Question about the slut/stud double standard

Soriq · 2015-05-02T12:59:18+00:00

In an LTR, with high counts, neither is more or less trustworthy than the other. The difference in "trustworthiness" is what happens mentally between a cheating male versus a cheating woman and the consequences of those actions.

High testosterone males simply have this nagging problem of wanting to get their rocks off, and that's where it ends. It's a hormonal thing and there is no emotional ties to the act of fucking. It's why some men pay for prostitutes, and the phrase "You pay them to leave".

An alpha widow will leave her kids and BP husband behind for her alpha because of emotional ties. She also has the risk of pregnancy.

Patrice O'Neal literally explains this perfectly right here: Skip to 1:30 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAfOcUX7zKY

grendalor · 2015-05-02T11:13:39+00:00

Basically it's because men tend towards polygamy whereas women tend towards serial monogamy. The current society hates the former and praises the latter, but it's the latter that is more of a threat to a stable relationship.

Why?

Because by its nature polygamy is "many at once" -- it isn't "either/or". Throughout history it was very common for wealthy and/or powerful men to have mistresses on the side -- polygamy, essentially -- without ever leaving their wives or wanting to leave them. While there are some men who will leave their wives to upgrade, most men who are unfaithful actually want to have their cake (retain their married family life) and eat it, too (get hotter sex on the side with "new" women). It's understandable why a wife would not like that, but it is less of a threat to the relationship than she thinks because she looks at it like a woman rather than like a man -- and a man wants to have both/and and not either/or.

Women, by contrast, are generally "one at a time" oriented. When they have an affair, they rarely want to have their cake and eat it, too -- instead, the husband gets cut off and relegated to "love him like a brother" status, and her lover is promoted to the "sex" box, and is the man she has sex with. There are exceptions to this (very slutty women who in many ways behave more like men sexually and are "polyandrous"), but they are exceptional. Most women are "one at a time" in terms of having only one man in their "sex" box at any one time -- whether they are married to that man, or not. So when a woman has an affair, there is a HUGE risk that the marriage is blown up, because she has effectively already relegated the husband to beta orbiter status, and demoted him from lover status while replacing him with another man as lover, even though she is still married to him. This is the nature of hypergamy and serial monogamy -- it seeks the best option at any one time.

This is why a woman who doesn't pair bond and is therefore more likely to stray outside the marriage creates a bigger risk of the marriage blowing up than the man who has an affair does -- he almost never wants to end the marriage, whereas she is often ambivalent about the marriage at best by the time she gets to the affair, and so there is a much higher risk that the marriage gets nuked as a result. It's simply the difference between how polygamy and serial monogamy work, and how they differ.

trpMilo · 2015-05-02T10:41:07+00:00

Psychologically: women have ONS with guys who are hotter than they can date (because guys will generally fuck girls they wouldn't date). Whereas guys have ONS with girls of lower quality than they'd date (otherwise they'd date them). So girls in relationships who've ridden the cock carousel end up settling, whereas guys still feel lucky with their SO.

There's of course also the evolutionary reason that sleeping with many mates helps the man's genes, whereas women should be looking for only the best mate and sleeping with him. So a women with the desire for novelty in sex is going to be a sign of essentially maladaptation to her environment.

strangerdanger100 · 2015-05-02T12:36:03+00:00

Because sex is a bigger deal for a woman than it is for a man, biologically speaking. A woman potentially risks her life, not to mention 9 months carrying the child and then many years of caring for it before it's self reliant. A man on the other hand wastes about 1 day of sperm production. So for a man to do that lightly is nothing at all, because there really is no downside, but for a woman to do it lightly is a big red flag because of the enormous cost to her.

Also because cuckoldry is an exclusively male problem. An unfaithful (but loyal) man is not a problem for a woman. As long as he stays with her it doesn't matter how many bastards he has running around out there, every kid in her belly is hers anyways, so as long as she can relly on him for support, she's good. The reverse is not true though, as an unfaithful wife can get knocked up and have his kid instead of yours, not only replacing the child you might have had with her, but also diverting resources from your preexisting children.

Another factor that is also prevalent is the sexy sons hypothesis. We get our genes from our parents, inheriting their traits and whatnot, so womanizing men have a better chance of having womanizing sons. So is it good for a woman to have a 2 children with a man who has 10 outside of marriage, as opposed to having 3 with a man who's fully dedicated?. Actually yes, because if we assume she has 1 boy and 1 girl and both take after their parents, she can expect to have 14 grandchildren, 2 from the daughter (like her mother) and 12 from the son (like his father), as opposed to the 9 grandkids she'd expect from the 3 kids with the faithful guy. Picking a mate isn't just about finding a partner to work with now, it's about merging your DNA with them, and the more successful their genes are, the further their genes will carry yours in generations to come.

So there's a strong case to be made for (successfully) promiscuous men being good bets for a woman. The downsides are simply not nearly as harsh as they are for a man going for a slut, and the upside of it is much greater than the inverse.

As for the marriage stability thing, the polygamy vs serial monogamy thing pretty much explains that I think. Man meets a hottie and he bangs her for a while and then moves on, all the while staying with his wife. Woman meets a hunk, she's more likely to "trade up" and have him replace the current guy instead of keeping him on the side. And to the extent she does keep him on the side, basically being a permdonor, for the reasons I already went over the cuckolded husbands has more reason to dump her over this than the cheated on wife does. A lover on the side is simply a bigger threat to a husband than a mistress is to a wife, assuming it's just sex and not love.

Overkillengine · 2015-05-02T10:51:16+00:00

TRP doesn't enforce the different standard, women do.

How?

Sexual access.

I'd say go ask them, but we also know that one is wiser to pay attention to what they do instead of what they say.

Mitchell78 · 2015-05-02T10:46:56+00:00

As far as i know a high partner count doesn't really affect the ability to pair-bond for men.

HAMMURABl · 2015-05-02T11:20:34+00:00

If a man sleeps around with a lot of women, how is he any more trustworthy in a marriage than a woman who does the same?

he is not any more trustworthy. in fact, he is less trustworthy. but you seem to not understand a crucial concept in the different mating strategies from men and women.

trustworthiness is a feature men value highly in women, because women can get laid every other day. if she is trustworthy (i.e has low count), she is simply less likely to go around and fuck every time she is offered an opportunity.

women only value it as part of the one they seek as a provider. trustworthiness from the ones that impregnates them is completely irrelevant. women want good genes and a secure provision - AF BB.

Angry_Landwhale · 2015-05-02T18:36:28+00:00

I'm not sure what you are referring to. A double standard would indicate different treatment or judgment for the same situation. Roll back the "man n womyn r ekwal" notion and this 'double standard' nonsense refutes itself.

Philhelm · 2015-05-02T13:47:41+00:00

There are some excellent answers here, so there is no need to repeat them. In addition, men tend to more readily limit their behavior due to abstract concepts such as honor, loyalty, integrity, etc. Furthermore, men have a lot more to lose in a divorce, so they either must abstain from infidelity or be extra careful. As already stated, a man won't nuke his marriage for a lay, while women do so often.

wantonton · 2015-05-02T14:23:10+00:00

The motivations for mate seeking are different in men and women. They produces different processes. Many here will say men tend not to cheat but women do. That's just not true. They both do, just for different reasons. So, you have to look for different indicators. Dating history is a good indicator of a woman's internalized mate selection process.

Stationarity · 2015-05-02T19:02:18+00:00

Here's the way I think about it. Compared to women, it's very hard for a man to sleep with a lot of women. So if he has, he must be special in some way.(not true of women) So if he is willing to marry you, he's saying you're special...no other woman has been able to make him want to do this. He is actually willing to let you past inside the relationship gate. A woman who has slept around, and marries is almost always settling for a second choice.

hohamocha · 2015-05-03T00:01:33+00:00

Genetics is more valuable to women than to men. Which is why women tend to select promiscuous men to fuck them the most, due to the fact that his genetics have already been validated by other women. A woman can afford to have a husband who has been proved to have genetically high value by other women (and have a sexy son as a result), much more than she can afford to have a husband who is proved to have genetically low value by not having had sex with many women (and have a genetically ugly son as a result). And men can provide for multiple women, as seen in polygamy, so the provision thing is made up. Men have to worry about a lot more costs, such as a promiscuous women being more likely to cuckold his genes from spreading and make him waste his efforts in raising someone else's genes/kids.

Glenbert · 2015-05-02T11:42:55+00:00

I'll see if i can dig it up, but there was a study that showed how female partner count impacted marriage. But then, when they ran the study again, it showed how men's sexual experience could more negatively impact marriage.

Here's what you need to know when it comes to social "science." It's not real science. The variance around its conclusions is so high that they aren't often wholly repeatable.

But to answer your question, generally, I know of no men with excessively high partner counts who can have stable, traditional relationships. The difference between them and women is, they don't care.

paleoman1992 · 2015-05-02T18:35:29+00:00

Guess i been lucky. At 51 i've bedded about 70 women in my life. I know what your thinking;not astronomical. But guys those were the analog days of no tinder,fake book, and really texting too. I was like Tom Hanks " I've certainly put in the time"… Had to work for it. And couldn't get a fucking wedgie in high school,for that matter.

So fast forward to now: (I'm from the "girlfriend" generation) guess im a serial dater-one after the next….. Ive got this 35 yo girlfriend who makes five times my income. Cooks for me,buys me shit blah, blah,blah…guess its not really my default to want to cheat on her. We fuck 2-3 times a week,plenty of bj's…… I got no reason to get some strange because,really I've got all these tapes in my head of previous lovers. Plus,hey,if it doesn't work out, its like fishing in a barrel out there…Easy to swap out… thats my default and my opinion on this. Cheating just makes you look like an asshole-and im a lot of things but not that. Btw-this whole red pill movement: really great for all men. hit the iron,know await,and keep a steel frame and you'll survive out there.

Greglubs · 2015-05-02T11:14:28+00:00

Men are capable of loving multiple women. Women are capable of loving one man.

my_redpill_account · 2015-05-03T00:18:05+00:00

I think what's being failed to mention is the differences between men and women.

Men are more rational and logical, and don't think/act based on emotion. Men may have multiple partners but they are more likely to look at a situation more critically and think about it more than just going off their feels. More self control, and know how to be more accountable for their actions and think ahead. Not to mention an unspoken code of honor and respect for his fellow man. (Not all men are in on it though)

The thought about why women get with dudes is because of how the man makes them feel. The "hamstering" and justifying of their actions when they aren't the best actions plays another role.

I'm not sure about being with many partners factors into it, but to me I think this is why they're more likely to cheat than a male. (Apologies if this doesn't answer your question).

But I think partner count plus the above have a definite connection.

alisonstone · 2015-05-03T00:34:45+00:00

The guy is less trustworthy. The most trustworthy guy is the guy who is ugly and lacks social intelligence so he literally cannot cheat even if he tried. That is why less socially adept, low SMV men often become "beta bucks".

For women, there are certain types of alphas that she should expect zero commitment from. For example, fucking the rockstar backstage pretty much has zero chance of creating a long term relationship, because he does that with different girls every night. Yet some dumb girls end up disappointed and devastated when he doesn't call her or even remember her name.

barmaleo · 2015-05-02T11:44:43+00:00

Regarding fucking, the short answer is they're not trustworthy. Married or not if you have access to easy pussy, you will slip eventually and will bust a nut in one of them. It's either your testosterone and lust or your pussyfoot insecurities that will make you do it. Murphy's law.

Title	Question about the slut/stud double standard
Author	hamstercide
Upvotes	13
Comments	27
Date	May 2, 2015 10:26 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/34m09n/question_about_the_slutstud_double_standard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/question-about-the-slutstud-double-standard.32118 https://theredarchive.com/post/32118

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