TL;DR

Potentially blew a chance to k-close my (arguably) former oneitis. The regret is agonizing, but taught me the valuable lesson offered in the title.

Preface

I only discovered/started lurking in this sub around 2 months ago and I am definitely still in the process of swallowing the pill. I'm hoping this can serve as a reminder to my future self as well as something for other relative RP noobs to keep in mind as they progress on their journeys.

Background

I'm 19, in my second year of university, and intending to major in computer science. I could probably write an entire separate essay about my previous relationship experiences and attempts to learn and implement a successful paradigm for dating/relationship dynamics, but I won't waste your time. To put things succinctly: Before now, I had already unknowingly implemented many RP principles into my lifestyle (e.g. I lift, generate value through campus involvement, etc.), but I was missing the bigger picture of things and still had many BP tendencies.

The girl in question (here on out referred to as Kay) is a member of the dance group I'm in. I caught oneitis for her towards the end of last semester. Granted, I have a tendency towards cynicism and am a sarcastic dick towards her most of the time, and I don't make a habit of doing favours for her, so I wouldn't say I ever became an orbiter per se.

Anyway, we live in the same city and hung out frequently during the summer. My family pressured me into asking her on a date; I did and she agreed. We saw a movie where I unsuccessfully made an attempt to hold her hand (take a moment to cringe if you need). It ended with her telling me that she had too recently exited her previous relationship and didn't think she was ready to pursue things further. In essence, a classic LJBF rejection. We remain in frequent contact because of our mutual involvement in the dance group and act as if the date didn't happen, which brings us more or less up to speed.

Body

Since discovering TRP, I've doubled down on my routine assholery towards Kay. I've become more assertive and taciturn in my communications with her while also being less attached and available (both physically and emotionally).

Kay's mother brought food to her and packed me a serving as well. Kay messages me and offers to give it to me for dinner, so I tell her to bring it to me in my room. She asks what time I plan on eating because she might bring her food and eat with me, so I give her a time and let her know where I live.

So Kay brings over the food and we eat/chat. After finishing, Kay begins to tell me how she didn't have a good day. I'll admit, pre-RP, I would lend myself to be an emotional tampon on occasion, but I wasn't having it today. As opposed to changing the subject, I simply maintain my demeanour of sarcasm/AM and implicitly belittle her story with my reactions throughout (think "Wow, you poor thing" and similar phrases said with contempt); really it wasn't a huge deal, just girl trouble. When she is done talking, she specifically says "I don't really feel like you took in any of my emotions." It's pretty interesting how well her statement fits in with the metaphor.

At this point in the conversation, I'm doing some playful kino, for example, laying my legs across her lap. As we're talking, Kay says something along the lines of "People usually have trouble reading me." I ask if there's something I'm not reading from her, and she gives me ambiguous answers like "I dunno." Then I pretend to make a serious face and move within about a foot of her face. We hold eye contact for a few seconds. In hindsight, I realize this is the point where I should have just gone for it, but instead I just hang there for awhile until she makes a funny face. This causes us both to laugh and I break away. A little bit later she says the conversation has gotten a little weird, so the subject changes. Eventually, after a little more conversation, she decides she has to go work on her paper or whatever, so I thank her for the food and let her go. Immediately after I was overcome with an intense feeling of regret. I could feel a pit in my stomach and my entire subconscious was screaming at me for being a sperg at the last minute.

Analysis

  • She was dropping hints throughout our interaction e.g. she wasn't actually that hungry, the whole thing about me reading her, etc.
  • I had a clear window of opportunity, but I hesitated and it closed just as soon as it had opened.
  • I know for a fact that if I had gone for the kiss and been rejected, it wouldn't have been as painful as the wave of regret I was hit with after she left.

Conclusion

In the process of writing this out, the regret has partially subsided. There's the possibility that Kay would have dodged or otherwise rejected the advance, but I'll never know now. I recognize that TRP is not for trying to win over your oneitis, and that's not what I was trying to do. My attraction towards her has been waning since I started learning about TRP, but she obviously still elicits some desire in me when we hang out. I have also had the thought that to pursue her might be "shitting where I eat" since we see each other all the time through our dance group. In any case, she is travelling abroad next semester, so I'm confident that after winter recess I'll be able to explore my options and start spinning a few plates so as to put her behind me.

My (and what I hope to be your) biggest takeaway from this is that I never want to feel such a powerful sense of regret again, and thus will do everything in my power to internalize RP principles and apply them in my life to that end. I appreciate any and all feedback or further analysis, and I'm willing to answer any questions or clarify things in the comments.

I'm glad that I've found this place. Cheers!

edits: shitty formatting