This is a confession to one of the realist communities on Reddit.

My childhood was well below average and I never fully integrated with my classmates because of constantly worrying about what awaited me on the other side of the driveway. When I got to college I was unlucky enough to find other betas to live with and that was my main social circle for three years. Then I had a LTR that cheated. I went into severe depression and went into a drug coma everyday after work over the summer. In the fall of my senior year I got on Tinder and my SMV was immediately apparent, and so began my journey to the red pill. I found Corey Waynes on youtube, I did everything he said and was able to hookup a few times. Then I started to go to bars and that is when the Alphas began to assert their dominance. I was so bad at understanding the dynamics of bars that I got in a ugly fight because I hit on some guys girl, one guy even called me a manchild in front of a small crowd (i'm 5'7) and I realized that I cannot win a game where others have had a decade head start.

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About a year and a half ago I finished reading the rational male. I was traumatized by my lack of self awareness and my beta male tendencies became completely evident. I spent weeks reading forums and putting the dots together in my past experiences. I began to swallow the pill and became angry, mostly at myself. I started lifting, listening to rap music (not in my character), and began to focus my attention not on girls but my male friendships. I became what I had been conditioned to despise. I thought I could fake it and then it would become second nature. I started going to bars and just observing, seeing where women's attention was drawn to. I got to the point where I was going to the bars with guys that had game, guys that wouldn't have respected me a few years back but now see me as an equal. At first I would pregame with them and bail out soon after getting to the bar because I knew I couldn't keep up the act. Eventually some of the guys got into "relationships" and I actually saw how it works first hand. Fast forward a few months and I had three plates and one girl who I was starting to develop a more serious relationship with (this is where shit goes downhill).

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I graduate and move to a city a couple hrs away with no real friends in the area. This chick also moved to the area. We started getting more serious and she was really into me. I start spitting up the pill and we turn into a LTR. Fast forward to now and I am shit tested on the reg and she is verbally pushing for hardcore commitment, yet I can tell her hypergamy is at an all time high. I haven't lifted in five months and haven't been focused on myself as much as the relationship.

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I started reading this sub about a week ago and see that its "quarantined".

FUCK THAT SHIT.

I am so glad this community exists I got a workout session in today and put some dread in my gf, idk if I can get my frame back with her. But if I can't then fuck it.

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Moral of the story: I did what I think a lot of natural betas do with Red Pill Knowledge, they adopt the behaviors of an Alpha for a little while, find success and fall back to their old ways. Let this be a reminder that things will not change, women will not change, and your internal tendencies do not change in such a short amount of time. This isn't an eight week program.. this is the world we live in.