These are some questions that come up while reading posts on the sub

pieorstrudel5 · 2023-07-03T20:31:14+00:00

The most important part of getting what you want requires a lot of front end work. I have found people struggle to see that big picture.

RPW is not about sacrificing your desires for the sake of an unworthy man. It's one thing if you are with a great man with a provider mindset, but maybe he hasn't reached career goals or maybe he is saving for the future. Your gifts might not be diamond jewelry, but maybe he gets you a candle or something. As always, it's not the gift it's the thought. A good leader might be swamped at work and comes home late exhausted. You might find yourself having to endure with some loneliness while he builds his empire, but he might drink coffee with you on Saturday mornings and catch up with you.

The man you described sounds like he was just using you when he was bored. We would never tell you to suppress your wants for a man like that. You can vet for all those things you want or don't want. You can and should have boundaries. I am not saying that you won't compromise. But you figure out along the way what is important to you.

I have written many times about vetting and boundaries. Check out my comment history. I'll try to go find some of my favorites.

Edit: I would say for you is to figure out what you want from life and figure out your boundaries and focus on learning to vet men. Then, Are you putting yourself in places to meet men? The gym, volunteer at fun festivals, trivia nights, etc.

Jenneapolis · 2023-07-03T20:35:47+00:00

So having an attitude of gratitude is NOT about just being grateful for any crumbs you are given. In the beginning of dating, you should be vetting hard. And the example where he’s not willing to travel to see you but you only have to do it, that does not require gratitude for him spending time with you but it’s a sign that he is not invested.

Gratitude is about recognizing when he does something good for you and also acknowledging that no man you date is going to be perfect in everything. Common examples I see here that people get wound up about are his texting or calling habits, gift giving, paying for dates. If you are ALREADY in a relationship with a guy you have vetted and decided he’s good for you, then there are quirks you need to accept focusing on the positives he brings into your life rather than the negatives. It is up to you to decide what is most important and it is fine to select for those qualities in a man but recognize you cannot have everything. Recognize that you also do not offer everything and are also flawed.

Examples from my current relationship: I have gratitude that he calls every night and is engaged in the conversation without fail. He always make sure to spend multiple days a week here, even when he’s very busy with work, travel or family. He thinks to bring me food. He always tries to make me laugh and is physically affectionate. I focus consciously on being grateful for these things.

Things he does that annoy me are staying out late with the guys more often than I would like, is quick to anger in situations where he feels disrespected like driving or at the store, isn’t always a good listener because he likes to talk a lot so will divert a conversation to himself sometimes when I’m talking, likes to tease me a little bit arguing about politics and other things we disagree on. Because I have gratitude for all of the great things he does, I accept that he’s not perfect in these other areas and recognize that another man who does not have his flaws will also likely not have his same strengths.

This is how I look at gratitude. I would encourage you to read more about it in the empowered wife book.

morbidityofanother · 2023-07-03T23:48:38+00:00

This is why we vet. If a man does not respond to positive reinforcement, laying on negative reinforcement isn't going to solve anything, it's just going to create resentment. If you're not getting what you need with that method, you shouldn't be with him. What each woman needs will be different than another. Personally, I'm willing to live without presents and Valentine's Day because I don't need those things from my husband. However, I do need him to fix things around the house, to be in shape, and work a job that provides me with a life in which I can buy myself almost anything I want. Maybe you don't need those things. Date accordingly. These methods help you determine whether or not the man you're with is the right one for you, not to tell you to settle for less.

bocky2fresh · 2023-07-03T19:35:19+00:00

Also thank you to anyone who commented on my last post, sorry I didn’t to say thank you to everyone there but there was a lot of good advice which is exactly why im back so thank you for all your help!!

And more about my femininity, I’ve always heard from men that I’ve been with how nice it feels when i like hold (so having their head in my lap or giving them light scalp massages, etc) and they also seem to enjoy hugging me and I’ve always heard that a feminine woman is soft and pleasant to be around, i just think when theres a disagreement or conflict their opinion flips. Hope this is useful info!

AutoModerator · 2023-07-03T19:30:44+00:00

Title: These are some questions that come up while reading posts on the sub

Full text: I read a post i think titled “the art of getting what you want without demanding them” and the second and third tip of developing an attitude of gratitude are confusing to me. because i would be upset if my partner never got me a gift for Valentine’s Day, my birthday or Christmas, yet to have an attitude of gratitude i cant be. Also i should be grateful for them spending time with me, but this reminds of a situation i was in recently where i felt that the guy didnt really do much (especially for all the things that he was demanding me to do). Since i would drive 30 minutes to his place and back, we never went on dates, and he would refuse to come see me. So should i have just been happy that i spent time with him and maybe even dont the things he was asking for because we spent time together? Maybe i dont understand cause I’ve never been in a relationship so I’ve never received random gifts from my SO. i would want my man (whoever that ends up being) to get me gifts because they want to and not because they have to but if the most they do is spend time with me, then im not sure how i would feel about that and might question their feelings for me.

This is actually pretaining to a recent post about being an “untouchable girl”. And although i don’t necessarily consider myself so attractive that im intimidating to men, i dont think im unattractive and yet i never get approached by men (probably not never but not as often as i see happen for my friends). Im fit so i dont have an issue with weight, i wear natural makeup, and i know what hairstyles suit me. I get compliments on the way i look often as well. Yet, the replies to this post all say that if a man finds a woman attractive then they will approach them. And i agree, when people try to advise me to approach men to solve this problem, i always say no since in believe that if a man was truly interested then he would approach me (as I’ve seen happen to others). Im not sure if im overestimating my attractiveness (if someone could help me figure that out that would be great but i dont feel comfortable linking an socials for everyone and anyone to see on here), or if im just unapproachable which I’ve had people tell me might be the problem. And if thats the case then how do i become more approachable?

Also im considering going into nun mode but not really sure what to focus on or how to really identify what i need to improve on. Again, if im not overestimating my attractiveness then im not really concerned about that but here are a few things im considering: - being more feminine. I hear things that are considered feminine in both looks and character but i feel so masculine when handling conflict especially with potential partners. I dont feel like im not feminine but i dont feel feminine enough. - Building self esteem. I made another post about me not having a backbone with it comes to expressing boundaries and i think i need to trust my own judgment better and not feel so responsible for others actions and how they treat me when they treat me badly. - Vetting. There are posts that i hav yet read on here so im gonna look at those first.

TLDR: how am i supposed to have standards for how i want to be cared for and treated so that i can feel comfortable, safe, and loved/cared for while also not putting to much pressure on a man?

How do i evaluate my attractiveness? Or what may be the reason men aren’t approaching me as often as i feel they do other women even though i dont feel less attractive than them? If its me being unapproachable then how do i fix that?

Any resources on becoming more feminine and building self esteem. And how am i supposed to identify what i need to improve during nun mode? Also how to evaluate my femininity?

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Title	These are some questions that come up while reading posts on the sub
Author	bocky2fresh
Upvotes	2
Comments	5
Date	July 3, 2023 7:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14pseqw/these_are_some_questions_that_come_up_while/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/these-are-some-questions-that-come-up-while.1224133 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224133

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