After lurking and seeking advice here for a long time, I want to contribute and share the story of my last weeks.

My LTR of one and a half years started to feel bad at the beginning of the year. When we first got together, I knew about some affairs that she had in the past with guys from our university and it took a lot of effort not to think about it so that it doesn't get in the way of our relationship. This worked for me for quite a long time. But at a certain point, it came up in me again and again and I started to feel bad about having to live with knowing that my GF had these affairs. One morning I felt particularly miserable and went through her phone to find out more about what happened back then.

Don't get me wrong, the relationship was fine, she was being a great girl, sex was most of the time awesome. However, it wasn't satisfactory for me anymore, feeling like I didn't stand up enough for myself.

So I go through her snapchats and see that she exchanged snaps with this one guy some weeks ago. I check the chat and swipe down to see saved messages. There I find something (dated before our relationship) that reads like this:

She: "I am bored and want to fuck." He: "No, you say that it hurts all the time. It's no fun." She: "What!? Come over now and you can fuck me as hard as you want, until it hurts."

Clearly, this gave me the last push needed to decide to end the relationship. She wasn't cheating or anything (as far as I know), but knowing so specifically about what a slut she was in the past for someone else really turned me off. She was even a greater slut for me and I did things with her that she had never done before. But I just couldn't stand the feeling of disgust.

So the day before she was going to fly home again (she was visiting me for a longer period of time during my exchange semester), I broke up with her. Did it at a restaurant in the city. I showed no emotions and just stayed calm. She broke out in tears, we finished our drink and then left. That night, I slept on the couch and left my bed to her, in order to minimise physical contact. I didn't offer any kind of explanation that she could have challenged and did not tell her about the shit I read in her phone. So the next day she left early for her plane, still crying a lot. After she walked through the door I briefly felt sad, thinking of the good times that we had together. Two hours later I received a call, that informed me that my application for an internship was accepted. This was exactly one month ago.

Since then I am still in that country, doing that internship. In the last four weeks, I hooked up with four different girls (all via Tinder but hey, you gotta start somewhere). The first was seeking emotional validation after having sex the second time and I failed to provide it to her, out of fear of accidentally giving away committment. The second one was not really hot and in hindsight kind of a mistake. The other two I kept as plates, with one of them actually being pretty smart and interesting. So I am going to fly to an exotic place with her over the coming weekend and have a good time.

Overall, I feel like I found my self-respect again after breaking up. I am always pretty flirty around hot chicks, but always felt like in a cage while in this relationship. Now I enjoy fooling around with my hot co-worker and spinning plates. I try to work out regularly but I still carry some bad habits around:

  • Bad eating (no cooking at all)
  • Watching too much porn
  • Not sleeping enough
  • General laziness

In the coming weeks I want to improve first of all by working out at least three times a week and not eating anymore late at night. Next thing is probably getting a healthy sleep rhythm.

Apart from that, I am extremely confident in how things are going. I hope, you guys appreciate me sharing my experiences, and if I missed something important or you have any comments, I'd be happy to read them.

EDIT: Getting a lot of hate, and whatever guys, that's your opinion. All I said was that I couldn't deal with the situation how it was anymore. There were many reasons I didn't want to have the relationship anymore, but what I mentioned just fucked with my head. How can you rationalize yourself into thinking you're alright when clearly this shit is bothering you? Seriously, if someone knows, just tell me. However I am way on top since I broke up, so it was the right decision.