Killing Your Inner Beta

Even if you never become Alpha, you can still stop being Beta.

The become more alpha the typical advice here is to improve your:

  • looks / fitness
  • money / job
  • fame / status / power
  • social skills / game / seduction

But even if you never achieve high levels of the classic Alpha attributes, you can still become less Beta by learning to:

  • stand up for yourself
  • stop being a follower
  • stop being overly polite
  • stop compromising your values
  • stop giving more than you receive in relationships
  • stop looking for approval and validation
  • stop looking to others to make you happy
  • stop letting people walk all over you
  • start being honest with yourself
  • start being with others
  • start doing what you want to do
  • start be who you want to be
  • be willing to be alone
  • be willing to go without sex

The interesting thing is that you can actualize many (if not all) of these "de-betaification" directives without completely actualizing the "alphafication" directives from the topmost list.

A guy who implements all of the non-Beta directives is still not necessarily an Alpha. He may lack high levels of aesthetics, wealth, status, power or social skills. Or, more simply put, he may not getting laid.

But, he's not really a Beta though is he? He does not have the Beta attitude, mindset or behavior. He is not a pushover or a NiceGuy™. He may not be especially attractive to women, but he would definitely not be repulsive to women, and probably he would just be nothing to them.

I've heard various labels for this kind of guy, but I've never found one that was convincingly complete / accurate / useful.

All beta behaviors have the same underlying cause: they are strategies for avoiding emotional pain.

The pain of being disliked, the pain of being rejected, the pain of being alone, the pain of getting no sex, the pain of not being liked or wanted or needed or loved.

For example:

• You don't want to be alone so you stay in a relationship with your sweetheart who mistreats you, disrespects you and/or takes advantage of you.

• You don't want to be alone so you attempt to "buy" a girl's interest with gifts and compliments and favors.

• You don't want to be shamed / rejected so you tell people what you think they want to hear, or what will keep you out of trouble — instead of being honest (or interesting).

• You don't want to be rejected / embarrassed so you hide your interest / desire and wait for signals or permission to communicate your intention or make a move.

The desire to avoid emotional pain generates the fundamental neediness that underlies all Beta behavior. If you eliminate that neediness by being willing to endure emotional pain and not look to others to save you from it, then you will have killed your inner Beta, even if you have not yet unleashed your inner Alpha.