My best friend growing up was named Dylan, your stereotypical bad boy. He started riding a motorcycle when he got his license at 17, he wore leather jackets, had several tattoos, and smoked cigarettes since he was 13. Dylan was tough as nails, often confrontational and aggressive, not taking shit from anyone. Not surprisingly, he was very successful with women, who ate up his bad boy persona. Watching him pull women effortlessly, I thought, this is what girls want: the bad boy. If I emulate his behavior and image, then logically, I too will be successful with women. But when I started talking, acting, and dressing like Dylan, nothing changed. Women didn't take the new me seriously whatsoever.

The reason why nothing changed is because the image I displayed was completely unauthentic. Dylan grew up poor with a hard-ass father and three older brothers who kicked his ass. Everything about his bad boy, “asshole” personality was completely authentic. I, on the other hand, grew up well-off, going to private schools and going on vacation every year. My dad was hardly a man, and my mom walked all over him. So naturally, when I tried to do a complete 180 and become an asshole like Dylan, girls could tell I was faking it and didn’t take me seriously.

On your quest to become an alpha male, you need to find your niche. If you're a naturally funny and outgoing guy who can captivate people with his stories and make audiences laugh, don't try to be a silent, dark, Daniel Craig/James Bond-esque killer. If you're an intelligent, educated, and business-savvy entrepreneur, don't brand yourself as a buff gym rat/muscle head. The point is, figure out your defining qualities—your skills, your passions, and your genuine personality—and mold those characteristics into a successful, alpha male.

Maybe you get girls because you’re the linebacker on a football team. Maybe you get girls because by being the lead guitarist of a up-and-coming rock band in your city. Maybe you’re a firefighter who runs bravely into burning builders, or the CEO of a startup who is in charge of many employees. All of these identities are very different, but there’s a common denominator: they are all passionate about their interests, are following their mission, and demonstrate masculine traits.

Find your niche, follow your mission, and the girls will follow.