Commitment and consistency against men

Men (and people in general) like to maintain consistency in their lives for three reasons:

• It saves time and energy. The most difficult thing to do is to think.
• It is respectable to remain consistent in life.
• It is an easy and sustainable way to navigate through life.

It can be said that men have a higher proclivity to remain consistent since men prefer to remain orderly. Women are more likely to chase excitement. The common dating advice, “you can do anything to a woman but bore her” is the proof of that. On top of it, most cultures all over the world represent men as order and women as chaos. The best example is the “yin and yang” which shows how both order and chaos are representatives of the masculine and the feminine respectively.

In this essay, I have attempted to explain how men’s tendency to remain orderly in their lives is exploited (knowingly or unknowingly) by women and society, in general, to get what they want, even if it means sacrificing the man physically and mentally.

We make a decision, a commitment, and remain consistent with it. But what makes us behave consistently towards a commitment (a decision)? We make a lot of decisions, but not a lot of them evolve to become commitments towards which we are consistent. What makes us commit to a decision consistently?

To understand it in detail, here is a small story of American POWs in communist China during the Korean war (1950-53).

The essay competitions in China

When American soldiers who were imprisoned in China’s concentration camps returned to their motherland after the war was over, the military officers discovered that their opinions about democracy and communism were very different than what they used to be. Psychologists and researchers dug deep to find out what has transpired during their time in the Chinese prisons.

They found out that in those prisons, the guards (and the administration) held essay competitions where American soldiers had to write praises about the Communist Party of China and/or mock the democratic form of governance in some form way. Of course, most American soldiers resisted, but the fact is they didn’t have to write a lot (in terms of depth) to flatter the administrators to “win” the essay competitions. All they had to do was write things along the lines of “the democratic system is not perfect” and “although Communism appears to have a lot of problems, it does work for the people of China” and so on.

The prize for the winners was nothing extraordinary. It was a pack of cigarettes or a couple of extra hours of yard time. The purpose of it was to ensure that the imprisoned soldiers write the things they write because they believe in them, not because they are motivated by external incentives.

In the subsequent essay competitions, the little truths were elaborated on which the American imprisoned soldiers went the distance and critiqued the American government deeply while citing the great developmental activities completed by the communists for the people of China.

After listening to what has happened in the camps, the researchers and psychologists have found out the parameters that make men behave consistently towards a commitment.

What the psychologists concluded

There are three things that make us commit to an earlier decision in a consistent way:

1. Effort: The decision (the first instance of the activity) should be effortful. In the above example, writing an essay. Although it is not physically demanding, writing requires a lot of mental effort.
2. Internally motivated: The prizes offered were mundane. No one in their right mind would betray their hierarchy of values for a pack of cigarettes. It is impossible to make someone naturally comply with something by the application of external force. It has to be internally motivated. In the above example, no one forced those soldiers to write those things, they consciously did it themselves. (Obviously, the Chinese put some form of indirect pressure, but in the minds of imprisoned soldiers, it was internally motivated.)
3. Public: The prizes were awarded publicly within the premises of the prison where the winner had to read out their essay. This reinforces the image that they have forged in the eyes of the public. As I mentioned at the beginning, it is respectable to act consistently and even though they were not in prison anymore, they continued to.

Now, you must be getting the idea of how the above tools have been used by the gynocentric society (and the protectors of it) against men.

Commitment and consistency against men

If you look at the “courting rules” in modern society through the lens of the lesson derived from the story above, it will become evident how women (and society) extract commitment and consistency from men by making the initial and subsequent instances of the courting activity effortful, internally motivated, and public.

Let’s take a look at them one by one. (More examples are welcome.)

Effortful - bending over backward

Even though the public perception is that “women make the biggest sacrifices”, it is seldom true during the dating phase. The man is expected to dress well, pick up the girl, get to the restaurant early in case the girl is directly coming there, etc. The list is practically endless. Albeit it is true that women like men who are confident and lead well, the material expectation is huge.

Buying her flowers, taking her to a nice restaurant, paying the bill, etc., are all effortful activities that a man is doing. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you shouldn’t do it or cease being a gentleman. I am stating that making the initial instance effortful is part of the reason men are more likely to chase women. It is employed by women and society in general to secure a commitment from the man.

That is the reason why even in the days of absolute feminism, where women take pride in paying their bills (which they should be doing anyways), men are still expected to put in the extra effort such as picking her up, courting her, etc. It seldom ends and the degree of effort continually increases as more is demanded from the man in the subsequent stages of a relationship, both emotionally, physically, and materially.

Internally motivated - there is no prize

When you take a girl on a date, you should not expect sex. That is what millions of men are being taught on the regular by the protectors of the gynocentric social order. Even if you are married to the woman, you should not pester her to have sex for a myriad of reasons. The conclusion is you are a horndog and should learn to control yourself.

This leaves one message deep in your subconscious. The only reason you are sacrificing your time with the boys or sleeping in on a Sunday or having your favorite music on the speakers is that you want to. Even though the possibility of the prize could be zero, you are still doing it. More importantly, you are brainwashed to think that you are not doing it for the sex, you are doing it because she is a special person and you like her.

Society reinforces this by removing accountability for women and forcing men (directly and indirectly) to not have any expectations from a woman, especially those of sexual nature just because she got a free meal out of him.

Public - post it on the ‘gram

Holding hands in public, going shopping together, revealing to friends and family that you are dating, etc., are all examples of activities that are public-facing. These activities solidify the commitment and rarely fails to secure consistent behavior from the man. The fundamental here is the image of the man is integrated with the woman he is with and hence he will be interpreted as “incomplete and incoherent” if he is without her or behaves in a way that could piss his partner off.

Events such as proposing a woman tick all the boxes above. It is effortful as a man needs to plan the proposal, save money for the ring and the wedding, etc. It is internally motivated that you should not just expect “yes” from a woman and you are proposing because you love her and she is an amazing person. It is public for obvious reasons.

Note: There are two more motivators that act as catalysts that coerce men to do things that make them more prone to commit to women. Those two things are shame and praise. The gynocentric society has created a definition of “a good man” and men who fall within that are praised and the rogue ones are shamed. Keep in mind that the definition of “a good man” doesn’t even consider the needs of the man, rather it thrives on their sacrifice. Once they make a man accept that he is “a good man”, they force him to act consistently to maintain that image.

This subreddit has done a great job in writing in-depth guides related to that so I will stop talking about that here.

Defense against commitment and consistency

As we live in a society where speaking the truth will make you an object of laughter and sneer, it will be difficult not to do anything that could extract commitment out of you towards a woman and make you behave consistently towards her.

However, the solution to the above challenge is already described in various articles in this subreddit. Here are some bullets, feel free to elaborate or provide more tips.

1. Even if you make an effort that is internally motivated and is public-facing, always be ready to walk away and label it as a “bad investment”. You will make mistakes, the worst thing is to hold on to them. Do not water a dead plant.
2. Look at what they are doing. If the investment by the woman is not at least equivalent, if not more, it is more likely that they are not as attached as you. Beware of intangible investments such as, “I think about you all the time” that women use during arguments. They cannot be proven or refuted. They are to be ignored.
3. Restrict your efforts. Be a gentleman, but if a woman is flaky, pull back to the max. There is also no need to take huge leaps in the early stage of a relationship no matter how special you think she is. Women pester for commitment after some time, but that is societal pressure at work. See point 2 and commit only if she is also as invested.

(Keep in mind that the above points are to be used against the compliant tactics discussed in this essay. Other RP points like, “focus on yourself” and “test her character” are useful too, but they are too general in the context of this essay.)

For more details, please read Influence by Dr. Robert Cialdini. (The story of American soldiers is from Chapter 2 of that book. I extrapolated the lessons from it and applied it in the context of dating in the modern age.)

Again, do share examples from your real life if you think it fits the context of this essay and will help others learn about the gynocentric social order.

Thanks for reading.