then hung up. I inquired about the conversation and he drops on me that his parents wanted to contribute some money toward our wedding. He finally tells me the amount and it’s more than I was planning to budget for ourselves!

I was aghast at how nonchalantly he’d expressed gratitude because I would be offended if I was giving someone a significant amount of money with that type of response. He admitted some of it stemmed from lingering resentments he carried from them always working when he was a child and never being around, but that he was indeed grateful. He encouraged me to call them if I wanted, so I did and thanked them and they were pleased and expressed again how happy they were he’d found me and wanted us to have a nice wedding without worrying about it.

So my struggle is that gift giving (huge in Chinese culture) is my worst love language, plus his parents are fairly well off and are trying to reduce the amount of things in their home. He and I talked last night and discussed the possibility of incorporating a Chinese Tea Ceremony into the wedding and seeing if his parents would be interested in any other Chinese traditions (apparently they didn’t have a Chinese wedding themselves and may not care). We are also planning to have some Chinese dishes offered at the reception.

In what ways would any of you recommend as the best way(s) to express genuine gratitude? I want to ensure it’s graciously accepted but that it’s not so casual as to seem like it was expected. They did not offer to do this for his first wife (who is Chinese) and made it clear it’s because they are grateful I’ve come into their lives. Thoughts?