(english not my first language, but I'm trying)

TL; DR: I've been doing meditation and learning about eastern philosophy for a long time. I am disappointed.

I've been wasting enormous amount of time studying buddhism, Zen, Alan Watts, Lao Tzu, Chuang Tzu, even Eckhart Tolle stuff resonated deeply within me. Things like 'before life you choose what people you'd encounter' (which is so dumb)

There is not a lot of wisdom in their teachings. There are many quotes that you can recite in order to impress someone. It seems smart and mysterious, but truth is you can't apply most of the stuff to your life.

Note that many so-called mystics nowadays would receive psychiatric diagnoses. I'm glad that they could adapt and live fullfilling live, since Western Psychiatry is a dehumanizing piece of shit, but the reported experiences are just nut job stuff.

They don't have meaning. One of the greatest books is of course 'Zen and The Art of Motorcycle maintenance' but Robert Pirsig was a schizophrenic. It's still a great book to read and to think of. But you need to realise first what are schizoid problems (more or less interesting review although a bit dated would be Harry Guntrip's "Schizoid phenomena, Object-relationships and self").

When you know who are typical schizoid the book 'Zen and The Art of Motorcycle maintenance' would be an absolutely different read and still awesome, challenging and thought-provoking. The whole ego nonsense like 'inner dialogue is not you' is understandable because schizoid's are actually have troubles developing a normal ego and the eastern religion might be viewed as a way for people with psychiatric problems to adapt and cope.

I tried many types of meditation, breathing meditation, sitting doing nothing meditation, TM meditation - to save you trouble you can google the mantra or to parapharse Krishnamurti: "Just repeat one word like coca-cola".

And by the way the whole mantra concept in TM smells like shit. Why do you need a personal mantra? How do they know what mantra do you need?

For me the eastern wisdom was the way to escape out of cold, unloving, biological, indifferent and still extremely troublesome Universe. It's much more difficult to make peace with reality. I couldn't do it for a long time, I always tried to hide my ass behind some philosophy like stoicism. It's so important to get a 'false sense of control' where no control is possible.

The benefits of meditation are:

  1. you get a little bit calmer, especially if you have anxiety issues
  2. you develop an observing ego.

Basically after any meditation session you feel being flushed, like your mind rebooted itself. It's ok feeling. But I don't see a difference with some other activities:

  1. having a nap.
  2. getting a massage.
  3. having a nice long conversation with somebody close to you. If you have it through a lot of time - it's profoundly healing and calming activity.
  4. Being in a flow state activity e.g. going home and engaging in a hobby will probably produce the same effect as meditation.
  5. having sex

Meditation do change brain, changes are related to neurogenesis. It may reduce amygdala size which is important in PTSD so if you have PTSD the meditation might be a great adjunct for you. But it is not a first-line treatment.

If you need neurogenesis you can try engaging yourself in aerobic exercises and lifts, it would be even more beneficial. Helps with mood a lot. Also having a routine sleep schedule and diet regime, removing booze, etc. works miracles on mood. Several drugs also improve neurogenesis, like Lion's Mane may boost NGF, Cerebrolysin also I believe can boost both NGF and BDNF.

The observing ego is the great benefit. But I'd recommend psychotherapy or at least psychotherapy books, you obtain the observing ego right away - you just project therapist inside yourself.

The quality of your insights would be a lot better. And you are also probably get better from the standpoint of anxiety or depression. Psychotherapy may also help you create a meaningful life.

There is no known serious Insights or Wisdoms which people get because of meditation. Even 'englightenment' (which is questionable concept) wouldn't make you a genius. Or extremely happy person. They do appear to be calm but these people are not engaged in our society day-to-day activities.

I'm not so strongly against meditation - it's beneficial, it's cheap, you can easily try this activity, but it's clear for me that this activity is extremely overrated in all self-improvement circles.