Introduction

I thought that it would be interesting to see the parallels in dealing with a stalker with the theory I’m beginning to learn in the world of RP. Anyone who has had a stalker would probably agree that it is quite a stressful experience at times, especially when you are not armed with any RP knowledge. Stalkers try to get into the very fabric of your psyche and they are aided and abetted by you. Stalkers don’t’ become crazy bitches over night, they’re like that anyway, but I firmly believe it’s your behaviour that lights the blue touch paper and how you deal with it will results in how bad it gets. Suffice to say in my BP days, I dealt with this the wrong way and made it very much worse. I’ve come up with a few areas from RP knowledge that align someway to explaining the behaviour of a stalker and steps that I wished I had taken at the time.

Don’t lower your sights

Yep. The classic. I did it. I shitted on my own doorstep due to boredom. I was bored at work and saw what I thought was an easy way of getting my end away. I’m a HB8, she’s a HB5 at best. Call it Stockholm syndrome, call it anything you want. The boredom set in at work so I decided to lavish some attention on a lower SMV woman…way lower. Now I can clearly see the HB levels are there for a reason. The danger of going in lower is something I had not really thought about in too much detail. The problem with going lower SMV is that the women there are not used to it. You are giving them a taste of something they would never, in million years, experience. This new-found attention from someone out of the league is addictive and leads to rash decisions (see below). Guys – bat in your own league or above, because they have the experience to deal with it. Those that are way lower are like autistic children. Give them a taste of the high life and they’ll grasp it with both hands and won’t let go.

Be a decision maker

To compound the above, I was a drunk captain with this girl. I was spinning plates, with one pushing towards LTR, so I was keen to keep the whole thing on the down low (important later on). This drunk captain flip-flopped and didn’t make clear decisions or act in a decisive manner due to the fear of getting caught out. Abundance was not on the table for me at the moment, and it showed. I was terrified of it getting out in the public domain, so made shitty decision after shitty decision. I pushed and pulled, was hot and cold so often it must have put her in a fucking spin. This made me look like the AFC I was. I was a monkey with a machine gun. She didn’t know where she stood because I didn’t let her know, for fear of losing the chase. She had a boyfriend at the time, but I had implanted a seed of doubt, and my reckless decision making and flip-flopping made her confused, frustrated and most of all angry. The all came to a head, as it usually does, with me backing out from the plate. Whoa boy, did that make her angry…and like I said I was terrified of it getting out to other plates, work and her boyfriend too.

She was now fucking a dude with higher SMV and she didn’t want to let go. The guy was completely giving her hot and cold signals which made her confused, forcing her to make covert contracts in her head that impacted on her life. When I dropped her as a plate, she hit the roof. To top it off, once I’d dropped her, I compounded issues by going back one more time. Jeez, what a retard right? She could see that I was really a thirsty beta that didn’t know what to do. That is when I fell into her frame.

Entering her frame

Then began the excessive contact. Texts, I mean 50 over a 12 hour period. My phone literally exploded every night. She told her boyfriend, he started texting me too. At this point I should applied radio silence, but I just wanted to fix this problem. I started apologising saying that it was “just a bit of fun” etc. Every time I apologised, I entered her frame, and she grew stronger the more I operated within her framework. I just wanted to have done with it, but I still had work, friends and that possible LTR to deal with. She got my university email address, said things like “it’s never over”, and actually quit working at our store (one less thing to worry about) but met me outside on numerous occasions on the way home. Excessive and unwanted contact over a 9 month period, constantly threatening to blow the lid off the whole deal.

If I can say one thing about this whole experience, is regardless of how you feel, DO NOT let a stalker know it’s getting to you. They feed off the misery and power. Radio silence here is of utmost importance. If they know you’re afraid of it getting out, it’s even worse. If I played this hand again, I would have just said “do it”. “Tell everyone, I don’t give a fuck”. Believe me, it’d have probably worked a charm and she wouldn’t have done it anyway.

The victim

Now you’re the victim now, but really nobody cares. You’re a man right? A women chasing you and texting you 50 times a day with threats is just something to shrug off right? Well, it’s a little draining to say the least. But, she’s the real victim in this and of course women love the drama. We all know that they feed off drama and emotion and will do anything to perpetuate this. To keep me in her frame was power, to keep the whole shit storm going was to hold onto the power for longer. You can see the parallels to the emotional manipulation that happens on social media between women. She’s the victim, and being a victim gives the woman a label, badge if you will, to ensure she is different from the others. It’s completely in her interests to perpetuate this as this will ensure she is treated differently for longer and gives her a sense of purpose. She has a target for all the issues she’s had in the past to project onto.

In the end, I blew the lid off myself. Told people who were close to me, told the boss at work etc. Most people were completely surprised I had kept this to myself for so long. It was as if the power had been immediately taken back. If I DNGAF, I could have saved myself this issue from the get-go. Trouble is, I didn’t have abundance so I wanted my cake and to eat it. Instead of burning everything to the ground, I tried to juggle with fire. Worst of all, I’d effectively told her this subliminally. She fucking knew I had nowhere to hide and I was so BP that I didn’t have the guts to draw a line under it.