After lurking and posting on /r/Seduction and /r/TheRedPill for nearly a year, I can honestly say that a lot of the wholly, helpful information on how to attract women can be summarized to one crux: be genuinely confident.

So, what is ‘genuine’ confidence? First, let me retrogress for a movement and say that growing up I have always been quasi-confident — I would only be able to feel confident for moments of time, and then I’d meek in the face of an obstacle. I never knew what it mean to be fully confident because I was only able to experience it in bouts. But, the best description of it is similar to feeling in-state: a bit maniac, cool, unstoppable, and you think you are the best.

When I started working on self-improvement, one of the first things I worked on was having a clean home and a schedule. I realized that when I had a good schedule and pre-meditated my school and work plan and prepared for my classes (and everything else), I was in charge of the situation, I felt more confident too. I started watching interesting documentaries and following interesting shit and reading a cool books. When I started going to the gym and picked up a hobby, along with my job, I would make less time to hang out with shitty people I used to hang out with and stopped text/snapchat girls that wouldn’t go on dates with me, but would take my validation. Because I would rather use that time on my hobby or at the gym. For the first time ever, I had cool shit to talk about and I was ‘exclusive’ in that I only hung out with people that I liked. Guess what: even people that had been rude to me before have asked me to be friends with them or hang out with them.

After that, I didn’t really experience any approach anxiety anymore. I honestly feel that I can walk up to anyone, give them a cold read and feel out or talk out something they are passionate about and have an interesting conversation with them about it and gave them feedback and my knowledge on it. I know that because I have done that many times. Because I know this is true, I really don’t give a shit what other people thing about me. Actually, some of my best opener have been me not giving two shit. I was once at a bar (mind you, I’m 20), and I see a hot girl dancing, so I say: “Hey you there… Keep doing what you’re doing.” (This actually brings me to another point: it’s not about what you say, its how you say it. You man memorize every can lined in the world, but it doesn’t mean shit, if you can’t say it with confidence. If I would have said that unconfidently, I’m sure I would have been creep-shamed.)

Some of the byproducts of being more confident have been:

  1. Social proof. I am able to talk to anyone and about anything. I really don’t judge others, and just treat everyone with respect, even if other people might deem that the person doesn’t deserve it — I am not above anyone or below anyone. I think the reason for this might be that I lived a shitty life before, and when someone said that they did something awesome or bang a really hot girl, I didn’t believe it because from my perspective that was impossible for me, so I projected that onto other people’s lives.

  2. Abundance mentality, I know that no one girl will make or break my life (even if I really like spending time with her), so i don’t get attached unless she has earned that.

  3. I’ve been rejected a shit load of times, and surprisingly that has made me more confident, and I can honestly say I reviewed my errors and was able to learn and become more confident for other approaches. Don’t count on other people for any type of validation. That is setting yourself up for disaster.

  4. If you have an insecurity, ignore it and don’t make a big deal about it because it’s probably not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

Attraction is really hard to explain — something just clicks and it happens. I see guy who like girls and they try to hide it because they’ve read that girls like guys that are “above” them or ‘girls like what they can’t have’. I also have friends that let the girl walk over them and make all the calls, and the guy usually becomes needy and the girl won’t call him back.

The best thing that I’ve noticed that works for me is show interest. NEVER HIDE IT. NEVER DOWNPLAY IT. You show interest by genuinely being interested, kino, and eye contact. I don’t usually tell girls that I like them anymore because I prefer to show them, but sometimes I will tell them if the situation warrants it. HOWEVER, what separates you from getting the girl and being a beta-orbiter is having: boundaries. Make it almost seem like she only has one chance with you, and if she blows it, you’ll next her faster than the drop of a hat. Be dominant — lead the conversation, plan the date, make sure you are always in control. Start out formal and make the relationship more informal as time passes or she earns you. Shit tests are very real. Usually I’ve noticed that girls that really like me rarely shit test me, and when a girl starts losing attraction for me or doesn’t like me a lot, she’ll shit test me hard. Sometimes I will agree and amplify, but sometimes I don’t want to do that, especially if she says something rude. If a girl starts talking about another guy, I’ll during a date (btw, I usually call it a date when I ask girls out), I’ll ask her if she is interested in him. I’ve seen people on these forum say that you should stay stuff along the lines of: “He sounds like just my type, I’d fuck him”. I guess you can do that, but the subtext of what I’m recommending is: I don’t have time to play games with you, and I’m not going to fight for you. That usually sets the girl straight, and put you in control of the situation.

Remember, girls are amazing actors, I’m surprised that they don’t even believe what they tell you sometimes. Girls are biologically hardwired to become attracted to the man after they have been together for a long time or they’ve had sex (but, sex isn’t always a good barometer for interest). I’ve had my heartbroken before by girls that tell me the are super in love with me and I would spend a lot of time with them, and they’d tell me they always want to be with me, then the dump me out of the blue. Don’t fall too quick for girls! I’ve seen a bunch of loser have their heart broken like that to not mention this.

This brings me to my next point, don’t get needy. Part of being needy is that you think getting the girl was a fluke, and you’re fortunate enough to have her. Newsflash: sorry to break it to you, but if it was a fluke, it’s not going to last long. If you start getting needy, remember just that she’s not as interested in you as you are in her.

I see a lot of people on /r/askseddit ask if they should ask a girl out. I mean, go for it, you never know what a girl will say — the only way to know is by asking her on a date. However, I have noticed a paradigm on how to tell whether a girl will say yes. Usually, you need to already have an emotional connection with the girl before you ask her out. By that I mean that you have to at least have one interest or something to talk about. Also, you can kino and tease her, and see how she responds.