These ideas are taken from Conscious Dating by Daniel Steele. I've been reading this book in an effort to approach, attract, and foster relationships with more positive (read: less neurotic) women. I've found that the advice that follows is useful if you are strictly single, spinning plates, pursuing/in a relationship, or trying and failing at any one these three.

If you are reading along, this is Chapter 3 from the book:

"A 'dating trap' is an unsolvable problem that results in unhappiness in a relationship. Getting out of the trap often means leaving the relationship. When single, you can do a lot more than you realize to avoid these traps and prepare for a successful and lasting relationship."

  1. Marketing Trap - You believe that you need to make yourself more appealing to sell yourself. You fear that nobody will want you as you really are. Be your best on a date, but don't present yourself as something you're not.
  2. Packaging Trap - Essentially focusing on the superficial in a potential partner. People want to be viewed as multidimensional beings. Strict limitations surrounding physical appearance or other superficial details will limit your options and possibly close off interactions and partners that you might actually enjoy. Beauty, money, sex, fame, etc....don't mistake any of these things for anything else.
  3. Scarcity Trap- Belief that there is a limited supply of possible partners. It only takes one in a sea of many. If you are looking for relationship material, it is about quality over quantity, anyway. The sexual marketplace is competitive and only a small percentage rise to the top. Steele also points out that media fosters scarcity mindset. Inducing a scarcity mindset is very useful in sales and a major part of our developmental life is spent as an targets of marketing tactics.
  4. Compatibility Trap - Belief that if you having fun with someone and getting along well, you are compatible for a committed relationship. This trap also works in the opposite direction, wherein compatibility become too important for someone who is looking to date casually or trying to enjoy the singles scene. These people need to realize that short-term dating is about recreation, not meeting each others deepest needs.
  5. Fairy-Tale Trap - Belief that finding a good match "just happens." Hopefully, everybody here knows that this is bullshit. This is not how human interactions work at all. Steele calls it a fantasy. Another aspect of this trap is holding potential partners to impossible ideals. It's about knowing yourself first so that you can be the chooser, rather than waiting to be chosen.
  6. Date to Mate Trap - This is essentially the all-too-common behavior of trying to "make it work" in a relationship with most women you date, even early on in dating one another. This is reckless, stupid, and probably based on religious bullshit or an intense desire to get married. Steele states that, sadly, this trap is a cultural norm for Americans.
  7. Attraction Trap - Infatuation is a persuasive force. Don't let you choices about a person be based solely on your level of attraction to them.
  8. Love Trap - Interpreting infatuation, attraction, need, good sex, or emotional attachment as "love." Romantics are especially vulnerable to this. They may think, "if it feels good, it must be love." Prepare to have your expectations dashed if you ride this train.
  9. Rescue Trap - Hope that a relationship will solve emotional and financial difficulties and bring you happiness and fulfillment. This leads to a loss of agency and personal responsibility. Instead of solving your problems, you learn to live with them.
  10. Codependent Trap - Both this and the rescue trap capture individuals who don't like to be alone. You expect someone will love you and give you what you want by giving the other person what she wants. This tends to attract people who need you but are unable to give you what you want.
  11. Entitlement Trap - Belief that you deserve to get what you want in your life and relationships without effort or change on your part. This another trap that is heavily reinforce by media/culture in modern America. This causes you're attitude toward a partner to become, "what can you do for me?" rather than "what can I do for you?" or "what can we do for one another?"
  12. Lone Ranger Trap - Steele says this is one of the most common traps. It's a focus on finding a partner with a belief that other relationships in your life are less important. Victims of this trap are likely to miss out on friendships, existing and potential. Develop a support network and try to have experiences with a variety of people. Lone Rangers tend to isolate themselves while single and live as an isolated couple when dating.