I am a really ambitious person and my heart races with excitement in terms of anything to do with self improvement. But currently my attempts feel almost futile due to my disability. I know it seems like I can speak clearly and confidently through my writing/typing but in reality, the actual act of speaking with people is very awkward for me and the other person. I have very odd and weird mannerisms and I cannot maintain friendships or even form them properly. When I am unmasking and "being myself" it is seen as childish and offputting. And when I try and put immense efforts in speaking and acting like how everyone else does in the NT world, it is also extremely off putting and "odd" according to people as my replicatino of their behaviour is not completely accurate. Dating right now is completely out of the question: I first have to get the basics done right in basic social communication. Most communication is non verbal and based on body language, eye contact, etc. I CANT do this. I have practiced immensely but I just cant do this. I cant even hold down a job right now as I keep getting bullied and ostracised by my coworkers and masking at work causes huge burnout in me. I am studying in university however. I cant make friends properly from university or work or anywhere else which is a huge issue because friendship circles is the best way for warm approaching and getting exposed to potential women.

Cold approaching is another story. I have cold approached approximately around 150 women since I started last year at university, bars, in the mall, etc. (I kept count and made reports of waht I did wrong and stuff lol). I was rejected every single time. I have tried every single strategy. E.g. immediately saying a pick up line, talking and buliding a rapport first and then going in for setting up the date, making friends. with them first, getting their social contact and then starting to flirt with messages, etc. None of these strategies works. I will explain in the next paragraph.

I feel like one of the main reasons why my self improvement isnt working for me is that, despite being fit and in shape, I am still balding, ethnic (indian in a white majority country) and short (5 foot 5 height and people have said that my hair looks like pubes -> although it is better than being fully bald as people have laughed so hard at me when I went fully bald). And this combination of not being physically appealing and also not being socially appealing due to the autism creates a very negative profile of me in the social and dating marketplace.

I know I wont be giving up on this journey. But I would really like to hear any success stories from fellow autistics on this sub who are in similar situation to be in terms of not being able to become physically attractive enough despite looksmaxxing fully. Most of my autistic male acqaintances who I have talked to online and met in real life all have girlfriends but they were already tall, white and conventionally attractive and they were allowed to learn the social mannerisms from a young age unlike myself who has to start now due to the immense bullying and ostracisation I had experienced in my childhood.