In response to a post wherein we "unpacked" an article written by a very silly woman who had the audacity to call her musings The Unofficial Guide to Being a Man, I created my own parallel list, and we mods decided to post it as weekend content since it doesn't fit our usual format. Discuss:

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The Unofficial Guide to Being a Woman

* Stop talking about where you went to college or where you work.

* Always carry a hairbrush.

* Dress like a lady. You're not a hood-rat, a gang-banger, or a lumberjack.

* Never stay out after midnight.

* You will regret your tattoos.

* Never date a guy you met at a bar. In fact, don't hang around in bars.

* When the waiter asks, you should already know what you want to eat.

* If you perspire, take a shower.

* When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go. And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.

* Alcohol doesn't make you more appealing.

* When in doubt, choose the least-reckless option.

* No selfies. Ever.

* There’s always another level. Just be aware that levels go both down and up.

* You can get away with a lot if you're pleasant. You can literally get away with murder if you're pretty.

* Ask for a salad instead of fries. Go easy on the dressing.

* Offer to split the check, and mean it.

* Unaccompanied men want you to talk to them.

* When a bartender buys you a round, realize that he's trying to get in your pants because that literally never happens to men.

* The cliché is that the money you have is "yours" and what he has is "ours." Don't be that girl.

* Use a razor... hippy chicks went out of style in the 1970s.

* Desserts are for people who are going to work them off.

* Buy a pencil skirt before you are twenty-five. Stay that size.

* Both place-dropping and name-dropping make you sound pretentious.

* Yes, of course you have to cook him dinner.

* Staying angry is a waste of energy.

* Always bring something thoughtful to the party.

* If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away.

* Feigning unpretentiousness is worse than being pretentious. Feigning innocence is worse than both.

* Nothing written by women for women should be taken seriously.

* No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.

* Don't slag your exes. Every break-up story has two sides: do you really want people to seek out the other one?

* Read good things rather than popular things.

* Bad boys aren’t cool, and you know that, so don't play victim when they turn out to be bad.

* Don’t ever start a sentence with, “As a woman...”

And a few bonus items:

* Comparison is the thief of joy.

* The things other people post on social media are not even remotely representative of what their everyday lives are like.

* You're not all that, so stop thinking you're better than the people around you.

* Whenever you hear the word, "Deserve," realize that somebody is trying get you to do something that is probably not in your best interest.

* Being shallow will just ensure that you miss out on good things and good people.