What were his initial intentions with me? Help!

pearlsandstilettos · 2026-08-04T16:36:50+00:00

Thread is locked because OP deleted the post.

chamomilecloud · 2026-08-04T14:13:34+00:00

If you are dating in a western country/culture, men do not buy gifts before a first date. It comes off like gold digging activities if you ask for it.

Like 99% of western man will respond this way.

What is your cultural background and where do you live currently?

yourworkmom · 2026-08-04T15:54:43+00:00

If you are in the US, and interested in an American man, I find this behavior as wildly bizarre to be polite.

It screams gold digger. As an aspiring doctor,the is probably struggling to find women who like him fir who he is rather than just for his eaning potential.

You did him a huge favor by screening yourself out.

sine120 · 2026-08-04T14:09:52+00:00

His initial intentions are up to anyone's guess, but if there's a cultural difference here where he's the typical western guy, you would've come off looking like you're using him for money. Him buying you dinner is typically the accepted entry price for a date, if you're interested in him and not exclusively his money.

Doctors in residency have tons of debt and not much income, so swinging out of the gate with "buy me gifts" could very well look like a girl seeing "doctor" and trying to use him for money, which I'd guess is not his first time.

AutoModerator · 2026-08-04T13:59:58+00:00

Title: What were his initial intentions with me? Help!

Author Zeynepiq

Full text: What were his initial intentions with me ? HELP

So I have been talking to this resident doctor (planning to be a gp so last year residency ) I asked for a perfume before the first date (after hinting before that gifts are common in my culture etc he actually agreed to the gift and saying “sure which type? “
And a I said something sweet as I was gonna type the brand he was like I don’t think I’m the right man for you(name).

When I asked why what happened he replied with “I don’t give to girls that demend “I said don’t come empty handed “and he said “what would you think of me if I came empty handed”and when I replied “I will be confused “he was like “I find it quite disrespectful that you demand “went back and forth until he left a long chunky message explaining himself with me for a while etc.

He also actually agreed before that paying for nice dinner was a must for a man 100% pay.

question: What were his initial intentions when he saw me ?

Did he see me as a placeholder or somebody that he just couldn’t afford ?

I know I was very blunt in the way I asked ??

REALLY WOULD LIKE ADVICE!!!!!!

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PerryCox-MD · 2026-08-04T16:33:30+00:00

His initial intentions were to get to know you as a person, possibly as a future partner, and the impression you gave off was of a demanding partner who would ask for more than they’d be willing to give, aka a transactional relationship, so he bailed.

You’re Arab aren’t you? Look, gifts are part of courtship, not dating. My now husband didn’t bring me gifts till he was actually courting me for marriage. I never expected them from him anyway, and even then it was small stuff like chocolates or little trinkets and it was stuff he got me because it made him think of me and because he wanted to - not because I asked them of him. I thought he was very thoughtful and generous. I’m 3rd gen and he’s 1st gen Egyptian.

The thing is, you’re asking for someone who doesn’t know you and doesn’t know if you’re worth investing in to invest in you from the get go, and only a desperate man or a simp (so not someone you’d want as a spouse anyway) would go with this. It’s not about being Western or not Western. It’s that you’re literally demanding a man who doesn’t know you invest in you for you to keep giving him your time. And it’s best that you don’t bluntly state what you expect of him without being asked, especially on a first date! Go along with things and observe his behavior, the same as he’s doing to you. Order something you can afford, and be prepared to pay - don’t come empty handed, but if you’re dating a fellow Arab don’t be surprised when he refuses to let you split because that’s part of the culture.

You’re only 19, so you have lots to learn. But in the future, going about things this way won’t get you anywhere. Even when you’re married there are ways to ask your husband for things without coming across as demanding, but that bridge can be crossed later.

Title	What were his initial intentions with me? Help!
Author	Zeynepiq
Upvotes	0
Comments	39
Date	August 4, 2026 1:59 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1vfb6a0/what_were_his_initial_intentions_with_me_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-were-his-initial-intentions-with-me-help.1631902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1631902

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