Oneitis: What Led Me To Enlightenment

She wants you to orbit. Don't.

Let me tell you guys and gals a story about old BP me. This was the "Be nice, be yourself!" me. This was the: "If she doesn't love you for who you are, you don't need her! Looks don't matter!" me. This was the: "She's the one!" me. Blindfolded by the ones I loved. Blindfolded by society, popular culture, and idealisms I was taught at a young age. I was able to see the light late this year, my senior year of high school, but many men go into their fifties and lose everything they've built because of these things that men are taught.

As I sit back on a terribly humid Sunday evening, fresh off of what I'd call a pretty decent training session, I figured that I'd share what pulled the wool out from in front of my eyes and what made me see the light. We all know that traumatic experiences usually lead men here, which is pretty remarkable considering that the community is 270,000+ members strong. We each have our own stories. We, in some capacity, have all been fucked over in some way that has led us here. Together. Moving forward into a better tomorrow.

This is my story.

It all started off with the girl that I thought was the one. Now, in reality, she wasn't all that. An HB7 at best. Don't get me wrong, she's pretty. She's got fiery red hair and pale skin with freckles. She doesn't have much of a body. She's pretty skinny but she isn't all bones. I met this girl in middle school. We didn't speak much because I wasn't in her friend group. I was a pretty weird kid in middle school.

Fast forward to High School. Senior year. I was fat for all of high school. I was a very weird kid. I didn't have much friends and I spent all of my time as a shut in. I surpassed 300lbs at 16 years old and was borderline diabetic. It's ok, though! Video games are your best pal and as long as you're nice and yourself, women will love you!!! That kind of thinking would've kept me a virgin until the day that I died.

I was tired of looking like that. After a family member of mine had a near death experience, I realized how quickly one can die. I realized how fragile life is, and how tomorrow is not promised. We have less time on this earth than we think. You can leave your house and die today, and nothing can stop that. I took matters into my own hands. The tl;dr on that? I lost around 150lbs in two years, and looked pretty decent going into my senior year.

Senior year, we started to talk. She added me on Snapchat and we'd occasionally reply to eachother's stories. I posted a few of my doggo and she seemed to take a liking to him, so we scheduled a day to hang out. I'd bring him out, we'd hang, and that's that. The date went to plan and obviously went nowhere. I mean, it wasn't for nothing. That day was the epitome of a plugged-in BP. In nature with my love! My oneitis! The one that I love oh, so much! The girl that's actually more cock-hungry than any slutty-looking girl walking around, but it's ok! She's pale, has freckles, and looks like the most innocent gal out there!

We spent the day together. It was like a movie. We got ice-cream. We walked through the park with my oh, so adorable dog. We laid on the grass together. Perfect, right? That's what I thought. Here's where it starts to get messy.

Second time we hung out, we went out for coffee. The day went nice, but here's where it started to get messy: She started to tell me about her past sexual experiences. Pause. Past sexual experiences? Gentlemen, when I say this, I mean it from the bottom of my heart: I would've bet my right AND left testicles that this girl was a virgin. This girl looked so fucking INNOCENT. Holy shit? You're telling me that firecrotch over here is taking cock left and right? She told me about the first guy that she fucked. She told me that it hurt when he fucked her because he was skinny and his hipbones poked her. Ouch. Why is my oneitis telling me this? You're hurting ma feelerz!!! Stop!

Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, of course, I validated it. I laughed along. Whatever, right? We hung out a few more times before I eventually professed my everlasting love and was shot down faster than that one helicopter in that movie... What's it called? Black Hawk Down? Nonetheless, I, being an absolute fucking idiot, continued to orbit her. Continued to like her pictures. Continued to talk to her after I got shut down. Until, one day, I did the second stupidest thing that a man could ever do. I lost it. Snapped on her. Blocked her. Called her out on her shit.

Only to unblock her and apologize six months later.

So now's the second time, right? I tell her that everything is gonna be different. I hit her up with a cocky and confident attitude and she immediately takes a liking. Keep in mind, still haven't discovered TRP. If I had discovered it at this time, she would've been on her knees in my room and she would've been a plate. However, for one to gain, one must lose. The first day we hung out was probably a day that I'll never forget. We went out to a fast food place and I somehow spent $40 on that day. $40. The funniest part? She told me she didn't want me to pay because it'd be too much like a date. She literally told me she had no interest in dating me, had no interest in anything sexual, and I still spent money on her. Oh well.

After that, we went to the park. We laid on a grassy field next to eachother. We listened to music, I was in paradise. Now here's the funny part. The mixed signals. She, out of the blue, offers me chapstick, starts to put on slow music, lays down on my chest... and proceeds to tell me that I'm like a brother to her. After that, she starts talking about how she got with another guy that I actually KNEW, but says that she couldn't go through with it because he couldn't get his dick hard, so she just blew him. But oh well, orbiting me didn't care! I was so infatuated with the attention that she gave me that when she was literally telling me about how she sucked a guy off because she couldn't get him hard enough to fuck her. She also told me she had some vaginal condition where her vaginal walls were too tight to have sex(?) - nowadays, I pass it off as either ASD because she had a thing for sucking dick, or because the guys she was fucking couldn't get her wet. Nonetheless, I took it.

After the date, I went to an alleyway and started to throw up. That's how fucking disgusted and revolted I was. I was so revolted that after that day, I lost it on her again. I did the SAME fucking thing that I did the first time.

And then I fell right back into her orbit. Again. I started to text her. One week, it'd be a message about how she's a fucking whore that should die in a hole. The next week, an apology. The next week, a hey. The next week, something else. It was fucking pathetic. This led up to spanning for over two months, until one fateful night.

Cue prom. I'm looking sharp as fuck. Crispy haircut, sharp tuxedo, bowtie to match. Grinded with a few ladies on the dancefloor, made out with this latina chick. What a night, right? I had this nice piece that I was gonna take to the car and smash. This is still pre red-pill, by the way. I don't know how I did it. The loss of my oneitis must've given me confidence. Nonetheless, while we're on the way to the car, guess who calls me?

Did you guess yet?

Cue, firecrotch!

She calls me telling me how her dad is in the hospital, how she couldn't make it to prom, she's crying, tells me she misses me, the whole nine! I give up an easy lay to comfort her. Orbiting her for the THIRD FUCKING TIME. The third time. After she's clearly taken advantage of all the attention that I've given her. After everything. After she told me she has no interest in me and has continued to hold my hand in public, has laid down on my chest, has told me her deepest and darkest fucking secrets just to make me feel like a SHELL of a man... I was there for her. Standing there at 4am, sweating from the dancefloor, dazed, confused, happy, sad, mad, horny, numb. She was the only one on my mind.

Two weeks later, my friend takes it into his own hands to text her about how much I care for her, love her, and how she's always on my mind. That night, we were on good terms. The next morning, I wake up to being blocked on iMessage, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, including all of her sisters' social media. Haha. OK.

Cue TRP.

I love you guys. You guys changed my life. She still crosses my mind from time to time, but with the principles I've learned from the remarkable men on this subreddit and generational figures such as Rollo Tomassi, I've managed to change my life. I'm going to college next year and I know that it will be a hell of a ride.

P.S., since I've spoken about this in the past on one of my old posts and a few women have had the actual nerve to call me a creep in my PMs, I hope you 50 year old divorcees read this while you're eating a muffin and planning on what shade of blue you're gonna dye your hair.