TRP'ers whose parents divorced, how has it affected your relationships?

jmikolash · 2013-12-01T16:11:20+00:00

In hindsight their constant arguing and violence has endowed me with a cynical outlook towards relationships and human beings. Whenever anyone tries to escalate with me, whether it is towards friendship or romance, I become disgusted.

It was not the divorce itself, that was when things became good again, but living in the caustic environment that led up to it that changed me for life. My mother's constant drinking and self pity, meanwhile, she would often create the drama just to amuse herself. Father was a manchild who should have never started a family. He loved his freedom and resented being stuck in our impoverished nest.

I won't be making the same mistakes as him.

pcadrian · 2013-12-01T17:21:11+00:00

Mom got divorced when I was 4. I was raised to be super blue.

VodkaTankerSpill · 2013-12-01T21:43:21+00:00

I'm 26 and last I saw my father - I was 10 or 11 I think, and not much before that. I was raised very blue and now I basically tearing myself down and rebuilding from complete ground up. I have not been in a serious relationship.

[deleted] · 2013-12-01T17:25:32+00:00

I'm not sure if the divorce directly affected it, but before my ex-wife, I could only be with a girl for at most 3 months. Either I or she would get bored of it and end it. Then my marriage happened and, judging from what my dad told me about my mom, experienced the same shit my dad did.

My dad wasn't "allowed" to go out without my mom's approval (same as me). When he did have to go out, she would shoot him passive-aggressive remarks (same as me). She had him move to a state where there weren't many jobs in his career path because she liked the weather. I moved to an apartment that was close to her beauty school, which she stayed in for a couple months before dropping out.

Granted, my mom is less crazy than my ex. Her hamster isn't on 24/7, but I see it every now and again.

ScannerSloppy · 2013-12-02T00:52:28+00:00

I will resist divorce at any cost.
Because of the huge lies that came out during my parent's divorce, I never take anyone's word at face value.
I learned that stepfathers can learn to love stepchildren, but stepmothers will never see their stepchildren as anything but a bitter reminder that her man has a past.
"Father figures" rarely love stepchildren as much as biological fathers do.
Male children cannot be effectively disciplined by anyone but their father.
Boys denied their father's validation spend their entire lives trying to prove their manhood to themselves, but never succeed in this.

Evers89 · 2013-12-01T22:13:53+00:00

Mom divorced my dad when I was 3 years old and god love her, she just doesn't have the firm hand that I think I would have benefitted greatly from.

It was hard growing up more so than now. I couldn't handle confrontation and still clamp up at times. Granted, it's come a long way and I find that my backbone is there now. I had to go through a bunch of shit on my own and burn to figure things out and inadvertently ended up showing my little brother how not to do things.

I believe if I had a dad I would have been more self disciplined at an earlier age and learned how to handle male responsibilities in a timelier fashion.

Through trial and error, research on what it's like to be a man, I found my way. Not all guys do even when they have a dad and I'm thankful I did. I don't think it cripples men to not have a father, but you have to work that much harder to figure it out and you have zero examples to follow so it's a tougher path for sure.

qstnnblmtrl · 2013-12-01T22:30:44+00:00

Father left when I was like 5, still saw him from time to time until I was 12, he moved back to his country and stayed there until I was 17. Never had a strong male role model during my formative years, but my mother was and is a very traditional (read: redpill) woman. This is probably due to her being raised in an Eastern European country during communism and only coming to america after she was in her 30's. Regardless, I am lucky to have not been blue pill brainwashed about the nature of women, my mother always kept it real with me and she told me how to behave around women in such a way that will help me out... however I bought into the whole feminism and "women are the same as men" bullshit because I didn't believe her. Now I'm 100% with her and actually listen to the shit she tells me.

Not having a father probably made it harder for me to realize the kind of person I should be like because I never SAW how males acted besides my peers. Slowly working on learning to act in a much more masculine way.

ATowne · 2013-12-01T23:56:34+00:00

Aside from being a cynic, I'm also very quick to determine "It's over".

I'm also immensely unlikely to cheat.

damnyouresickbro · 2013-12-02T06:26:16+00:00

Parents didn't get divorced but they should have. I know every marriage has it's ups and downs(mostly downs in my opinion) but it was just bad beyond belief. Cops called multiple times to the house, they would go months without saying a single word to each other, just yelling matches that prevent you from sleeping and not want to get up to go to school the next day.

Really fucks you up mentally as you become scared of any commitment or relationship as in the back of your mind you think that will be the end product of it. Had severe anxiety and paranoia as a result of it as you're just waiting for the next incident to happen. By no means is it the worst example but it just shows you to what extent a bad marriage can fuck you and the people around you up mentally.

PaulRivers10 · 2013-12-02T06:52:13+00:00

As someone who's parents divorced, it was definitely the best thing possible out of a bad situation.

My dad had already been beaten down quite a bit by my mom. My mom had raised me as a small child to be independent, but had started to try to reign that kind of control over me as well (which she did, sadly, to my brother, who lives at home and is still going to "college" at 29).

In other words - it was a bad situation, but because my parents go divorced I ended up beta, rather than ending up gamma or omega. Or just plain in jail or some shit.

I feel like I missed out on having more stable and supportive parents, but there's no way that having to remain married would have helped that. A little part of me wonders if my mother hadn't gotten all those perpetual "she's a victim" messages from society if things wouldn't have gone better. But then I look at her parents, and my dads parents, and both those relationships were mediocre to bad before any of the wave of feminism that brought this mentality out.
It really ticks me off when you hear this claim that someone your children are better off if parents just couldn't get divorced. What a bunch of absolute crap. Divorce was the safety valve for my parents - if they couldn't have gotten divorced, I'm pretty sure something truly terrible (like one of them someone killing the other) would have eventually happened. And you don't know my parents, so you don't know how weird that is to say - if you met them now, you're never ever think that about them. They're not violent people, and there wasn't any physical violence in the house when I grew up. Lots of yelling, arguing, etc, but no physical violence despite all of that.

tl;dr - Parents got divorced, I ended up Beta, but this was a LOT better than the non-divorce option where I would have ended up gamma, omega, or just plain fucked up. Divorce was a godsend of being able to escape what was becoming a more and more caustic environment.

Title	TRP'ers whose parents divorced, how has it affected your relationships?
Author	Wtshnnu2
Upvotes	5
Comments	16
Date	December 1, 2013 3:48 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1rubif/trpers_whose_parents_divorced_how_has_it_affected/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/trpers-whose-parents-divorced-how-has-it-affected.8395 https://theredarchive.com/post/8395

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