This will be interesting for you guys I hope. I realise this may have gone in asktrp but I want more attention on this since I need this issue resolved. Badly.

I am of Middle Eastern origin. Turkish to be precise. A Turkish household places a lot of emphasis on respecting parents. We came to the UK in 2003 and my dad had an affair in 2006 which lead to some crazy divorce process. My mum never took a single penny from my dad. She refused. The concept of honour is extremely strong in her generation.

We fought and we struggled to survive here. Slowly however my mum started to degenerate. I kept a diary when I was younger and the first recorded incidents start in 2007.

She constantly hurls abuse at me, whether it is calling me an idiot or a retard, to more heavy shit like wishing I didn't exist or that I would die. Asking God why I existed. Stuff like that.

Thanks to her treating me this way, I for many years searched for the love I never had from girls I knew. To this day I have yet to kiss a girl.

Then I discovered trp. Something clicked. I changed. And she hated it even more, calling me inhuman and devoid of emotion. I tried implementing LTR game with little success. Whatever I say she says it is disrespectful and that I have no honour.

What she says I don't notice anymore. Her insults do not hurt the way they used to. However she is smothering me. I have never been allowed to go out, socialise, play, get hurt, all the things any child let alone a male child should do. It has always been study study study.

Now I have a party on Saturday which I am going to and she says if I am not back by 11.30pm that I should not come home. This is a catch 22. I cannot win either way.

My dad is rarely seen and is less than alpha. His go to girl advice is 'rape them if they say no' followed by hearty laughter. My family are in turkey. I am the product of east meets west. A hybrid bluepill would have been my future had I not found trp.

Thanks to many oneitises and my mother treating me the way she does, I have started to develop a lack of empathy. I do not care about others. Obviously I care to an extent but if they were to die in front of me I would not bat an eyelid. Same goes for my mother. I don't even know if I love her or if she loves me. I have little pleasures in life. I go to the gym but she laughs at my efforts.

She never respects what I have to say or the fact I have views on subjects. She knows I am smarter and more educated than her but because she is so much more older than me, she just somehow knows best. She never listens to anything I say.

Before you say I talk shit about not feeling anything due to my post history, you may be right. I am just predicting my direction.

I do not want sympathy. Nor will I find it here of all places. I want advice. How the fuck do I deal with her shit? It's getting to the point where I punch the fuck out of her in my head sometimes and I fear I may lose control and do something irreverisble. Leaving her is out of the question for a good few years. Also if you're interested I can provide more info on my background and why I am the way I am.

Thanks in advance. If the mods could ask the red pill flare this I would really appreciate it as I am using mobile.