Raised by single mum

WakeUpAlreadyDude · 2017-06-26T02:17:46+00:00

There isn't enough that can be said about being a child of a single mother, especially the only male child. It's a very challenging experience. Even a mother who has some sense of the gap that it leaves the boy cannot fathom her inability to provide him with a positive example of male behavior.

First, let's dispense with the people who will say that fathers are not always good examples. We all know that parents are a luck of the draw (just like children) and it's completely possibly you can end up with a father that is worse than no father. My experience tells me that, outside of abuse, even a poor father figure can establish an example for his son not to follow.

Second, the mother in these scenarios is not thinking of giving her son the tools he needs to establish a reasonably dominant male personality. She's worried about her personal socioeconomic situation and establishing her feminine superiority. Any woman who thinks she is a great single mother by default thinks she's superior to men and she and her child are "better off" without a male.

I didn't figure this all out until I was well into my forties. My mother was a pretty decent person, who was misled by her generations glamorization of women in the workplace and a family member who preceded her into single motherhood (a very attractive woman who had a married rich man to support her and her child). My mother, like most single mothers, was completely ignorant of the damage she did to me and the feminization of my thinking. It's something I continue to work on to this day.

Up until a few years ago, I was like a woman. i thought that various emotional states (happiness) or feelings (sex, love, etc.) were the point of my existence. While I was hypergamistically inculcated with a phenomenal work ethic that has likely saved my ass over the years, I had no idea that I needed to establish and live my life by a set of principles to become truly happy. I wandered for years thinking "why am I not happy". The minute I realized that happiness was not some external reward but an internal process based on living my values, I finally started to become a man instead of thinking like a woman

Super_Shitlord_ · 2017-06-28T11:21:46+00:00

Single mother, five sisters, four different fathers including mine. Mine vanished before I was born, he apparently raped my mum when she was 15. I tracked him down when I was 15, total disaster, don't know why I bothered (I only found out about the rape after she let me meet him). Had step fathers but I was just in the way while they stuck around. I'm not saying I had the worst childhood ever, but it was pretty fucking shit. Mother always chose whoever she was fucking over me, let me catch some pretty bad psychological and physical abuse. Now she wonders why I can't be bothered with her. I used to defend her until I started to see that all the bad shit she went through was bought about by her own shitty choices. Once that realization set in, it just turned to resentment and anger.

I have no respect for her, don't look up to her and those feelings have only been amplified since my son was born. I can't imagine ever putting someone over him, or letting someone abuse him. I know she's broken and fucked up herself but I can't forgive it.

Anyway, the point of me posting - and this will sound weird. By being the Dad to my boy that I never had, and feeling the bond we have with each other already is somewhat filling that hole inside me. I get to give him what I needed and it's great for us both. I have to restrain myself from spoiling him get his own way, and it does sting to have to lay down the law and be dominant, but I know he needs that just as much as the love and nurture.

I never wanted kids after my train wreck of a childhood, but now I see that having such a shit ride has shown me what it means to be a good parent. I know what I needed, and that's what I'll give him. I never used to be afraid of death, but now I am, and that's only because I don't want him to grow into a man without me there to guide and support him.

iwasbornred · 2017-06-25T15:33:44+00:00

I agree about the BJJ. It really is insane the positivity that comes from the martial art and the people around it

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-06-25T15:32:05+00:00

Guys interested in this topic may find my top-level post Things My Father Taught Me: Advice for guys raised by single moms to be of value.

tweetybirdy69blazeit · 2017-06-25T15:39:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing this advice OP.

I've posted my own tragic (and sadly ongoing) story of parental disaster on here before - you'll find people, oddly, very sympathetic.

Snowbattt · 2017-06-26T12:11:07+00:00

I was raised by my mom and my older sister and I couldn't agree more.

I have a pretty nasty childhood scar. It's kind of along story, but making peace with it has helped tremendously.

wantonton · 2017-06-25T16:52:32+00:00

You're wrong about all absent fathers necessarily being of no value. There are a number of reasons why a father might have taken off. Some reasons would indicate PB or other undesirable mind sets, but not all. He could be gone because it was the only way to be true to himself in the western world of state sanctioned absolute female/mother control.

greatslyfer · 2017-06-25T21:53:45+00:00

Does a psychologist/therapist help you deal with habits/mental processes that you undergo when in social situations?

If that's the case, I need one so badly haha. I find that I developed social behaviours which are not good for a positive experience with other people, and no this isn't to seek approval, as in some sense it's just to get along with other people and to connect better with them.

FrodnarFancypants · 2017-06-26T21:05:39+00:00

And yet we have a popular movement among American women wanting to celebrate the strength and courage of single mothers on Father's Day. smh

Nichi1241 · 2017-08-08T07:10:46+00:00

I'm not a guy but I was raised by a single mother and I can understand why a lot of men avoid them at all costs unless they want a woman who's an easy lay. Single moms frequently see themselves as victims and blame everyone but themselves for their issues (my mom always talks shit about my dad to me and even though I know my dad isn't a good dad, it's still pretty awkward). My mom has had so many boyfriends that I've lost count (she would introduce these men to me as soon as they started dating and after a month or two, the boyfriends would already move into the house....only to be gone in less than a year) and it makes me cringe that she doesn't see anything wrong with using her partners as an ATM.

Right now, she's been in a long-distance relationship with some guy who wants her to move with him in "promise" of more financial stability... While also fucking a guy of whom she broke up with a few months back and I'm expected to sit back and act as if this shit is normal and perfectly fine.

Usually with kids of single moms, the father is not in the picture and if they are, there's a good chance the dad's a deadbeat who doesn't do much for his kid (at least in my case). It's sad to see that I've seen younger couples who's relationships were 10x more stable than my mom's. There's usually a good reason as to why most single moms are single. They have very few/no positive traits and a lot of them always go for the wrong guys and sometimes even have kids with them on top of everything.

Title	Raised by single mum
Author	fluidmechanics22
Upvotes	50
Comments	29
Date	June 25, 2017 1:42 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6jednj/raised_by_single_mum/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/raised-by-single-mum.44265 https://theredarchive.com/post/44265

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