Why can't I be confident?

DatCisco · 2014-10-23T04:41:03+00:00

I don't know why I am not confident

Two things:

Outcome independence. Simply stop giving a shit about how she'll react and what she'll say. Like you said in your post, sometimes girls say no to your confident friends yet they still "believe that they are doing women a favor by asking them out" that's because they don't give a shit that they've been told "no" in the past -- they're outcome independent.
Get out of your comfort zone. When you go to a party don't just cling to the people you know; talk to that cute girl in the other side of the room. If you're at a frozen yogurt place and the cashier is cute, strike up a 5 minute conversation and end it with getting her number. And don't forget to stay outcome independent in these interactions.

The more experience you have doing the above things the more confident you will become.

Also, just a personal tip that I've used: start out low. Approach HB6-8s when you're first starting out - yes it's important to be outcome independent but getting positive results every now and then won't hurt. Then when you feel more confident move up to 9/10s. Small steps.

Frozen_Tundra · 2014-10-23T06:14:54+00:00

Why can't I be confident?

Because you aren't alllowing yourself to be confident. You aren't recognizing your achievements, you aren't giving them value. And you are not saying you are trying to improve. Are you?

You are no longer the skinny loser in high school. But your mindset is when it shouldn't be.

The above posters have hit the nail on the head. Recognize your weaknesses and improve them.

Can't bring yourself to talk to women or feel a bit awkward? Force yourself to just start a random conversation with anyone. Standing in line waiting for your order, make a comment to someone and start the conversation. It will start to come naturally.

There was also a good video on how to make yourself feel at ease and I can't remember the title of it or I would link it. Instead of looking at starting a conversation with someone to get something you want, look at it as a conversation where you can offer something of value.

drrrrrr · 2014-10-23T11:05:31+00:00

You are not confident because deep down you know you're weak and you are too realistic to have "delusional confidence". You can probably go read some self-help shit that tells you to believe you're the man, but your mind in the moment will just tell you that no, logically, you're not the man.

You can only become confident by becoming strong and superior; that way you can look at yourself and have what I think of as "justified narcissism."

How does one become strong and develop a frame of references they can use as "evidence" of why they are awesome, so that acting confident just feels 'right'? By taking on challenges and forcing yourself to exceed. By pushing through pain to accomplish something. You don't have confidence because you likely have never done that. Which is not your fault so far, because society never forced you to like it did in old cultures. When you had to do your rite of passage that forced you to face death, overwhelming odds, a lethal animal, war, complete loneliness, etc, the boy would return as a man. He's faced something and survived, so now he behaves confidently.

You have to seek these challenges because life will NEVER give them to you unless you ask for them. Push out of your comfort zone. Make unrealistic goals, like to get a top tier internship while in college or to try to start up a side business. Pick some goals that are a stretch and go do your best to make it happen. Pick a sport and decide that you're going to commit to getting good at it, join a boxing gym. Always heap more on your plate and force yourself to do more than your best.

This is how you get true confidence. This is how you get to the point where you just feel like you can do anything; your brain remembers the 100 past times where you thought you couldn't do it and you did, and confidence just kicks in. This is 100% true for women. I'm 30 years old and I still get approach anxiety despite having done thousands of approaches in LA / NY / SF clubs for a long ass time. Except my subconscious always kicks in when I bitch out about approaching the 9-10 girls; it says "the last time, you thought the same pussy shit, but you approached anyway and you fucked." It's like when Tyson steps into the ring with another excellent boxer - he still has 100% confidence because he has the reference experiences of buttfucking the last dozen people who stepped to him in the ring, so why should this one be any different?

You need to get those reference experiences or you'll never have confidence. Most men have confidence when they get the money or they get the power - they have confidence once they feel they have grabbed up the social capital that permits them to act confidently. Strip them of that, they are little pussies.

When you get confidence from reference experiences (challenges you smashed, fears you conquered, overwhelming odds you battled out, misery you turned into victory, suffering that didn't kill you, all that shit) that is forever. It's yours and it gets pussy wet. Do this in conjuction with pursuing a good career and learning game in the hard environments, and you will see your SMV rise (which boosts confidence) and your confidence rise (which boosts how you communicate your SMV to those around you).

Pick 10 things you've always bitched out on doing because you're scared / a pussy / its too hard / you don't think you'd succeed. By next year, have them done at all costs. That'll give you more confidence than all of the internet articles, books, speeches, self help, and even gym-going can ever give you.

BLarga54321 · 2014-10-23T05:54:56+00:00

I'd like a bit more muscle

Then do it. What's stopping you? Every time you achieve success, you gain a level of confidence.

redknight007 · 2014-10-23T07:02:25+00:00

You're on the right path to success. That knowledge alone, should give you some confidence and pride in yourself already. The key is to be persistent and patient. Live in the present and stop worrying about the future. It's the process that you should be concerned about and not the product. The product will reveal itself in the future as you focus on the process in the present.

Movonnow · 2014-10-23T10:12:10+00:00

Confidence doesn't exist.

It's all BS. This PUA stuff who tells you you lack confidence and you have a huge obstacle (approach anxiety), this is a way to paralyze you.

Get that idea, 'confidence', out of your head. Don't think about it anymore. It's not a problem anymore.

markasstrick123 · 2014-10-23T13:28:53+00:00

Be the man with a goal. Have a series of missions throughout the day. Study hard, workout hard, and work hard. Confidence becomes second nature when you live such a high intensity lifestyle. you know you're worthy of a womans time when you live rough like that.

Sunshinelorrypop · 2014-10-23T14:42:26+00:00

What is it specifically are you having trouble with?

When you say that your friends "capture everyones attention with the charisma" that doesn't indicate confidence. There are often people that mistake confidence for attention seeking but I can see by the way they fight their smile, the tone of their voice and defensive conversations that they are not confident people. People come to me when they need help (despite me being the most unqualified to help). Remember how annoying attention seeking women are, you don't think of them as being confident. Don't strive to be an attention seeker.

Seeking attention in itself comes across as needy.

Its in the little things. Do you ever smile at women when they notice you looking at them?

Do you deflect questions defensively? Act false modest or have problems with your speech?

There's a million things which it could be. This is why we need your feedback.

redpillschool · 2014-10-23T15:23:01+00:00

/r/asktrp

Title	Why can't I be confident?
Author	randyquestions
Upvotes	5
Comments	10
Date	October 23, 2014 4:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2k2fv4/why_cant_i_be_confident/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/why-cant-i-be-confident.23455 https://theredarchive.com/post/23455

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