What makes a man capable of dealing with life?

Is it endless resolve? Capability? "Frame"?

When reality comes to meet someone at the door, I am sure you've noticed everyone deals with it differently. Many become greatly upset, but a select few seem to handle it - then assist others around them in helping themselves.

Are these genetics, or personality? What makes a personality?

Broadly speaking, in every circumstance you're faced with the following decisions.

  • You can choose what feels good.

  • You can choose what others will perceive as good.

  • You can choose what to do is right.

Notice the theme?

"Feels good" is fairly straightforward. You can jerk off and play videogames all you want.

"Looking good" - slightly more complicated. Ego driven decisions could result in a social blunder, or worse - a purchase you couldn't afford. All for the sake of....looking good.

Last but not least - you make a responsible choice based on the values you believe in at the time.

Did you know self esteem is based on that third type of decision?

Sacrifice

Each time you sacrifice yourself for those first two decisions, some part of you is lost, or at least - detracted from.

I don't care if it's eating cake or avoiding a social situation - the result is the same.

Anger.

Imagine

Imagine you have a roommate. He's a real cunt. Spending time around him is a series of situations where he fucks up, and sometimes you have to fix it afterward. But you're stuck with him....

Wouldn't that make you resentful? All the times you knew better, but he chose to do the wrong thing? Cleaning up messes, hoping he doesn't do it again....

Perspective

You live with that roommate. He is your endless companion. EVERY SINGLE TIME you make that sacrifice for feeling or looking good, you look in that guy's room and see it's a mess. Disgusting.

Who wants to put in effort for someone they don't even like?

Ego

The ego will fill in the gaps for your mistakes. In fact, it gets bigger, stronger, and nastier the long that cycle goes on.

When you commit the feel or look failures, the only compensation is rationalization. The ego grows and grows to fill in the gaps between you and who you want to be. What other choice does your brain have?

Gain or Loss

So, how to overcome this cycle?

Your mental health depends on your ability not to be SuperChad9000, or a fictional character, or a ridiculous platitude like 'faking it until you make it bro'.

The solution is breaking the cycle - the cycle of perspective loss.

Once you're pissed off and lonely, the world becomes a nasty place. Not because the world is like that, but because your ego has transposed those feelings onto the world. Filled in those gaps with things that couldn't possibly be your fault.

What's missing is the moment where you ask yourself, "am I really a victim, or just a pussy who can't see this is my problem?"

Conclusion

Accept the painful truths. Admission or admitting, and acceptance are not synonyms. ACCEPTANCE is admitting, understanding, and resolving to plan to not do it again.

There's a thing I like to tell people, "Just pick a direction and go. You have the right to change your mind later."

That's a big number three. Those will be actions aligned with your values, what you think is "right" and know is "right". That alignment will create self esteem. That self esteem creates confidence. That confidence and acceptance creates a person who can learn from mistakes, without filling in the gap with ego.

I believe in you.