Whilst watching Iron Man 3 with my parents a supressed memory came back to mind. My 2013 new years eve. This is the first time I have ever told this story to anyone.

Late november in 2013 I dropped out of college. I was filled with insecurities. Acne. Skinny. Poorly fitting clothing. 6 ft tall, 130 pounds. I hit rock bottom. My hair grew long and I became a shut-in. The kind of person you imagine to play Second Life. I had my own apartment in a city I knew nobody else in. I was surrounded by millions of people, but I had never been more alone in my life. The only time I spoke to people was on Teamspeak - to my gaming buddies. Supermarket visits terrified me. I didn't even dare visit a barber. New years eve approached. On Facebook I saw people getting ready for an awesome night of partying. But I wasn't invited anywhere. People had forgotten about me entirely. I spent my new years eve alone. Because I live in the city center I heard my neighbours and other people outside laughing and enjoying themselves. I turned out all the lights in my house. I didn't want to be seen. I felt utterly ashamed. I went to bed at 1am.

In the weeks afterwards I told people I partied with friends. Even lied to my parents about it. I didn't want my mom and dad worrying about me feeling lonely. I didnt want them to know how big of a failure I was.

A few weeks later I found a video by RSDTyler which probably saved my life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGp25fn25Cs

Inspired and eager to improve I quickly found myself reading trp. I started lifting and improved my posture. Started looking everyone in their eyes - it really helps to look people you pass by in their eyes aswell. I fixed my acne. Brushed my teeth for the first time in weeks. Bought new clothes and a tanning bed. Then, for the first time in probably half a year I visited a barber. I spent most of that day looking in the mirror, surprised by the face that looked back at me. Slowly but surely, my social anxiety faded.

When summer started an old high school friend moved to my city. He had always been a social butterfly and had a large network of friends. I invited him over and we chatted for hours. We started hanging out a lot.

Because we both had no jobs, dropped out of college and had money to spend, we started clubbing. My first night was hell. I was twitchy as fuck. I ended up throwing up, not because I had drunk too much alcohol but because of the nerves. I felt so relieved when I finally made it to my bed. The day afterwards we decided to go again. He pushed me to. I'm not sure if he knew what I had been going through or not, but either way I have much to thank him for. With a little help of mr Bacardi this night went much better and I enjoyed myself. Eventually we went clubbing probably 3, 4 days a week.

I was still terrible with girls. I had zero experience. I wouldn't know what to do with the girl if I'd be able to hook one. But my friend had to look for new roommates and found two girls. On our first night out - her haze - we kissed. Hands were all over the place. Too bad she ended up throwing up on my couch, else I'm sure i'd have lost my virginity then. Didn't get to fuck her. She still had a boyfriend at the time.

The other girl... She was a terrible slut. And, no matter how lonely or depressed I might get, I do have standards. She was easy. Too fucking easy. Declined her several times. She spent most nights out hugging and kissing me. Great social proof - but I never returned the favors. She got a boyfriend, but continued to show her desire towards me EVEN in front of her boyfriend. (Few days ago we went clubbing and her lips were all over my face again, with her boyfriend standing just a few meters beside her)

Eventually New Years eve approached. I was still a virgin at the age of 20. But I had grown. Solid sense of style, clear skin. Decently muscular. Confidence higher than ever. My solid A++ lifesaver wingman friend invited me to his new years eve party ofcourse. Lots and lots of girls. Hit it off with many of them. Slutty girl providing social proof. Eventually the new year began and we watched the fireworks. I found myself on a secluded balcony with a girl I hadn't talked to all night. I didn't even know her name. I looked her in the eyes and we kissed for several minutes. I took her home. I think you know the rest ;)

I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this story. Maybe it closure. Maybe its a thank-you note to TRP and RSDTyler. Maybe its because I know there are guys out there who sank as low as I did. Probably all of the above.