One of the most common traps we fall into is betraying who we are once we find love. Picture this, you’re a young, hungry and ambitious man ravaging through your obstacles and achieving your goals, making a name for yourself. You’re in shape, you’re on a path to greatness and life seems perfect. Then one day you meet her™️. At first you’re hesitant, thinking “she’s just like everyone else”. You’re wise, you’ve seen this before, whether in business or in relationships. You know you must never show weakness, everyone’s out to get you or take something from you. Problem is, no matter how much you tell yourself that, she’s persistent in showing you love and care.

Eventually she becomes your source of peace from your chaotic and fulfilling life. Like an island you come across every so often in your tough and combative journey. Like a constant river though, with time you go from being a jagged and sharp rock to a buttery smooth pebble. You don’t notice it at first, you think you’re maturing and becoming a better lover. “She’s not out to get me, I should let her in” you think. She encourages this better version of you and you love the positive feedback.

A few years pass, you notice the pullback, the lack of obsession and finally, the lack of respect. The final nail in the coffin. The disrespect might come as straight up being nasty to actual cheating and leaving you. This final nail is what wakes you up and you think “who the fuck even am I?” You wake up and see everything you’ve built is gone and you didn’t even notice it as it was happening. You feel like you just woke up from a dream.

You confront her and she tells you she doesn’t like you anymore or whatever BS story. You go into logical mode and say “this is what you wanted me to be, I did everything you asked!!”

This is a tale as old as time. The short of it is, you got tricked and played. It’s not that complicated. It shouldn’t scare you into never dating or falling in love though. Relationships and love can be beautiful and they can truly add to your life.

Next time you’re in your journey to greatness, whether it’s after you recovered from the last heartbreak or you’re doing this for the first time, when you meet her™️, immediately write down why you think she likes you. Solidify your identity on paper and every few weeks/months, revisit how you think you currently seem compared to what you put down on paper when you were on your A game. Anytime you change or deviate, you’re basically scamming her™️, showing her what she didn’t sign up for. So be THAT guy she met, always.

Having a solid identity is not only useful in relationships, but it’s very useful for you in general. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve watched spiral downward because of identity issues and conflict.

Side note: if you actually don’t identify with who you were when you first met, it’s fine to be honest with yourself and either show the change and hope she stays or dip and find someone more aligned with who you are now.