I've been puppy-dog in love (Beta-orbiting?) with this girl since I met her in 9th grade. Long story short it never worked out, no matter how much I wanted it to happen. She did however give me the dreaded, "if we turn 30 we are marrying each other," line.

Neither of us stayed close with many people from highschool, but we have always stayed close to one another. After years of missing the opportunity, I finally nutted up and told her how I have felt. (This was preceded by texts from her saying "sure feels close to thirty" and "throwawayromanc, I'm lonely lonely girl now that my friends have moved away, If you want to make me feel better about myself you can ask me to do things with you, or for you" which I didn't see how I could misconstrue as anything but greenlights)

So after a lovely dinner I took her back to my place and told her how I felt and kissed her. After a couple of minutes of kissing she starts crying and gives me the good ole "I just don't want to lose you as a friend or get hurt by you or hurt you" yada yada yada thing. I tell her the truth, which is that hurting her is the last thing that I would ever want to do. She says we should take it slow and not label it. Whatever

So we go back to her place (we both live with parents, hers were away) and start to get hot and heavy on her bed. She is considerably drunker than myself, and straight up begs for the dick. While we are making out she moans "I'm a slut." I find this disconcerting and leave.

The next day I'm back to arms length away, and the hypergamy recommences. Found TheRedpill, found Becomeaman, am currently working on swallowing the pill and growing a pair.

Realize this is textbook oneitis.

It took being in the bed with her to realize she was just doing it to keep me in orbit.

Sorry if this post doesn't fit sub standards.

Shit, Today I realized I don't fit man standards.

I might not get there tomorrow. But I won't be wear I was yesterday.

Advice and encouragement welcome.

tl;dr: Hello brothers, I just woke up